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A Limerick on imagination running riot

A Limerick on imagination running riot


Quite often we imagine things. Here is a witty limerick shattering the reader’s expectations:


A bather whose clothing was strewed


By winds that left her quite nude


Saw a man come along


And unless we are wrong


You expected this line to be lewd.


Anonymous


COMPILED BY J S BROCA 29TH SEPT 2017


SOURCE:


http://www.webexhibits.org/poetry/explore_famous_limerick_examples.html


Image result for ALMOST NUDE BATHER GIRL ON BEACH

A Limerick on Nike the shoe company

A Limerick on Nike the shoe company


Sometime in April 2000 there was a news item in the media about a lady getting injured after wearing Nike shoes and then suing the company for injuries. Whether she won the case and got some compensation or not is not known.


Here is a delightful limerick on the situation:


A beautiful young lady sues,


Nike, the makers of sports shoes.


She tripped over the lace,


Causing injury to her face.


Now she awaits her compensation dues.


Be careful!!


COMPILED BY J S BROCA 27TH SEPT 2017


Source:  I TRIED A LOT BUT COULD NOT FIND THE SOURCE OR THE AUTHOR. READERS MAY HELP ME PLEASE. IT IS FROM MY VERY OLD DIARY IN WHICH I HAD JOTTED IT DOWN SOMETIME IN 2001 (16 YEARS AGO)


Image result for MIKE SHOE

 

 

 

Wrong Number

Wrong Number


We all have our dreams and have often dreamt about several things. Here is a naughty (dirty?) limerick about a lady dreaming of seduction! However, ultimately, it was only imaginary! ENJOY the imagination!!


Check your mattresses this night to avoid getting such wrong numbers!!


There was a young lady of Worcester


Who dreamt that a rooster seduced her.


She woke with a scream,


But ‘twas only a dream


A lump in the mattress had goosed her.


Keep Smiling!!


COMPILED BY J S BROCA  26TH SEPT 2017


SOURCEhttp://www.dirtylimerick.com/315/there-was-a-young-lady-of-worcester/


PS: My earlier posting about a Farting Contest, seems to have ruffled a few feathers. I refer to a fellow poet’s comment (IFTEKHAR AHMED, KOLKATA) regarding my efforts to create vulgar humour! If I may say so, a FART is a FACT of life. If I do not fart it means I have not let out the obnoxious gases in my digestive tract. After I fart I feel so comfortable and relieved. There are people who take a few tablets every day to help them fart and they sell like hot cakes. One such branded item is called Hawaban Harde from Indore. I am not a brand ambassador of this company, but I suggest that all those who cannot digest such humour must take a few tablets every night. BTW, Hawaban in Hindi literally means Arrows of (Foul) Air ( Farts are like arrows?) Sorry and an unconditional apology again, if I have stirred a hornet’s nest!!


 Jatinder Pal Singh Broca New Delhi  26th Sept 2017


Image result for A lump in the mattress

 

I WONDER IF SUCH CONTESTS ARE HELD IN INDIA!!

I WONDER IF SUCH CONTESTS ARE HELD IN INDIA!!


There was a farting contest that came to town


And people came from miles around


The first fart was extremely loud


The second fart pleased the crowd


The third fart, the judges cried


“He shit his pants, he’s disqualified!”


A TIP: Do not get disqualified!!   Keep Smiling!!


COMPILED BY J S BROCA  25TH SEPT 2017


Source: http://www.jackassjokes.com/funny-limericks.htm


Image result for A FART

 

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly….

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly….


Warning: This is not a Limerick though it looks like one.


It is a funny poem meant to be shared between Grandparents and kids. I am sure many of you must have enjoyed such stuff in the past. Without wasting your time further let us move further:


1. There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.


I don’t know why she swallowed that fly,


Perhaps she’ll die.


2. There was an old lady who swallowed a spider.


That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her.


She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.


But I don’t know why she swallowed that fly


Perhaps she’ll die.


3. There was an old lady who swallowed a bird.


How absurd, to swallow a bird!


She swallowed the bird to catch the spider


That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her.


She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.


But I don’t know why she swallowed that fly


Perhaps she’ll die.


4. There was an old lady who swallowed a cat.


Imagine that, she swallowed a cat.


She swallowed the cat to catch the bird


She swallowed the bird to catch the spider


That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her.


She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.


But I don’t know why she swallowed that fly


Perhaps she’ll die


5. There was an old lady who swallowed a dog.


What a hog! To swallow a dog!


She swallowed the dog to catch the cat


She swallowed the cat to catch the bird


She swallowed the bird to catch the spider


That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her.


She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.


But I don’t know why she swallowed that fly


Perhaps she’ll die.


6. There was an old lady who swallowed a goat.


Just opened her throat and swallowed a goat!


She swallowed the goat to catch the dog


She swallowed the dog to catch the cat


She swallowed the cat to catch the bird


She swallowed the bird to catch the spider


That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her.


She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.


But I don’t know why she swallowed that fly


Perhaps she’ll die.


7. There was an old lady who swallowed a cow.


I don’t know how she swallowed a cow!


She swallowed the cow to catch the goat


She swallowed the goat to catch the dog


She swallowed the dog to catch the cat


She swallowed the cat to catch the bird


She swallowed the bird to catch the spider


That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her.


