Archive for » October, 2012 «

RAJAT GUPTA AS “HUMPTY DUMPTY” !!

RAJAT GUPTA AS “HUMPTY DUMPTY” !!

Here is my original letter to BUSINESS STANDARD in response to the article titled :”“Good behaviour may cut Gupta’s two-year jail term” (BS dated 26th October 2012).

Dear Sir,
This refers to your news item titled :”Good behaviour may cut Gupta’s two-year jail term” (BS dated 26th October 2012).
This episode reminds one of following  famous quotes :
“It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it” – Benjamin Franklin.
“Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” -Abraham Lincoln
It is indeed a sad story about an icon who has fallen from grace and his pedestal.Media reports in coming days will be full of news about strategies and counter strategies by both the parties to this most (in)famous case related to insider trading and readers will lap it up like an un-putdownable racy novel ! Business Schools will discuss the case and many case studies will be prepared. Legal luminaries will debate its pros and cons over cups of Starbucks Coffee (now that the first Starbucks outlet has opened ). What is more important is to know what lessons we should learn from this entire downfall of the poster-boy of Indian diaspora.The speed with which US courts have moved in this matter can teach  our Indian courts how to fast track such cases and avoid the oft quoted cliche :”Justice delayed is justice denied”. Many white-collar offenders in India still roam free due to slow and tardy pace of hearing of cases here.
Rajat Sharma’s episode compels the funny bone in me to compose the following doggerel (with apologies to the creator of the famous Nursery Rhyme on Humpty Dumpty ):
Rajat Gupta the insider,traded on the Wall,
Rajat Gupta the icon,had a shameful fall !
All his advocates,well-wishers and friends,
Could not prevent his prison sentence !!

J S BROCA, NEW DELHI

An edited short version has been published in today’s (30th October 2012) as under :

Letters :Gupta as Humpty Dumpty

Business Standard / New Delhi Oct 30, 2012

This refers to the report “Good behaviour may cut Gupta’s two-year jail term” (October 26). The Rajat Gupta episode brings to mind Benjamin Franklin’s famous quote, “It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it.” It is indeed a sad tale of an icon’s fall from grace. This compels the funny bone in me to compose the following doggerel (with apologies to the creator of the nursery rhyme, “Humpty Dumpty”):

Rajat Gupta the insider, traded on the Wall,Rajat Gupta the icon,had a shameful fall
All his advocates, well-wishers and friends,Could not prevent his prison sentence!

J S Broca, New Delhi

KEEP SMILING …..




Khushwant Singh’s 9th Joke Book !

Khushwant Singh’s  9th Joke Book !

I love Khushwant Singh. I love his jokes. I have read his joke books too. I have written about the matter on my blog too. In today’s Hindustan Times, he talks about his latest joke book—the 9th in the series. Read about it and ENJOY…..!


 QUOTE


I can do no better than reproduce the introduction I have written for my 9th Joke Book. It says all I want to say about my being an inveterate Joker. “I was 94 when Joke Book 8 was published I was sure that it would be the last of the series. I was on a diet of pills and in poor health. But here I am 97 years old and here is Joke Book 9 (orient).  Laughter is evidently the elixir of life, the best tonic in the world to ensure a long and happy life.


Laughter is not only the best tonic but humorous writing and relating other people’s jokes is very lucrative, as both my publishers and I have found. Everyone of the earlier books in the series has gone into more than a dozen reprints. They are to be seen on pavement, railway station and airport bookstalls.


But not everyone enjoys jokes, especially when they are the target. This is especially true of politicians who have notoriously thin skins. We have had quite a few very good cartoonists – Shankar Pillai, R.K. Laxman, Vijayan, Rajinder Puri, Mario Miranda. Their cartoons have enlivened our newspapers and magazines and brought a smile on our faces. But many politicians and political parties take themselves very seriously and consider far too many topics as sacred cows not to be laughed about. They take umbrage at being the butt of jokes. Laughter for them is no laughing matter. They serve who poke fun at them with legal notices – or worse.


