Onion Wit
While prices of onions are still ruling high and making us cry,I have observed an increase in sense of humour in certain news items related to this tear-jerking bulb of a vegetable.
Here are some samples of onion wit (both real and imaginary),
collected at random,from various media reports :
1.”Deewar” dialogue with a twist :
Most of the readers will recall the famous Salim-Javed dialogue between Amitabh Bachchan and Shashi Kapoor from the popular and hit film named “Deewar” of yester years.
In the movie, Amitabh had said to Shashi :”Mere paas bangla hai, gaadi hai,paisa hai,tumhare paas kya hai?” After a pause,Shashi had said:”Mere paas maan (mother) hai !”
Now, in 2011 there has been a slight twist in Shashi Kapoor’s reply :”Mere paas dus rupaye kilo kharida gaya godown bharke pyaaz hai.” (“I have a big godown full of onion purchased at Rs 10 a kilo “)
2.MP dacoits changing tactics :
It is rumoured that the dacoits of Chambal,who are used to eating chapaties with onions,are facing acute shortage of onions and so instead of looting banks,they have now switched over to looting onion godowns !
3.Grooms asking for onions in dowry:
I understand that in some districts of Rajasthan,where there is an acute scarcity of onions,the bridegrooms parents have started demanding a truck-load of onions in dowry from the bride’s side.
4.”Munni badnaam hui…” parody:
A Bollywood movie buff from Mumbai has come out with a parody on this hit item song.We are all aware that concerned ministers have been passing on the blame of price rise in onions to hoarders,sudden rains,poor crop,exports etc.So the buff has come out with a parody: “Kanda badnaam hua,Minister terey liye…” (Kanda is Gujarati word for Pyaaz in Hindi)the
5.Rajnikanth Joke…
If such onion wit has been amusing us,how could Rajinikanth jokes be far behind? One of Rajnikanth’s fans said :”The actor can make onions cry.” Another fan shot back:”Can he reduce the prices…?”
6.A Quiz question :
An intelligent college boy asked his class mate : “Why did the male onion ditch his girlfriend ?” While the mate was searching for an appropriate answer,the intelligent guy gave the answer:” Because she was high on maintenance.”
7.A new proverb :
A bright college English teacher asked:”If some people are acting really pricey, can we say they are going onions ? “
Keep crying till the prices of onions come down to an affordable level.Then,SMILE !
Ah,yes,if you have some more of such witty news on this topic,do post them while giving your feedback.
pyaaz kitna bhi rulaye, aap hum sabko muskarate rakhna. shukriya.
Shernaz, Pune
Jan 19, 2011
Dear Shernaz, thanks for your lovely response.A lot of jokes are there in the media abt onions.Here are some of the choicest ones:
1.”Sir .I want to lodge a complaint.” “So you are here. I know.” “Sir..” “Just do not waste my time.” ” I have lost five kilos of onions.Some one has stolen them.Please lodge a complaint.” “Are you serious?” “Yes very much sir.””No one has lodged a complaint like this any time.” “But the cost of onions in the market has never reached 80 Rs per kg any time so far.”
2.”Please look into the matter.” The locker holder told the manager.”Tell me how I can help you?” The manager asked. “Some one has taken two kilos of onions from my locker.” “You put onions in locker?” “It is time for it.”
3. The old man was on his death bed.He gave something to all his four sons.The sons were happy to have 10 kilos of onions each, as gifts. A big smile covered their faces.
Keep smiling….
j s broca
new delhi
19/01/11
1) He is like an onion, people say, as he has nothing in his brain. (If the onion’s layers are peeled out one by one, there will be nothing inside.)
(2) Of late, people say “He sheds onion tears, instead of crocodile tears.
(3) “Why are you crying, what harm have I done to you?” mother-in-law asked. “No Mom, I am cutting onion now,” pat came daughter-in-law’s reply.
(4) “Mom, this month’s salary, give me onions instead of cash,” asked the maid servant.
(5) Onions to the left, Onions to the right, but not an onion available to eat, for they are either hiding with hoarders or lying decayed in dustbins
(6) Parliament passed an act, saying that punishment for hoarding onions will be 6 months in jail and they will be served with onions only as their daily food.
(7) E.V.Ramasamy Periar, the late atheist leader and founder of Dravida Kazhagam (DK), very often used to say “Vengayam, Vengayam” (Onion, Onion) in between his speeches, for reasons well known to him only.
Is this sufficient, my dear friend, the cracker of jokes?
Rajaram Ramachandran, Juhu, Mumbai (Camp: Trichy)
Jan 19, 2011
O onion, costly or cheap, absent or present,
you never fail to make us poor women cry!
Malsawmi Jacob, Mumbai
Jan 19, 2011
Sir your article is totally humorous and of course true. I really had a hearty laugh. Happy to see you back in action.
D.Venkata Abhinav, IIIT,Nuzvid.
Jan 19, 2011
Clean wit on onion, Broca. I heard a wiki leak revealed tonnes of pledged onion stock in Swiss banks.
Seshu Chamarty, Hyderabad
Jan 19, 2011
Dear Rajaramji,Malswamiji,Abhinav and Seshuji, I am really happy to note the responses this humble onion has generated. All in all, onions have been through a lot. Maybe that’s why they make us cry! Actually, it is their sulphuric content that brings tears to our eyes, I understand. I’ve read about and heard of two remedies. The first involves peeling the onion with an unlit match held in between your front teeth. Whether this weakens the sulphur effect or is a secret bid for a circus act is unknown, but sometimes it works. Do try it and let me know! The other method is to chill the onion before peeling it. This works most of the time, but let’s face it; there are no guarantees for anything in life, not even onions! Keep comfort till the prices come down!
J S BROCA, New Delhi
Jan 19, 2011
Awesome.
Nikita Sareen, New Delhi
Jan 19, 2011
Dear Nikita ji,thanks for your response to my posting.
J S Broca
new delhi
20/1/11
Though onions are hot now-a-days and bring tears even before one starts to peel them due to the sky-high price they pay, your write-up brings a smile to the readers’ lips. Enjoyed very well. Thanks and regards.
K Pankajam, Chennai
Jan 20, 2011
In every pore of every layer of the onions
Are pinioned the gastronomic hearts of billions
For others’ sake, these bulbs, ilk like me shun in millions
Governments that choose to ignore the public opinion
Are doomed to be flung down the powerless canyon
Anyways, kudos, Brocaji, you know your onions!
U Atreya Sarma, Secunderabad
Jan 20, 2011
Dear Atreyaji and dear Pankajam ji-thanks a lot for enjoying and responding to my posting.Poets have also started using onions in their compositions these days.Here is an example:”Friendship Is Like An Onion,It Has Many Layers,It Will Add Taste To Ur Life,But If U’ll Try To Cut It,U’ll Have Tears In Ur Eyes”
j s broca
new delhi
20/1/11
Sir, I enjoyed you oeuvre; it is very humorous and full of wit.
Bhavana Maddala, IIIT, Nuzvid
Jan 21, 2011
I agree with Shernaz, you keep us in splits, however grim the scenario.
mamta agarwal, Noida- UP
Jan 25, 2011
In splits! Shall write my comment once stopped laughing. Regards
Geetashree Chatterjee, New Delhi
Jan 26, 2011
Dear Bhavana ji,Mamta ji,Geeta ji, many thanks for reading,enjoying,smiling,laughing at my post and posting your responses.GBU all. HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY to you all here and all at MI PARIVAAR.
J S BROCA
NEW DELHI
26TH JAN 2011