Archive for » May, 2012 «

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL..

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL..


Here is news item from today’s news papers:

Women check their appearance 8 times a day

Women never change. They check their appearance in the mirror eight times a day — using shop windows, car wing mirrors and even other people’s sunglasses, says a new study. In the study, based on a survey inBritain, one in 10 woman have admitted that they cannot walk past a car without bending to check their hair and make-up.

And, one in three women believe they look their best in their own bathroom mirror while one in 20 said they looked their worst in the mirror in the loo at work, according to the poll of 2,000 women by ‘Simple’ skincare.
What’s more interesting is that four in 10 even have favorite mirrors they feel they look better in than others, the ‘Daily Express’ reported. Dr Christine Bundy ofManchesterUniversity said: “Many women have busy lives where they are on the go and want to look their best. “So giving themselves a glimpse when they get the chance is natural. It’s important to check your appearance to boost confidence.

My comments:

1.Let a woman look in a mirror as many times as she feels like, if it boosts her confidence. What is 8 times? Let her see herself maybe 18 times.

2.Don’t such magazines or survey conducting agencies have more better things to do ? I wonder.

3. BTW, why does a woman want to look beautiful after all ? Its because they want to impress us men ! Who doesn’t want to be impressed, pray do tell me ?

4. I recall a fairy tale called SNOW WHITE read in my school days, wherein a character keeps asking a magic mirror :”Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all ?” The mirror always replies “You, my queen, are fairest of all.” Read the entire story to know more…

5.A Poetry website : www.poemhunter.com , has several poems on the subject of Mirror. Here is a sample:

Mirror, Mirror, Bloody Fibber

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Can’t you show me tall and slim?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Must I look so bloody grim?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

You’re distorting my poor waist!

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

And why the heck am I defaced?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Why have I a double chin?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

And what’s the stupid, goofy grin?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Pointless asking ‘Who’s the fairest?

More bloody likely, ‘Who’s the queerest?

Now look, I paid a big bucks for thee,

So why can’t you be nice to me?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Who’s the fairest of them all?

Me, you say? Ah, that’s better

Mirror, mirror, bloody fibber!

Read more on the poemhunter website.

I believe in: “Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it.”

So read such reports and keep smiling.

Sperms,ahoy !

Sperms,ahoy !

 

A recent Bollywood movie named “VICKY DONOR” has caught the public’s eye and has set cash registers of John Abraham’s production house ( its his maiden production ) ringing !

Here is the story and the movie review:

Story:

Unemployed Vicky is urged by a fertility sexpert to make better use of his ‘wasted’ sperms. He turns this into a ‘productive’ idea, until it becomes the origin of more troubles.

Movie Review:

Looking for designer babies anyone? With the looks of Brad Pitt/Aishwarya? The stardom of SRK? The talent of Lady Gaga? Well, you need a super-sperm that’s one in a million, and Vicky Donor (Ayushmann Khurrana) is full of the ‘spunk’ that your fertile imagination needs. He’s the biological dad of 53 healthy children! Want more? He’s unemployed, single, and his view of sex is, jitna mile, utna kum. But don’t slam him as a sex-maniac just yet. So what if all he does is ‘shag’ for a living. At least he breeds joy, cheer and sperms all over the world. Vicky’s over-the-top Punjabi mother (Dolly Ahluwalia) – 100 decibels above average noise levels – constantly nags her puttar about his worthlessness. On the other hand, he’s pampered by granny Biji (Kamlesh Gill) – more progressive than all the Dilli-wali kitty party aunties. In the meanwhile, fertility expert, Dr. Chaddha (Annu Kapoor), is frantically looking for a sperm donor for his rich clientele. Vicky is his perfect find, with the Alexander of Sperms. But obviously, he can’t disclose anything about his baby-boom(for the moolah, of course) to anyone. It’s just too unmanly for a Punjab da sher. Even the love of his life, Ashima Roy (Yami Gautam) who he eventually weds, is kept in the dark. This plants the seed for other complications, which pop up as surprises later.