I cannot take credit for the jokes appearing in the book. A large number were sent to me by readers who have been acknowledged by their names. Some I made up or moulded from jokes I picked up from friends, books and magazines.


At the end of the day, more than my other work as a novelist, short story writer, historian of the Sikhs or translator, I am known for my joke books. At every gathering, I am implored, ‘Koi joke-shoke ho jai’ – let there be a joke or two.  I am known as a Joker.


To this introduction I add four jokes sent by my readers: 


1) Fogged Out


Santa while out driving one morning lost his way, since the visibility was down to nearly zero due to heavy fog. To be safe, he decided to closely follow a car that was driving in front of him, and when it slowed down, overtake and ask the driver where they were.The car in front, after driving for some time, suddenly without any warning stopped, causing Santa’s car to bump into it.  The driver of the car got out and started shouting at Santa.
‘It’s not  my fault,’  Santa shouted back, ‘How can you stop so suddenly, without giving any indication or warning?”  The driver of the other car looked at Santa queerly and asked in surprise:  “You want me to given an indication that I am going to stop inside my own garage?” ( Rajeshwari Singh, Delhi )


2) Sad Day


What is the Day of Judgment? When Valentine’s Day and Raksha Bandhan fall on the same day. (J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal)


3) Two-Piece covering


My friend has never approved of scantily-clad young women. So it was with trepidation that he watched as his youngest daughter, an aspiring candidate in a beauty contest modeled her first bikini. ‘Look Daddy,’ she said, I bought this with the birthday money you and Mom gave me.’ My friend stared, glared and then snapped, ‘We didn’t give you much, did we?” (Reeten Ganguly, Tezpur)


4) Finger Test


Several young boys were rounded up by Delhi police for a medical check-up to determine the paternity of a certain teenage girl’s baby.Chandulal went in and after a few minutes came out “Don’t worry, fellows,” he smiled:  “They’ll never find out. They’re taking blood samples from my finger.” (Anirben Sen, New Delhi)


5) No room for Bapu


A Managing Director of a company was distressed to find that many men working under him had been found guilty of corruption. In order to teach others a lesson, he proposed to the Board of Directors that they put pictures of the corrupt men on the walls of the main reception room just as the police display photographs of criminals in the main hall of the police station.  Hearing this, the youngest member of the Board remarked: ‘If we do so, there will be no room left for photographs of Mahatma Gandhi and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.”(Ramesh Kotian, Udupi)


6) Pure Truth


Message from Sri Ravi Shankar in Goa: Having a wife is part of living.  But having a girl friend along with a wife is ‘Art of Living.’ (Vipin Buckshey, Delhi)


UNQUOTE


KEEP SMILING !!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG B!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG B!!

Today’s newspapers and magazines as well as TV channels are full of news regarding Amitabh Bachchan’s 70th birthday celebrations. Many of the papers have come out with special issues and features on this national icon. So, yours truly and this humble blogger, could not restrain himself and on my way back from the gym this evening, I took a nostalgic journey down my memory lane. Here is my posting based on what I recalled from the recesses of my 64 year old but yet quite fertile and active brain and its grey cells !


I was studying in MS University of Baroda in 1969 (B Tech Mech IInd Year) when AB’s first movie was released. It was titled “ Saat Hindustani “ a film written and directed by Khwaja Ahmad Abbas. The film had portrayed the heroic story of seven Indians who attempted to liberate Goa from the Portuguese colonial rule. The cast had included Utpal Dutt, Madhu, A. K. Hangal and of course Amitabh Bachchan who had made his debut with this film. Bachchan had played one of the Indians captured by the enemy nation as a POW. He had played the role of a Muslim poet. If my memory serves me right,AB had won a National Award as the best newcomer that year.I still recall seeing a group picture of the seven Indians on the then famous LAST PAGE of BLITZ newspsaper which had a huge readership in those years and the last page was edited by K S Abbas himself.Here is that picture courtsey Google images.



