I am an avid collector of Zen quotes, sayings and teachings. The funnier the better.
BTW, Zen is a school of Mahayana Buddhism and originated in China during the 6th century. From China, Zen spread south to Vietnam, to Korea and east to Japan.
The word Zen is derived from the Japanese pronunciation of the Middle Chinese word ”Dzyen” (Modern Mandarin: Chán), which in turn is derived from the Sanskrit word dhyāna, which can be approximately translated as “absorption” or “meditative state”.
Zen emphasizes the attainment of enlightenment and the personal expression of direct insight in the Buddhist teachings. As such, it de-emphasizes mere knowledge of sutras and doctrine, and favors direct understanding through zazen and interaction with an accomplished teacher.
Zen is a serious matter, but several light hearted quotes are there too.
Here is a random collection of some funny Zen sayings.
No other intentions to hurt some ones’ feelings please.
Pure humour is the purpose. So, enjoy while I meditate…..
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone.
2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience … and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass… then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
HAVE A NICE DAY!!
FIRST POSTED ON RML 1.04.13
RE POSTED 17TH SEPTEMBER 2020