Ayushmann Khurrana is rock solid. In this tailor-made debut, he’s natural and impressive. He doesn’t come from a filmi gene pool, but he’ll hold his own (pun intended) in Bollywood. Newbie Yami Gautam is the estrogen element in this sperm-dominated enterprise. She’s a sheer delight to watch, emoting effortlessly.

What keeps this film together is the solid supporting cast. Annu Kapoor, in a convincing performance, is bankable as ever. He only speaks sperm language, referring to men as ‘complicated sperm’, ‘confused sperm’, et al, and giving advice on how to ‘up’ the count. Dolly Ahluwalia, plays the dominating mother and saas-serving bahu with melodrama and laughable lines. The unforgettable act is Kamlesh Gill, lighting up every scene with sasuma-like sarcasm, interspersed with witty one-liners and a drunken scene that cracks you up.

Director Shoojit Sircar is back with a bold, first-of-its-kind concept that’s taboo. He makes this sperm of an idea swim all the way. He intelligently uses comedy to break mindsets, without embarrassing moments or awkward lines. The film entertains, without preaching sexual moralities or social service. Even the music blends beautifully with the story. The winner here is the script (Juhi Chaturvedi), penned with subtlety, oodles of non-slapstick humour, while sensitizing the cause at hand. However, the lingo gets too Punju at times and the last twenty minutes could do with some editing.

It takes a man to make a film like this, literally. Kudos to John Abraham for his brave maiden production. Thankfully, this sperm hits bulls-eye.

The movie has shamelessly spawned many jokes on the species called sperms, to tickle those who enjoy such steamy stuff! Sample these selected jokes collected from various sources:

Sperm Donation

A man in his 30s walks in a sperm donation clinic. Now this is a very smart man who spent his whole life studying in his high school years. never went to any party in his life. He finally decides to produce a child, by donating his sperm to a bank, so he can say he passed on his seed. The doctor takes him down a hallway, and stops at a room. he says to him “Heres a container, and a few playboys. Just go in the room and do whatever you gotta do to fill it.”
1 hour goes by. 3 hours go by. 5 hours go by, and finally 11 hours go by. The doctor knocks on the door, and asks if there anything the matter. He walks in, and the guy is holding the container. “I couldn’t get the lid off”

Sperm bank joke

Q. How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?
A. Ring them up and say you can’t come.

Father daughter talk

A sweet little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working and asks him, “Daddy, what’s sex?”

So, her father sits her down and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He tells her about puberty, menstruation, erections and wet-dreams. Then he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the whole works, thinking that to tell it all is the only way to tell the truth. The girl is quite awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks, “So what made you wish to know about sex?” “Oh, mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”

Vanilla Pudding Robbery

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe’s combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank’s audio tape system, one robber said, “At least we’ll have a bit to eat.” The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read: IRELAND’S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING

Sperm dialogue :

Two sperms are swimming. The young one says:

“Hey, how long is it to get to the ovaries?”

To which the other replies:

“Ovaries? We haven’t passed the tonsils yet!”

Astonishing

The average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm  when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes it  into his mate.  So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean  every time one unloads.  And you wonder why the ocean is so salty?

Difference  
Q: What’s the difference between a woman and a coffin ?  A: You come in one and go in the other.

Sperm dialogue :

Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other?

A: Fuck it..we’ll never find an egg in all this shit. 

Sperm Donor

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I`m here to donate some blood. They`re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: “Hmm, that`s interesting. I`m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.” The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. About a week later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center. Man: “Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?” Woman: “Unh unh,” she replies, her mouth tightly closed.

SPERM DONOR

There is this really old guy, like 80 years old. He comes into a hospital and says: “I Wanna donate some sperm.” So the nurse gives him a jar and tells him to come back tomorrow with the sperm.

