ZEN SAYINGS….

ZEN SAYINGS….

I am an avid collector of Zen quotes, sayings and teachings. The funnier the better.

BTW, Zen is a school of Mahayana Buddhism and originated in China during the 6th century. From China, Zen spread south to Vietnam, to Korea and east to Japan.

The word Zen is derived from the Japanese pronunciation of the Middle Chinese word ”Dzyen” (Modern Mandarin: Chán), which in turn is derived from the Sanskrit word dhyāna, which can be approximately translated as “absorption” or “meditative state”.

Zen emphasizes the attainment of enlightenment and the personal expression of direct insight in the Buddhist teachings. As such, it de-emphasizes mere knowledge of sutras and doctrine, and favors direct understanding through zazen and interaction with an accomplished teacher.

Zen is a serious matter, but several light hearted quotes are there too.

Here is a random collection of some funny Zen sayings.

No other intentions to hurt some ones’ feelings please.

Pure humour is the purpose. So, enjoy while I meditate…..

Zen Teachings

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone.

2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience … and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass… then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

HAVE A NICE DAY!!

FIRST POSTED ON RML 1.04.13

RE POSTED 17TH SEPTEMBER 2020

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ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE (AI)

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE (AI)

Artificial Intelligence in here and now.

Today, even as automation is prevalent across industries, we have quickly moved to the age of robotics and artificial intelligence

Vanitha Narayanan MINT 10TH JULY 2017

The paradox of automation says the more efficient the automated systems, the more critical is the human contribution.

If I got a dollar every time Artificial Intelligence (AI) came up in a conversation around jobs, I would be very rich by now.

I want to spend a few minutes on the potential of AI—the way I see it. And let me tell you, it’s not in the future, it’s here and now. There is no point being an ostrich and burying our heads in the sand.

Automation has been part of our fabric since 1771, with the advent of the first fully automated spinning mill, and continues to be an integral part of every manufacturing process. Today, even as automation is prevalent across industries, we have quickly moved to the age of robotics and AI. Interestingly, the paradox of automation says the more efficient the automated systems, the more critical is the human contribution.

Human contribution is the crux of the conversation. When AI is spoken in the same breath as humans, it implies the evolution of ‘thinking’ rather than just ‘doing’. In a world where information is needed for decisions, a third of all decisions are optimal, a third are acceptable and the rest are just not right.

When AI is infused with ‘cognitive’ systems—next-generation systems that work side by side with humans, accelerating our ability to create, learn, make decisions and think—it then transcends barriers of scale, speed, scope and standards, providing a broad set of capabilities that can help make optimal decisions.

Cognitive systems help make sense of the structured and unstructured data available—including video and images, providing us much better insights and helping us make well-informed decisions faster.

Today’s economy, of which nearly 70% is service-oriented, stands to gain from the benefits of disruptive technology. This is a man, woman, child and machine story.

Take, for instance, a Bank that has multiple products and services. By leveraging cognitive solutions, a call centre rep with average skills can now handle a complex portfolio of products and services, delivering a far better and more effective customer experience and perform a role which may have been above their skill level. This is just one example.

To explore other areas where the power of cognitive can move the needle in a big way, let’s look at healthcare and education. In both these areas, the demand far outstrips supply, and experts are scarce. The shortage of expertise and the issue of accessibility is what we need to urgently focus on.

To ensure that we can live in a world where there is rich exchange of talent, ideas, technology and capability, there is also an urgent need to look at security—both physical and digital. In this digital world where we are subject to cyber-attacks, cognitive allows us to address and anticipate this.

There is no security analyst today who can keep up with the billions of security events occurring in a day. Cognitive can help shorten cyber security investigations from weeks and days, to minutes.

This, to me, is the promise and potential of a cognitive era, causing a huge shift in how organizations engage and transform, bringing a whole generation of young Indians into the middle class. I believe it will result in a fairer, better, more secure, healthier world and more.

In the digital era, as AI becomes pervasive across industries—such as healthcare, financial services, agriculture, retail and education—the attention moves to personalized experiences. Doctors can change how they interact with patients. With medical knowledge at their fingertips, they can dedicate more of their energy to understanding the patient as a person, and not just to diagnosing it medically.

AI is helping doctors, farmers, teachers, bankers, students and security experts take better informed, relevant and faster decisions.

The thoughtful use of AI allows us as humans to be more human. It shows us a world that is less task-oriented and more relationship-oriented. In a world racing towards automation and technology, the maturity of AI and the discernment of a cognitive world allow us to retain our compassion, curiosity and conscience.