AB was then raw,lanky,thin, ungroomed. However, inspite of his height and so called gruff voice (for which he was intially reportedly rejected by several film makers) he had soon carved a niche for himself in Bollywood. With his film titled “Zanjeer” (1973) he soon earned the famous tag of  “The ngry Young Man”.He had arrived !!  


He has since reportedly appeared in over 180 Indian films in a career spanning more than four decades.He is now regarded as the greatest and most influential actor in the history of Indian Cinema. He was awarded the Padma Shri in 1984 and Padma Bhushan in 2001. He has won several other honours and awards in India and abroad including fourteen Filmfare Awards. He has also been the most-nominated performer in any major acting category at Filmfare, with 37 nominations overall. In addition to acting, Bachchan has also worked as a playback singer, film producer and television presenter. He also had a stint in politics in the 1980s.He has been honoured with doctorates from several universities.


On 26 July 1982, while filming Coolie in the University Campus in Bangalore, Bachchan had suffered a near fatal intestinal injury during the filming of a fight scene with co-actor Puneet Issar. Bachchan was performing his own stunts in the film and one scene required him to fall onto a table and then on the ground. However as he jumped towards the table, the corner of the table struck his abdomen, resulting in a splenic rupture from which he lost a significant amount of blood. He had required an emergency splenectomy and remained critically ill in hospital for many months, at times close to death. The public response included prayers in temples ( me included ) and offers to sacrifice limbs to save him, while later, there were long queues of well-wishing fans outside the hospital where he was recuperating.Nevertheless, he spent many months recovering and resumed filming later that year after a long period of recuperation. The film was released in 1983, and partly due to the huge publicity of Bachchan’s accident, the film was a box office success. He had married actress JAYA BHADURI in 1973.She was and still is a very good actress herself.


Their difference in heights has been the butt of many jokes. She was called a “Gilli” and he was called a “Danda” a popular rural game played using a longer wooden stick (danda) to strike a shorter pointed wooden piece (gilli).I still recall a few sugar cane juice seller stalls in Bulsar and in Baroda terming their smaller glass as “Jaya Glass” and bigger one as “Amitabh Glass” ! AB was also intially addressed as “Lamboo ji” (the tall one) for quite some time.


I have also been an avid watcher and an admirer of AB’s KBC,the famous TV quiz show now in its 6th Season I think.He has lent it an aura of respectability and great popularity by his sheer presence as a host.I can go on and on but then this posting would become very long.So I will take a break here but not before I add a list of some of his famous dialogues from some of his famous films. May AB live long !!


Zanjeer : “Yeh tumhare baap ka ghar nahin, police station hai, is liye sidhi tahrah khade raho.”


 Deewar : “Haan, main sign karoonga, lekin main akele sign nahin karoonga, main sabse pehle sign nahin karoonga. Jao pehle us aadmi ka sign le ke aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha; pehle us aadmi ka sign le ke aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya tha; pehle us aadmi ka sign le ke aao jisne mere haath pe ye leekh diya tha..ye.. Uske BAAD, us ke baad, mere bhai, tum jahan kahoge main wahan sign kar doonga.”


 “Sapne bhi samundar ki lahron ki tarah haqeeqat ki chattanon se takrakar toot jaate hain.”


Trishul :“Sahi baat ko sahi waqt pe kiya jaye to uska maza hi kuch aur hai, aur main sahi waqt ka intezaar karta hoon.”


 “Aur aap, Mr R K Gupta, aap mere najayaz baap hai. Meri maa ko aap se chahe zillat aur beizzati ke siva kuch na mila ho, lekin main apni maa, usi Shanti ki taraf se aap ki saari daulat vapas lauta raha hoon. Aaj aap ke paas aap ki saari daulat sahi, sab kuch sahi, lekin maine aap se jyaada garib aaj tak nahin dekha. Good bye, Mr R K Gupta.”


