New Course,New University…

New Course,New University…

Here is an ad for a new course from a new university.Admissions assured 100%.Job Placements ensured 100%. Desirous candidates may apply immediately !!

  


National Corruption Institute Of India ( N C I I )

Affiliated To Both Houses Of Indian Parliament

Listed on the World Corruption Index as the World’s Best C-School Invites Applications for 3 Years Undergraduate Bachelors Degree in Corruption. (BDC)

Earn your BDC from the World’s Most Reputed Institute for Corruption Studies

OUR COMPREHENSIVE SYLLABUS INCLUDES:

Financial Theory and Practice
Transfer of funds through HAWAALA for creation of MASS GHOTALA

  • FINANCIAL NETWORKING -Movement of money through well engineered networks between State Party Units and Central Party Unit.

  • Solicitation methods to increase donations towards Party Fund.

  • Theory and application of Popular BRIBE concepts and methods like Chai Pani, Parcel, Change, Gift Box , Color TV, Foreign Trip and the ever popular Children’s School Fees

Public Relations (PR) and Media Management

Learn how to be MISQUOTED BY THE MEDIA.

Learn to say the right things to be QUOTED OUT OF CONTEXT.

Excellent training in PARTY SPOKESMANOLOGY .

Learn how to argue on TV with other Party people on TV like Professor Manish Tewari and Professor Ravi Shankar Prasad.

Develop public gestures like NAMASTE and HAND WAVING.

Learn the art of proving all allegations as BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED.

Effectively refute STING OPERATIONS. Advanced course in proving that VIDEO FOOTAGE IS FALSE AND MANIPULATED.

Law and Order Module:

In this module you will learn how to:

Commit MURDER and RAPE

Bring LOCAL POLICE under your control

Get BAIL super fast if you are ever arrested.

 Apply and get speedy ANTICIPATORY BAIL so you do not  get arrested in the first place!

FIGHT ELECTIONS FROM JAIL! Special lectures by visiting Professors Shahbuddin and Pappu Yadav!

Advanced Riotology

 Methods to build your own storage houses for HOCKEY STICKS AND WEAPONS to engineer riots.

 Identify and develop your own fuel depots for easy and widespread dispersal of RIOT FRIENDLY PETROL TANKERS

Form effective partnerships with local liquor stores for easy procurement of DESI DARU to get rioters high and ensure awesome rioting!

Full study in CONTEMPORARY BUS BURNING. New age exciting methods for INSTANTANEOUS BUS COMBUSTION.

 Introductory Kashmir method of inciting riots through STONE THROWING.

Actual rioting demonstrations under the expert tutelage of Professor Pravin Togadia.

Gain Extensive Knowledge From Our Faculty Of

World class Professors.

Special Courses In:

“2G SPECTRUM” “ A Telecommunications Perspective” By Professor Andimuthu Raja

‘’Flat Taking From Army Jawan’’ By Professor Ashok Chavan

‘’The Correct Standard of Clean’’ By Professor Lalit Bhanot

‘’Sports Medal or No Medal, In Corruption Always Get Gold Medal’’ By Professor Suresh Kalmadi

“Application of Corruption on Non Human Species “ Stealing Money for Cattle Fodder” By Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav

 

“Building A Corridor For The Taj Mahal Can Cost More Money Than Building The Taj Mahal Itself” By Professor Mayawati Kumari.

...And Many Many More..!!

SO FORGET ALL B-SCHOOLS, BE COOL, JOIN

THE C-SCHOOL…

NCII IS THE BEST. 

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11 Responses
  1. N S Murty says:

    Hilarious. Are there any special (guest) lectures from past and present incumbents of Tihar? Any international visits to Dubai, Switzerland for hands on experience and apprenticeships? Best regards.

    N S Murty
    23.07.2011

  2. kumarendra Mallick says:

    Prof Broca, where and how have you got the land for the campus? Are you tied up with Vedant to buy Temple Land (land gifted to Lord Jagannath) in Orissa? And who will conduct the entrance exams.? And how about capitation fees etc.? Please publish a tainted brochure.

    Kumar Mallick
    23.07.2011

  3. J S Broca says:

    Dear Mallick ji, you have raised many questions like our Auditors in the Bank.Chup rehney kaa aur aankhein bandd karney kya lengey aap ?

    J S BROCA
    23rd July 2011

  4. J S Broca says:

    Dear Murty ji,do you wish to apply for the post of a guest lecturer? If yes then send your biodata mentioning your specific experience in various disciplines.Foreign Trips for hands on experience can be got sponsored.Make up your mind soon !Thanks.

    J S Broca
    23rd July 2011

  5. Dr Leo Rebello says:

    Prof. Jatinder Pal Singh Broca—Good one. One important module is missing : Ethics and Morals—for example, Paisa Liya to File Aage Badhao, Sabh Milke Khao, Paisa Itna Kamao ki Antim Kriya Ke Liye Kaam Aye (kyonki uppar to Swiss Bank nahin hai, sabh kuch yahin chhodke jana hait, ityadi, ityadi). Is this a full time course or part time course or pay and download course and diploma? Like in USA anyone can become a Priest in 100 USD. Are you going to teach how to open numbered accounts in Swiss Bank, Dubai and Cayman Banks and organise visits to these countries and facilitate transfer of funds as hands on experience? And why have you not appointed Prof. Yum, Yum, Singh, and the Guru-Rani of them all, namely, Prof. Soniaji Mainoji-Gandhiji or her akal ka kachcha, buk, buk bachcha Raul? I have already given you so many ideas.Anything given free is not appreciated. So, if you want more ideas, send me 10 containers full of Rs.1000 notes before Baba Ramdev has his say and gets them banned, and I will guide you further. If you run this course properly, in affiliation with Prof. Arindham Chaudhari of IIPM, all your students will be future politicians with 100% job guarantee. Cheers and Congrats.