As machine learning gives us access to the collective knowledge of the world in an instant, it’s time to redesign our thinking, our processes and our educational systems so we can leverage these technologies. It’s time we got to be more humane.

About the Author:

Vanitha Narayanan is Chairman of IBM India Pvt. Ltd.

COMPILED BY J S BROCA , JULY 10 2017 / RECOMPILED 16TH SEPTEMBER 2020

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Cyber-attacks are no longer fiction

Cyber-attacks are no longer fiction

By Devangshu Datta:

India must invest in cyber-defence capabilities. Even small investments will pay off big

BS January 9, 2015

On Monday, November 24, 2014, employees at Sony Pictures Entertainment (SPE) headquarters in Culver City, California, had a shock when they switched on their workstations. A red skeleton popped up with a bullet-pointed message. Hackers, who self-identified as “Guardians of Peace”, said they controlled all Sony’s data.

SPE shut down servers and took its corporate network offline. It suffered massive damage. Unreleased movies were dumped onto the internet. So were e-mails, medical records and compensation data for executives. The personal information of sundry Hollywood stars and entertainers was also released.

The attack was said to be orchestrated by North Korea (officially the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, or DPRK) in retaliation for a Sony comedy, The Interview. This film (released post-hack) is about an assassination attempt on Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un. Then, a hacker group, “Lizard Squad” forced DPRK off the internet for two days in December.

US President Barack Obama blamed North Korea. The DPRK accused the US of a counter-attack. The Federal Bureau of Investigation says the Sony hackers were careless, and revealed internet protocol addresses of DPRK origin.

Consider the damage. SPE, a $8-billion subsidiary of Japanese parent, Sony was crippled for weeks. The digital infrastructure was ruined without physical damage. The release of private data made employees and movie stars personally vulnerable. There was loss of revenue as copyrighted films were released. Future plans were compromised. SPE may even be liable for lawsuits due to the poor encryption of private data of individuals. Insurers will examine this case closely and it could lead to modifications in industrial insurance policies and practices.

The hackers face few consequences. They were anonymous people operating from outside the US borders. There is “deniability” for the DPRK, which is said to have a cyber warfare cell of over 6,000 hackers. The combination of deniability, and the ability to cripple infrastructure without necessarily causing physical damage is tempting. So is the ability to garner intelligence and data.

Not surprisingly, there have been multiple earlier instances of cyber-attacks, allegedly by nations. Iran’s nuclear programme was hit by the Stuxnet worm, which targeted industrial control systems in reactors and research institutions for years. Stuxnet was very sophisticated. It’s said to have been developed by Israeli and US coders but, of course, there’s no confirmation. Stuxnet found vulnerabilities in specialised chips designed for one purpose. In 2009, an allegedly Chinese operation, “GhostNet” hacked data off government servers in many nations. In 2007, Estonia was knocked offline by a coordinated attack, made by at least a million hacked computers, turned into a “zombie army”. Russia was blamed, given tensions between Estonia and Russia. Georgia was knocked offline during the South Ossetia Crisis of 2008. Again, Russia had circumstantial motives. In the 1990s, the US hit Serbian infrastructure to knock out air traffic control and facilitate UN bombing operations. Military infrastructure and equipment is heavily dependent on computers and networks. All military equipment relies to some degree on specialised chips, or on networks. General civilian infrastructure is also vulnerable. The global financial system, for example, is networked and interconnected. Banks, credit cards issuers, financial markets servers, central banks, tax authorities and so on all “talk” to each other. Power grids are smart. So are airport traffic control and airline routing systems, railway networks, traffic lights and so on.

The “Internet of Things” is also growing. This consists of smart unmanned devices connected to the internet. It includes items as diverse as industrial robots, police drones, refrigerators and car navigational systems. Botnet armies of “things” have already been created. At least 140 nations have cyber war programmes. The US spends untold billions distributed across many agencies. It has a Cyber Command, which is part of Special Operations Forces. The US also has an articulated framework of “five pillars” for active and passive cyber-warfare. The North Atlantic Treaty Organization or NATO has a separate “Tallinn manual” developed after the Estonia episode mentioned above.

While other countries lack similar resources or focus, even small investments in cyber capabilities can pay off big in offensive terms. And, of course, defensive capacities in this area are imperative. This is one area of civilian-cum-military capability where India cannot afford to fall behind.