You are right, Mr R K Gupta, yeh contract mujhi ko milegi. Aur haan, mere banaye hue colony mein agar aapko ghar chahiye, to taqalluf mat kijiyega, makaan aap ko mil jayega.”


Sharabi : ”Moochein ho to Nathulal jaise warna na ho.”


“Zindagi ka tambu teen bambuo pe khada hai.”


 “Do aansoo is aankh se gire, phir do us aankh se. Phir do is aankh se, do us aankh se. Phir do is aankh se, do us aankh se. Kitne huye?...Nau lakh ke haar ke liye, barah lakh ke aansoo? Daddy hote to kehte: Vijay, tumhe business karna nahi aata?”


 Muqaddar Ka Sikander :Govardhan seth, samundar mein tairne waale kuoon aur taalabon mein dubki nahin lagaya karte hain.”


 “Aur waise hi, main is ko yahan nahi maroonga, warna log kahenge Sikandar ne apne ilake me usey mara.”


 Kaalia : Hum jaha pe khade ho jaate hein, line wahin se shuru hoti hai.”


 “Aap ne jail ki deewaron aur zanjeeron ka loha dekha hai, jailer sahab, Kaalia ki himmat ka faulaad nahi dekha.


 “Kallu se Kaalia ka safar shuru.”


 Shahenshah :Rishte me to hum tumhare baap lagte hain, naam hai Shahenshah.”


Coolie : Bachpan se hain sar par Allah ka haath, aur Allah Rakha hai mere saath, baazu par hai saathsau chhiyaasi ka billa, bees number ka beedi peeta hoon, kaam karta hoon coolie ka aur naam hai Iqbal.”


 Jiske seene mein dil hi nahin, usse dil ka daura kya padega?”


 Don :“Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin, naamumkin hai.”


 Laawaris :”  Agar apni maa ka doodh piya hai to saamne aa.”


 “Apun woh kutte ki dum hai, jo baara baras nalli ke andar daal ke, nalli tedi hoti, apun sidha nahin hota!”


Chupke Chukpe :“Jis tarah gobhi ka phool, phool hokar nahi hota, waise hi gainde ka phool bhi phool hokar phool nahi hota”


 Namak Halal :“I can talk English, I can walk English, I can laugh English because English is a very phunny language. Bhairo becomes Byron because their minds are very narrow.”


Shakti : “Narang saab, yeh kaam koi bhi insaan akele kar sakta tha, basharte ki use bhi meri hi tarah yeh pata hona chahiye ke woh is duniya mein akela aaya hai aur akela hi jaayega, isliye agar usey kuch karna hai toh woh bhi akele hi karna hoga.”


 Mard :Jo mard hota hai, usey dard nahi hota.”


 Sholay : “Tumhara naam kya hai, Basanti?”


 “Ghadi ghadi drama karta hai, saala.”


 Silsila : “Main aur meri tanhaai—aksar ye baatein karte hai….”


 Kabhi Kabhie : “Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai.”


 Satte Pe Satta : “Daaru peene se liver kharab ho jaata hai.”


 Agneepath : “Pura naam, Vijay Dinanath Chauhan, baap ka naam, Dinanath Chauhan, maa ka naam, Suhasini Chauhan, gaon Mandwa, umar chhattis saal…”


 “Yeh telephone bhi ajeeb cheez hai—aadmi sochta kuch hai, bolta kuch hai aur karta kuch hai.”


 “Pagar badao… pandrasau rupiye me ghar nahin chalta, saala imaan kya chalega?”


Major Saab : “Don’t mess with the army.”


Sooryavansham :“Sooryavansh ek aag hai jisme doston ke liye jitni jyoti hai, dushmanon ke liye utni hi jwala. Bhoon dalo is kambaqt ko.”