    Dr Leo Rebello
    Mumbai, dated 24th July, 2011.

  6. J S Broca says:

    Prof.Rebello,
    Your suggestions are worth considering and have been passed on to the University’s Senate of Nincompoops to decide in the next Board Meeting.Your commission will be despatched as soon as the Senate passes the resolution subject to of course our Fake Currency Notes Printing Machine under manufacture in China arriving well before the course starts and our 1000 Rupee Note Die trials going on in Taiwan are found OK by a Committee of Ex-Experts from our GOI Nasik Mint.We are already in the process of signing an MOU with IIPM and hope with the best wishes of concerned citizens like you it will be soon signed.Wait and see IIPM’s new ad on Prime Time TV.Our VP and Principal are already in Switzerland to negotiate with a leading Swiss Bank for a deal on the lines of BUY ONE GET TWO FOR FREE ie Expose One Indian Account Holder and in exchange Get Two New Accounts free from HNWI’s from India. We are hopeful of the deal being cliched as soon as our VP and P have finished enjoying their Swiss holiday Sponsored by UB Group wanting to open a new Brewery just below the Swiss Alps in exchange for the sponsorship.So you see we are trying sincerely to expedite the starting of the course soon.GBU. Please continue to offer more suggestions and we assure you of Reserving One Seat for your community students with 50% Fee concession. -Prof Broca.

    J S Broca
    new delhi
    24th july 2011

  7. atreya sarma says:

    So indebted to you, Broca ji, for this dope on a most happening course. In fact, after failing to narrow down to any honest means of decent income, I had been racking my brains whether there was any ‘legitimate,’ trendy & sure way of making it Uber-rich overnight. Oh, pronto I’d enrol for this BDC, dropping dead my earlier fuzzy idea of doing an airy PhD in eerie English literature. I can also bring in at least 10 more with me. But I have a few enriching amendments, which if you incorporate – would go a long way in serving the eternal interests of universal corruption that began with our primeval patriarch & matriarch, Adam & Eve. Hope you’d Okay these amendments for they would swell your enrolments. As a consideration, please give me a small 75% discount in the fee.

    1. There shall be a non-receiptable fee of Rs2 lacs, payable under the counter. [Please be assured that within just one year of your passing out, you could earn at least 10 times this hidden investment.]

    2. The subject “Financial Theory and Practice” should have a tagline “Manipulations & Machinations” – so as to make it outright attractive.

    3. Two more subjects be introduced: (a) The Art & Science of Black Money. (b) Netherlands of Narcotics – Nitty-gritty & Nuances.

    4. The nomenclature of “Party Spokesmanology” needs to be changed as “Party Spokespersonology” in tune with our present unisex milieu.

    5. The meretricious panel of guest faculty couldn’t be complete without –

    (a) Prof Digvijay Singh – a super specialist in “Hit (Below-the-Belt) & Run-away-with-Their-Belt – Varying Tactics & Techniques.”
    (b)Prof M Karunanidhi – the architect of “Dynastic & Polygamous Corruption – Initiation & Expansion” – would perorate with a special reference to the New Perspectives from Stone-Age Ancient Tamil Texts.

    Please SMS me your approval to my Mobile: 0000000000. And Broca ji, so let’s meet in the classroom then.

    U Atreya Sarma, Secunderabad
    24th July 2011

  8. J S Broca says:

    Dear Prof.Atreya ji !! Indeed this was the response I expected from learned and concerned citizens like you.You are welcome to join the University as a Vice Dean along with me so that we both can realize our dreams in technicolour and earn mega-bucks to make sure that our next 2-3 generations are not starved of financial assets.Your ingenious suggestions will be discussed thread bare in our next Board Meeting and I am hopeful they will all be passed with a thumping majority. Your recommendations for adding some more qualified,experienced and well known faculties will add to our long list of existing faculties so that the course gets it approval from apex bodies like AICTE,UGC,IMF,WTO etc etc.I am also exploring other avenues and areas of revenues as you can see from the feedback received by me on this subject and posted on my blog by going to the following link: http://seeingwithc.org/jsblog/?p=1868. Keep watching for the Opening Ceremony of this course.Your invitation card to attend the function is being sent shortly alongwith to and fro air tickets sponsored by M/s Dadas & Goondas Unlimited, Dharavi,Mumbai . Looking forward to see you soon.Keep in touch.GBU.-Prof & Dean-J S Broca.
    New Delhi
    24th July 2011

  9. It’s really a great and useful piece of info. I’m glad that you shared this useful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

  10. nilouffer says:

    Oh I think I would like to apply as of immediate effect for the BDC- after having done MA with literature which has not yielded any great financial status – If I had heard of the NCII would not have wasted so many years in expectations and dreams of quick and easy cash. The syllabus looks great with all the well known and experienced experts. what would be the under the table cost of private tutoring as I would have to simultaneously earn to pay that kind of fees. And how can you have forgotten Mr S Pawar – what with the country starving while the grains bought a year ago is rotting in some warehouse somewhere; Country of plenty showing shortage of food and grains year in and year out.

    You are a hilarious and very imaginative writer.I hope Admiration for your developing this syllabus and University will not cost anything under the table. Likhte jao, hasate jao aur khud bhi khush raho. GBU

  11. Rachael Rene says:

    Wow! Thank you! I continually wanted to write on my website something like that. Can I include a portion of your post to my website?

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