She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.


But I don’t know why she swallowed that fly


Perhaps she’ll die.


8, SUSPENSE…..


There was an old lady who swallowed a horse


She’s dead, of course!!


That is called leading one to the garden path amd then dumping you in a well.


AUTHOR: UNKNOWN (Thank You Sir/Madam)


SOURCE:


http://www.grandparents.com/grandkids/activities-games-and-crafts/there-was-an-old-lady


 YOUTUBE VIDEO LINK:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6Mzqxxio_w


 DEAR READERSDO SEE THE VIDEO AND ENJOY IT!!  I SIMPLY LOVED IT!!


COMPILED BY JS BROCA  24th SEPT 2017


 PS  Here is another You tube LINK which seems better:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6Mzqxxio_w


J S BROCA  25TH Sept 2017


Image result for There was an old lady who swallowed a fly….

POLITICAL LIMERICK–TO RUSSIA WITH LOVE

POLITICAL LIMERICK—TO RUSSIA WITH LOVE


President Donald Trump somehow found that General Michael Flynn his National Security Adviser had lied about his meetings with the Russian ambassador to the USA, Sergey I. Kislyak. So Trump acted fast. Flynn was fired after only three weeks on the job after this was discovered.


Here is a limerick from my collection on this issue…..


There once was a general named Flynn


Who was picked by a prez with thin skin


Sent secrets above


To Russia with love


That’s how he became a has-been.


COMPILED BY J S BROCA  22ND Sept 2017


Source:


https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/2/15/1634288/-Political-Limerick-To-Russia-with-Love


Image result for to russia with love

My limerick on Hugh Hefner

My limerick on Hugh Hefner


Breaking News: Hugh Hefner died on 27th September 2017


A Brief on him:


Hugh Hefner (April 9, 1926 – September 27, 2017) was an American publisher and playboy. He was best known as the editor-in-chief of Playboy magazine, which he founded in 1953, and as chief creative officer of Playboy Enterprises, the publishing group that operates the magazine. An advocate of sexual liberation and freedom of expression, Hefner was a political activist and philanthropist in several other causes and public issues. RIP!


Here is my limerick on Hugh Hefner


Hugh Hefner of “Playboy” fame,


Died at 91, earning his name,


Out of the closet, came sex at last,


His issues with nudies sold very fast,


Truly, sex was no more a taboo or shame! 


By Jatinder Pal Singh Broca


New Delhi 29th Sept 2017


Image result for hugh hefner

 

 

 

A Dream of Owning and Enjoying Luxury Feelings

A Dream of Owning and Enjoying Luxury Feelings


MY LETTER IN BUSINESS TODAY ISSUE DATED 8TH OCT 2017


Here is an edited version of my letter:


This refers to your annual Luxury Issue 2017 (September 24). Your editorial rightly mentions the limitations in getting details on the exact number of high net worth individuals in India. Yes, in India demonetisation did play a part in curbing the desires of the super rich, but it is a momentary phase. Making money and acquiring assets like luxury villas, cars, exotic jewellery, is the physical side of a human being’s basic desire to show off. Enjoying moments of pleasure by dining with your family and friends on occasions like birthdays and anniversaries in exclusive restaurants or hotels is the emotional side for keeping the memory of those intimate moments alive for life. Business Today’s issues on luxury motivate the readers like us to at least dream of owning and enjoying the feelings of having luxury watches, swanky yachts, designer jewellery, opulent bathrooms, exclusive gourmet foods, luxurious houses, lavish weddings, and what not! Kudos to the entire BT team for a job well done.


J.S. Broca, New Delhi


22nd Sept 2017


This is what I had written to BT:


Dear Sir,


This refers to your much-awaited and well presented annual Luxury Issue of 2017 (BT 24TH Sept 2017).


Your hard-hitting editorial rightly mentions the limitations in getting your hands on exact number of High Net Worth Individuals in India or abroad or the exact statistics of their wealth. Yes, in India demonetization did play a great part in curbing the desires of our luxury kings and queens from splurging,  but it is a momentary phase it is commonly believed.


Famous quotes on luxury lifestyle, luxury living and luxury articles by well known writers have been driving home the positive and negative aspects of  LUXURY, very candidly. Here is a simple one but one of my favorites: ”One day you are going to call me and get a reply from my assistant”. Another apt one is: ”They will laugh at your dreams until you start making money.” Making money and acquiring assets like luxury villas, cars, exotic jewellery, is the physical side of a human being’s basic desire to show off. Enjoying moments of pleasure by dining with your family and friends on occasions like birthdays, anniversaries etc in exclusive restaurants or hotels is the emotional side for keeping the memory of those intimate moments alive for life.


Such beautiful, once-a-year issues on luxury by BT motivate mere mortals and readers like us to at least dream of owning and enjoying the feelings of having luxury watches, swanky yachts, designer jewellery, opulent bathrooms, exclusive gourmet foods, luxurious houses, lavish weddings, and what not!


Yes, BT surely knows the subtle art of pampering its readers!! Kudos and Thanks to the entire BT team for a job Well Done. 


Dear Editor, I also strongly recommend that you take the entire team out for a lavish lunch or dinner in some luxury location to reward them with a life time experience for memory sake!


J S Broca, New Delhi  , 11th September, 2017