# Statistically speaking..

Statistically speaking..

Statistics is the study of the collection, organization, analysis, and interpretation of data. It deals with all aspects of this, including the planning of data collection in terms of the design of surveys and experiments. A statistician is someone who is particularly well versed in the ways of thinking necessary for the successful application of statistical analysis. Such people have often gained this experience through working in any of a wide number of fields. The word statistics, when referring to the scientific discipline, is singular, as in “Statistics is an art.” This should not be confused with the word statistic, referring to a quantity (such as mean or median) calculated from a set of data, whose plural is statistics (“this statistic seems wrong” or “these statistics are misleading”).

Why am I talking about statistics ? Have I nothing better to discuss? Well the whole thing is that I have been given a subject titled :”QUANTITATIVE TECHNIQUES IN MANAGEMENT” to teach to BBA students in a college.I had studied something about statistics in my Engineering College days ( 1968-1973) and had thought that that was the end of it since I had then felt that this subject had no REAL application in our otherwise mundane lives.Yes,statistics did interest me but in its humourous avataar ! Yes, I am reminded of a funny quote that says : 362436 is DATA but 36-24-36 is INFORMATION.Yes,for quite some time,I had then believed that vital statistics were those that looked good on models.

So after decades,I am back to square one as I begin a fresh date with Miss Statistics to pass on some knowledge collected over the years to the younger generation,lovingly and fittingly called GEN-NEXT !

Here are some of my gems collected over the years,for your reading and smiling pleasure.I am sure,STATISTICS will not be boring any more hereafter and my students will enjoy learning it !

I always find that statistics are hard to swallow and impossible to digest. The only one I can ever remember is that if all the people who go to sleep in church were laid end to end they would be a lot more comfortable.

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts – for support rather than illumination.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

If you do everything you should do, and do not do anything you should not do, you will, according to the best available statistics, live exactly eighteen hours longer than you would otherwise.

Statistics: the mathematical theory of ignorance.

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

There are two kinds of statistics: the kind you look up and the kind you make up.

Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

All the statistics in the world can’t measure the warmth of a smile.

Do not put your faith in what statistics say until you have carefully considered what they do not say.

The buffalo isn’t as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You cannot feed the hungry on statistics.

Statistics have shown that mortality increases perceptibly in the military during wartime.

Statistics suggest that when customers complain, business owners and managers ought to get excited about it. The complaining customer represents a huge opportunity for more business.

The Governments are very keen on amassing statistics – they collect them, add them, raise them to the nth power, take the cube root and prepare wonderful diagrams.

We are just statistics, born to consume resources.

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

If you want to inspire confidence, give plenty of statistics. It does not matter that they should be accurate, or even intelligible, as long as there is enough of them.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Here are some tongue-in-the-cheek one liners on STATISTICS to keep you smiling on an average day :

## Statistical one-liners

A new government 10 year survey cost \$3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.

According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority.

Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed?

80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot.

According to a recent survey, 33 of the people say they participate in surveys.

Q: What do you call a statistician on drugs?
A: A high flyer.

Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1-3, alpha = .05

There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to measure the weight of trees?
A: It’s referred to as the log scale.

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who took the Dale Carnegie course?
A: He improved his confidence from .95 to .99.

Q: Why don’t statisticians like to model new clothes?
A: Lack of fit.

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail?
A: He now has zero degrees of freedom.

Statisticians must stay away from children’s toys because they regress so easily.

The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker’s convention.

Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting.

Old statisticians never die, they just undergo a transformation.

Q: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another?
A: Check the p-value.

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who made a career change and became an surgeon specializing in ob/gyn?
A: His specialty was histerectograms.

The most important statistic for car manufacturers is autocorrelation.

Some statisticians don’t drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as evidenced by the proliferation of box-and-whiskey plots.

Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization.

The Lipton Company is big on statistics–especially t-tests.

Well,that is enough statistics for a dry day !

KEEP SMILING !

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### 2 Responses to Statistically speaking..

1. Shernaz says:

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