COMPILED BY J S BROCA, 9TH JAN 2015

RE-COMPILED 16TH SEPTEMBER 2020

Posted in Movies & Entertainmaint, Social Commentry | Leave a comment

Why a sense of humor is an essential life skill

Why a sense of humor is an essential life skill

Matt Davis–16 Apr 2019

Studies have shown that a sense of humor can improve your mental and physical health, boost your attractiveness, and improve your leadership skills.

There are a variety of theories and styles of humor, each of which can improve your understanding of the subject.

Humor may be a critical life skill, but can it be taught?

Mark Twain said that “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” He’s certainly not wrong. Humor may very well be the great thing. It touches upon nearly every facet of life—90% of men and 81% of women report that a sense of humor is the most important quality in a partner, it’s a crucial quality for leaders, and it’s even been shown to improve cancer treatments. There’s no doubt that humor is a life skill that everybody needs. But how do we define humor, and can it be taught?

What is humor?

The best way to kill a joke is to explain it, but psychologists have tried to do so anyhow. There are three main theories on what humor is and where it comes from. Relief theory argues that laughter and humor are ways of blowing off psychological steam, a way to release psychic energy. That’s why jokes told at funerals are often met not with the silence that a somber occasion like that would merit but with uproarious laughter instead.

Superiority theory was originally formulated by Plato and Aristotle to explain a specific kind of humor: why we laugh at other’s misfortunes. In this theory, humor is a means of declaring one’s superiority over others. If you’re looking to cultivate a sense of humor to improve your leadership skills, this is not the kind you want to acquire.

Incongruity theory argues that humor arises when two contrasting, distinct ideas are mingled. Humor often subverts expectations, and punchlines are often the result of an unexpected reversal. Consider Oscar Wilde’s “Work is the curse of the drinking classes” — it’s funny because it both reverses a common phrase and because it subverts a more conventional way of looking at the world. (Admittedly, this dry explanation probably doesn’t make it seem funny in the slightest right now.)

What are the benefits of a sense of humor?

Being funny is possibly one of the best things you can do for your health. You can almost think of a sense of humor as your mind’s immune system. People at risk for depression tend to fall into depressive episodes when exposed to some kind of negative stimuli, and afterwards, it becomes easier and easier for them to relapse into depression. However, reframing a negative event in a humorous light acts as a kind of emotional filter, preventing the negativity from triggering a depressive episode.

Humor doesn’t just guard against depression. It also improves people’s overall quality of life. Researchers have found that people who score highly in certain types of humor have better self-esteem, more positive affect, greater self-competency, more control over anxiety, and better performance in social interactions. Not all kinds of humor are made equal, however. In the same study, the researchers identified four types of humor: affiliative humor, or humor designed to strengthen social bonds; self-enhancing humor, which is akin to having a humorous view of life in general; aggressive humor, such as mocking others; and self-defeating humor, in which an individual encourages jokes that have themselves as the target or self-deprecate.

The positive contributions mentioned above only occurred when individuals scored highly in affiliative and self-enhancing humor, while aggressive and self-defeating humor was associated with poorer overall well-being and higher anxiety and depression. So, when cultivating your sense of humor, it’s important to strive for the right kind — besides, it’s a crummy thing to make fun of others anyhow.

In addition to working as a mental immune system, research has shown that humor can actually improve your physical immune system. Laughter can also improve cardiovascular health and lowers heart rates, blood pressure, and muscular tension.

Aside from improving your health, laughter can be a productivity tool as well. A study from Northeastern University found that volunteers who watched a comedy were measurably better at solving a word association puzzle that relied on creative thinking as compared to control groups that watched horror films or quantum physics lectures. This is because laughter lights up the anterior cingulate cortex, an area of the brain associated with attention and decision-making. Another study measured people’s performance on a brainstorming task and found that participants who were asked to come up with a New Yorker-style caption generated 20% more ideas than those who did not.

Can humor be taught?

The benefits of a good sense of humor are so profound that colleges like Stanford are offering business courses on humor in the workplace with the goal of teaching “the power (and importance) of humor to make and scale positive change in the world, and also – surprise! – to achieve business objectives, build more effective and innovative organizations, cultivate stronger bonds, and capture more lasting memories.”

