An Inspired Senryu

An Inspired Senryu I had read and liked Shri Gautam Nadkarni’s following senryu posted in Muse on 18th May 2009:      senryu    dictation- the shorthand steno has long hands   My response to the above senryu was as under :   Dear Gautam, a good one. It is said that long fingers (hands) mean an artistic personality. A steno has to have the art of taking dictation from her boss under all situations! See my separate e-mail to you on a similar theme.   J S Broca , New Delhi May 21, 2009      I was inspired by this senryu and made an effort to compose one on a similar theme.Here is what I first wrote :   laptop- denies steno her right – boss’ lap !!   I had requested Gautamji to suggest changes and/or correct it.   I had narrated the following incident to Gautamji :   While working in a pvt sector company, I had once barged into the chamber of my boss and I saw him giving dictation to the secretary/ steno. She was sitting in a compromising position while scribbling on her pad. So this is what triggered the above piece.   In response, our Muse Grand Master Gautam ji, advised me as under :

Dear Jatinder jee, although the meaning of your senryu attempt is clear, it is much too wordy. Try to keep it simple. For example:   dictation – the latest invention laptop stenos   Here as you can see I have used only 13 syllables and the word ‘boss’ is not necessary at all; the meaning comes through. Your version is only about 10 syllables but you are explaining the joke. This is taboo to any humorous senryu or even in everyday jokes. You should leave scope for the reader to use his/her own imagination. Still, it is a good attempt; keep it up! —————- Thanks dear Gautamji.   So, the final inspired senryu is as under :   dictation – the latest invention laptop stenos   Your comments and suggestons are welcome.