Shayari -2…

A few days ago I had posted my friend Pooja’s shayari alongwith my efforts of translating it .Here is another sweet shayari composed by Pooja alongwith my humble effort as well as the feedback received from other readers of Muse.Hope you will enjoy it too !


Tum jab muskurati ho tau jee karta hai ki meri sansein ruk jaayen,
Tum jab baat karti ho tau jee karta hai ki waqt tham jaaye,
Tere pyar ke liye tau main umar bhar tarasta rahunga,
Kahin aisa na ho ke yeh dil milne se pehle, bichchad jaaye.

By Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Sep 21, 2009

J S Broca’s transliteration:
When you smile, I wish my breathing stops, to cherish the moments
When you talk I wish that time stops, so that I can savour the moments
I thirst for you, life-long my love, quench it with the flavour of the  moments
Ensure your heart meets mine, and seals the bond of magic moments.

Jatinder Saheb, the translation needs improvement, specially the last line. -Mallick

Dear Pooja,  Beautiful Shyari… enjoyed both the Hindi version and the English.
Congrats to Brocaji too. Regards warmly,
Lina Mistry Tandel, Varginia, USA
Sep 23, 2009
Dear Thara, Thanks a ton. Have a nice day. Dear Jasneet,  My heartfelt thanks to you.
Shall try writing many more in future. Dear Sanjay,  I wish you had posted your version.
I would have read it. Thanks for sparing sometime and reading my shayari. Best wishes.
Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Bijapur
Sep 22, 2009  
Chandrashekhar Sir,  Thanks for a very warm comment. I am delighted. Jitoo Uncle, I think everyone has actively participated and have added colours to our shayari. Isn’t it? Thank you very much.Nalini Madam, You have translated it very nicely.
I am happy to see that my shayari has inspired many in bringing out their translations. I always fear translation as I find it a difficult task. Best wishes.
Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Bijapur
Sep 22, 2009  
Atreya Uncle, I shall try and do my best. Thanks for those sweet words.   Chandramouli Sir,  I am glad to read your response. Thank you very much for appreciating my shayari. It is just an attempt.Best wishes.Seshu Uncle, The tanka has given much more
fresh feel to the shayari. I am very happy to read the same. Thank you very much.
Best wishes.
Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Bijapur
Sep 22, 2009
Dear Nalini ji, thanks for your beautiful and short and sweet translation. It certainly outshines my attempt. Keep helping with your dextrity with words.
J S Broca, New Delhi
Sep 22, 2009
Kudos for your beautiful shayari Pooja. Brocaji, I tried putting it in Tanka:Tanka (Pooja’s poem)
My breath stops each time
You speak or smile and I wait
For eons lovelorn–
Shall our love not depart us
Before our two hearts meeting!

Seshu Chamarty, Hyderabad
Sep 22, 2009  
Dr. Pooza, Lines are not matching with each other.Improve it.
Sanjay Suman, New Delhi
Sep 22, 2009 
Respected Dr. Pooja ji, Great shayri, I thoroughly cherished Broca Sir’s transliteration
too. Warm Regards
Jasneet Kaur, New Delhi
Sep 21, 2009
Pooja, excellent composition.
Thara D’Souza, Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala
Sep 21, 2009
Every time you smile, I wish my breath stops midair
Every time you speak, I wish time takes a pause
Tormented for your love I remain forever
Before our hearts can meet, I fear we may part

Nalini Hebbar, Nellore
Sep 21, 2009
Dear Mallick ji, thanks for your suggestion. I had tried several variations of the last line and thought that the one finalised was OK but now that you have read it and suggested improvement, I have come out with the following :
I hope our hearts don’t part, before sealing the bonds of those magical moments.
I hope it meets your approval.Esteemed readers of Muse can come out with some more
improvements. Thanks !
J S Broca, New Delhi
Sep 21, 2009 
Brilliant attempt…wish you continue to give such master pieces!
Chandrashekar, Hyderabad
Sep 21, 2009
Nice poem. The fourth line may be modified as:
Hopefully before the hearts meet,they won’t drift. Regards.
T. S. Chandra Mouli, Hyderabad
Sep 21, 2009  
Dr Pooja, May the yearning of love be fruitful. And so assuming, would you please conceive and pen its sequel, dear nice neice?
U Atreya Sarma, Greenfield, Wisconsin
Sep 21, 2009


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3 Responses to Shayari -2…

  1. fantastic post! I am so looking forward to reading more articles 🙂

  2. Nilouffer Rana says:

    Dear Jitoo
    Here is my version:

    When your lips break into that mystic smile,
    You take my breath away,for a while…
    With the lilting music in your voice,
    Time stands still,even amidst all the noise.,,

    I yearn to make you mine,
    And hunger for that moment sublime….
    When our hearts will beat as one
    And freeze the moment in time….

    Hope you like it.Thanks.

    Nilouffer Rana
    3rd April 2012

  3. Very good blog post. I certainly love this site. Continue the good work!

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