Every human has an innate sense of humor, of course, but it’s pretty evident that not everybody has a good sense of humor. Learning about theories of humor, while interesting and insightful, don’t guarantee that one’s ability to deliver a punchline will improve in any measurable degree. It would be distressing to learn about humor’s many benefits only to discover that it’s an entirely a product of genetics. There certainly seems to be some genetic component, at least; researchers have linked a sense of humor to certain variants of the 5-HTTLPR gene. Fortunately, psychologists are divided about whether humor is an innate or learnable trait. There’s no such thing as a completely humorless individual — comedy is a fundamental part of human nature. In the past, we believed that only some cultures developed humor, but this belief has changed, as no culture has ever been found that was devoid of laughter and comedy. So, if you want to improve your sense of humor, trying to look on the funny side of life won’t hurt. The worst case scenario is that you’ll laugh a little more.

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 15TH SEPTEMBER 2020

LINK:

https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2019/04/why-humor-is-an-essential-life-skill/

Posted in Humour, Social Commentry | Leave a comment

LOCKDOWN RESEARCH PROJECT ON: Nidhhi Agerwal

LOCKDOWN RESEARCH PROJECT ON:
Nidhhi Agerwal
Nidhhi Agerwal graces the Filmfare Glamour and Style Awards 2017
Born 17 August 1993 (age 26)–Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh, India (present-day Telangana)
Nationality Indian , Education Christ University–Occupation Actress, Model Dancer
Nidhhi Agerwal (born 17 August 1993) is an Indian model, dancer and actress who appears in Bollywood and Telugu films. In 2017, she made her acting debut in the film Munna Michael. She was Yamaha Fascino Miss Diva 2014 finalist.
Early life: Agerwal was born in Hyderabad and brought up in Bengaluru. Born into a Hindi-speaking Marwari family, she can understand as well as speak Telugu, Tamil and Kannada. Her schooling was at Vidyashilp Academy and Vidya Niketan School. She holds a graduation in Business Management from Christ University, Bengaluru. She is well trained in ballet, kathak and belly dance.
Career: In 2016, director Sabbir Khan confirmed that Agarwal was signed as the lead in his film Munna Michael, alongside Tiger Shroff. She was chosen among 300 candidates. About her acting passion she said, “I always wanted to be an actress. Every time I saw Aishwarya Rai on a hoarding I’d tell myself that my face would be up there too one day.”
Nidhhi was also asked to sign a no-dating clause till completion of the film. She also signed a film of KriArj Entertainment which will be directed by Shree Narayan Singh. This will be her second Bollywood film & Naraayan’s third directional venture after Toilet: Ek Prem Katha & Batti Gul Meter Chalu. She will also star in Akshay Kumar’s Ikka directed by Ali Khan, it will be a remake of 2014 Tamil hit Kaththi.
Filmography —
Year Title Role(s) Director(s) Language(s) Notes Ref.
2017 Munna Michael Dolly / Deepika Sharma Sabbir Khan Hindi Hindi Debut
2018 Savyasachi Chitra Chandoo Mondeti Telugu Telugu Debut
2019 Mr. Majnu Nikitha “Nikky” Venky Atluri
iSmart Shankar Dr.Sarah (Pinky) Puri Jagannadh
2020 Bhoomi dagger TBA
Lakshman Tamil Filming
Tamil Debut
Ashok Galla film dagger TBA Sriram Aditya Telugu Filming
Television
Year Show Channel Note(s) Ref.
2017 The Kapil Sharma Show Sony As Guest with Tiger Shroff & Sabbir Khan
2019 Konchem Touch Lo Unte Chepta Zee Telugu As Guest with Ram Pothineni & Nabha Natesh
Bigg Boss Telugu 3 Star Maa As Guest with Ram Pothineni
Awards and nominations
Nidhhi Agerwal awards and nominations
Awards and nominations
Totals—Wins 1, Nominations 1
Year Award Category Film Result Ref.
2017 Zee Cine Awards Zee Cine Award for Best Female Debut Munna Michael Won
2019 SIIMA Awards Best Debut Actress Savyasachi Nominated
Honored with life membership of International Film And Television Club of Asian Academy of Film & Television
Yamaha Fascino Miss Diva 2014 – finalist
COMPILED BY J S BROCA 25TH JUNE 2020
LINK:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nidhhi_Agerwal

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SOME MORE LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES..

SOME MORE LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES..

From my old collection of 2006 ie 14 years ago…ENJOY..

1. GOOSEY, GOOSEY GANDER

GOOSEY GOOSEY MY FAMILY’S PET GANDER,

UPSTAIRS AND DOWNSTAIRS IT WOULD WANDER.

HE MET A BOY ON THE STAIRS

HE WOULD NOT SAY HIS PRAYERS,

HE’S NOW CHANGED HIS NAME, HE’S CASSANDRA!!

2. MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

MARY’S PET WAS A LAMB THAT WAS WHITE.

IT WAS WITH HER ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.

IT WENT WITH HER TO SCHOOL

WHERE IT WAS GOOD AS A RULE,

THE CHILDREN LIKED THIS UNUSUAL SIGHT.

3. SING A SONG OF SIXPENCE

THE KING LOOKED AT THE PIE IN THE DISH,

WAS IT MEAT? WAS IT FRUIT? WAS IT FISH?

WHEN HE PUT IN THE KNIFE

HE HAD THE SHOCK OF HIS LIFE,

BLACKBIRDS FLEW OUT OF THE QUICHE!

HE WENT TO HIS DEN TO COUNT MONEY,

THE QUEEN STAYED TO EAT SOME BREAD AND HONEY.

THE MAID HANGING OUT CLOTHES

WAS PECKED ON HER NOSE

AND SAID “I DON’T THINK THAT WAS FUNNY”

4. HUMPTY DUMPTY

HUMPTY DUMPTY FELL OFF A HIGH WALL,

BUILT EGG-SHAPED HE SURVIVED NOT THE FALL.

THE KING SENT HIM MANY MEN

TO MAKE HIM ONE PIECE AGAIN,

BUT HE WAS TOO MANY PIECES TOO SMALL!!

5. HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE

THE BROWN COW JUMPED OVER THE MOON,

THE CAT ON HIS FIDDLE PROVIDED THE TUNE.

THE DOG THOUGHT IT SO FUNNY

HE TRIPPED OVER A BUNNY,

THEN THE CAT ELOPED WITH A LARGE SPOON!!

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 26THJUNE 2020

LINK:

https://arthurslimericks.com/nursery/a.htm

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Using AI To Track Birds Migrating At Night

Using AI To Track Birds Migrating At Night

By Brooks Hays

It’s difficult to track birds flying across the sky in the dark of night, but every fall and spring, millions of birds migrate through the night. Weather radar can offer a spotty view of the phenomenon, but to track nighttime migrations with greater accuracy and reliability, a group of researchers turned to artificial intelligence.

Scientists designed a machine-learning algorithm to analyze weather radar images and differentiate migrating birds from precipitation. The algorithm replicates the power of neural networks to analyze and classify radar images.

Researchers used the new artificial intelligence program to survey decades-long radar data sets, revealing seasonal and continent-wide migration patterns.

Scientists tested their system against multiple observational studies to verify its accuracy. The new technology — which scientists hope to eventually integrate with other technologies, like eBird, animal tracking devices, and earth observation instruments — could help researchers identify important stopping points for migrating species, information that could be used to plan more effective conservation efforts.

SHIMPOO 25TH JUNE 2020

LINK:

https://www.pioneeringminds.com/ai-track-birds-migrating-night/

Posted in Ideas, Nature | Leave a comment

Meet Antara Mehta, Maharashtra’s First-Ever Woman Fighter Pilot

Meet Antara Mehta, Maharashtra’s First-Ever Woman Fighter Pilot

Geetika Sachdev•23 June 2020

Nagpur-based Antara Mehta, a flying officer with the Indian Air Force (IAF), has become the first-ever woman from Maharashtra to become a fighter pilot.

An engineer and national-level basketball player, she had harboured the dream of joining the IAF, ever since she was a child.

Today, she is the 10th woman fighter pilot in India. That’s not all – she is the first one from her family as well.

Antara graduated last week from the Air Force Academy in Hyderabad, and is the only woman officer from her batch, who has been selected for this stream.

Her advanced training will continue at the Air Force Station in Bidar and Kalaikunda.

Regional Public Relations Officer, Nagpur Region, Directorate of Public Relations congratulated Antara on her achievement

Flying Officer Antara Mehta, daughter of Ravi & Poonam Mehta becomes the first women Fighter Pilot frm #Nagpur & #Maharashtra at Combined Graduation Parade at Air Force Academy on 20 June 20.

She is the only women officer in her batch selected for Fighter Stream.

Antara had her share of hardships. She struggled to clear the Services Selection Board (SSB) exam twice, but didn’t give up, and the third time, she cracked it.

Looking back : In 2015, the then Indian Defence Minister Late Manohar Parrikar had issued an approval to induct women as fighter pilots in the IAF. Bhawana Kanth, Mohana Singh, and Avani Chaturvedi were the first women to be inducted as women fighter pilots in the IAF. While six women received training for this position, only three could qualify for advanced levels. Manohar Parrikar called it a ‘Red Letter Day’, when the three women pilots were inducted into the fighter stream, promoting avenues for more women to be a part of this wing. Out of the three, Flight Lieutenant Bhawana Kanth became the first woman fighter pilot to undertake a mission during the daytime.

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 24.06.2020

LINK:

https://in.makers.yahoo.com/meet-antara-mehta-maharashtras-first-ever-woman-fighter-pilot-121110029.html

Posted in Heritage, Ideas, People | Leave a comment

5 MORE LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES.

5 MORE LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES.

From my old collection of 2006 ie 14 years ago…ENJOY…

1. THREE BLIND MICE

HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE TALE OF 3 MICE,

IT’S A TALE I SHALL TELL, THOUGH NOT NICE.

A WIFE WITH A KNIFE

NEARLY COST THEM THEIR LIFE,

THEY WOULD NOT TAKE THEIR PARENTS’ ADVICE

2. HICKORY DICKORY DOCK

THE MOUSE RAN UP THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK,

HE DID NOT EVEN BOTHER TO KNOCK.

THE CLOCK STRUCK WITH A “B O N G”

HIS HEARING WENT WRONG,

HE SUFFERED A TERRIBLE SHOCK!!

3. LITTLE JACK HORNER

A FAT LITTLE BOY NAMED JACK HORNER,

SAT EATING A PIE IN THE CORNER.

WHEN HE PUT IN HIS THUMB

AND BROUGHT OUT A PLUM,

HE SAID “AFTER THIS, I’LL NEED A SAUNA”.

4. THE QUEEN OF HEARTS

THE QUEEN BAKED A TRAY OF JAM TARTS,

THEY WERE STOLEN BY THE KNAVE OF HEARTS.

ON HIS WAY TO HIS SCHOOL

HE SAW THEM GETTING COOL,

HE LEFT NOT THE SMALLEST OF PARTS!!

5. BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP

BAA BAA, A SHEEP WITH LOTS OF BLACK WOOL,

WAS ASKED IF HE HAD MANY BAGS FULL.

HE SAID “I HAVE THREE,

TWO FOR THE BOSS, ONE FOR ME,

I GIVE THAT TO A POOR BOY AT SCHOOL”

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 25TH JUNE 2020

LINK: https://arthurslimericks.com/nursery/a.htm

Posted in Humour, Nature | 1 Comment

ARTHUR’S LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES..

ARTHUR’S LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES..

From my old collection of 2006 ie 14 years ago…ENJOY…

1. JACK SPRATT

JACK SPRATT WAS ALLERGIC TO FAT,

THERE ARE MANY AROUND JUST LIKE THAT.

BECAUSE OF THIS STATE

AND YET HAVE A CLEAN PLATE,

FAT WAS EATEN BY HIS WIFE, MRS. SPRATT.

2. LITTLE MISS MUFFET

I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT YOUNG MISS MUFFET,

EATING CURDS AND WHEY WHILE ON A TUFFET.

A LARGE SPIDER CAME DOWN

WHICH CAUSED HER TO FROWN

AND TO THINK SHOULD SHE / SHOULDN’T SHE SNUFF IT!!

3. THE GRAND OLD DUKE OF YORK

THE DUKE OF YORK WAS A LEADER OF MEN,

HE MARCHED THEM UPHILL AND THEN DOWN AGAIN.

HALF WAY UP ON THE CLIMB

THEY WERECOVERED IN GRIME,

THEY KNEW NOT FOR WHY, WHEREFORE OR WHEN!

4. OLD MOTHER HUBBARD

MOTHER HUBBARD LIVED ALONE WITH HER DOG,

WELL FED, HE WAS AS FAT AS A HOG.

THERE WAS A DOG’S CUPBOARD

USED BY MA HUBBARD,

BUT IT’S EMPTY NOW, NOT EVEN SOME GROG!!

5. DING DONG BELL

BELLS ARE RINGING, THE CAT’S IN THE WELL,

TOM GREEN PUSHED HIM IN, SAYING HE FELL!

JONNY STOUT HEARD HIM MEW,

WHAT ELSE COULD HE DO,

BUT GO IN, GET HIM OUT. WHAT A SMELL!!

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 24TH JUNE 2020

LINK:https://arthurslimericks.com/nursery/a.htm

Posted in Humour, Ideas, People, Social Commentry | 1 Comment