The next day, he came back but the jar was empty. So, the nurse asks “What happened? Where’s the sperm?” Well, he replies: “I went home and I tried so hard! I used my right hand and then my left hand. Then my wife tried! She used her right hand and then she tried her left hand! Then she used her mouth, once using her teeth and once without. Then we asked our neighbor to come over and she tried with her left hand and then her right hand! then she tried with her mouth, once with her teeth and once without.”
The nurse gasps.. “Oh dear! You even asked your neighbor!” The man says… “Yeah.. and we still couldn’t get the jar open!

Q: Why do they pay sperm donors? A: Because otherwise they’d stop coming!

 

Sidhuisms to de-stress you…

Sidhuisms to de-stress you…

Navjot Singh Sidhu,born 20 October 1963, is a former Indian cricketer . After retirement from cricket he has taken up television commentary, and politics.Sometime ago,he was forced to resign from his political position because he was convicted of homicide,but he won from the same seat once he was cleared from the charges.Navjot Singh Sidhu has had a volatile career as a cricketer from 1983 to 1999.He made an uneventful international debut against the West Indies at Ahmedabad in 1983 scoring just 19 runs in his debut Test match. He was given another chance in that series but failed again. He was selected for the 1987 Cricket World Cup in India scoring 73 on his One Day International debut in a losing effort against Australia. He scored 50s in 4 of the 5 World Cup 1987 matches in which he batted, failing in the semifinal against England. His first ODI century came against Pakistan in Sharjah in 1989 while his 134 against England at Gwalior in 1993 was his highest ODI score and the innings which he called his best when he retired in 1999.Sidhu started his career as a commentator for NIMBUS when India toured Sri Lanka in 2001. He however later became a commentator with ESPN Star Sports. As a commentator, Sidhu is noted for his one-liners, which are popularly known as “Sidhuisms”.I have been collecting his”Sidhuisms”from various sources since many years.I now intend to share them with my readers.Here is a begining:


Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide !
Statistics are like bikinis, what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential !



Cricket is the game of glorious uncertainities ! Glorious – When Tendulkar plays; Uncertain – when the rest of the team plays !
It is not just the spectators, the cricketers too get distracted when the cheerleaders shake their bums !!



Keep smiling and forget your stresses …Keep watching for some more smileys soon !

Run fast, to stay in place……

Run fast, to stay in place….

There was an interesting  article in the Financial Express of 17th April 2012 by Raghuram Rajan,Eric J Gleacher Distinguished Service Professor of Finance at the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business and the honorary economic advisor to the Prime Minister of India.


Here is the link to his article titled :” FDI is not an enemy, it is a necessity” :


Financial Express FDI


In response to the above article,I had written a Letter to the Editor expressing my views as under :


Dear Sir, This refers to Professor Raghuram Rajan’s article “FDI is not an enemy, it is a necessity” in FE of 17th April 2012.He has very rightly advocated the need for FDI, which, in a way, can be the life-line for the country’s future progress, if brought in, well in time. The task begun by Dr Manmohan Singh in 1991, by launching first generation reforms, needs to be logically followed up with the next generation of reforms, keeping aside petty political bickering and differences , so that the country’s economic revival efforts get under way without further delay. Most readers will agree with the learned Professor that India surely needs FDI, and needs it right away, when, the world has become and is becoming more competitive day by day. In the words of Philip Kotler, “today you have to run faster, to stay in place”. The main ingredients for revival are technology, expert man-power and of course, the most vital input…money. These have to be brought in at a much faster and bigger scale than in the recent past. FDI not only brings in money but also brings in expertise which is equally important. Many countries which were waiting for opening of gates for more FDI and were considering India as a vital destination for FDI, have of late, had second thoughts about it, mainly because of differences between various factions of the Government. That loss of confidence needs to be re-built and old beliefs and mentality that outside money will result in a sort of domination by outsiders, very much like the British in our past, need to be shed away forthwith, to build a modern and vibrant economy, in tune with the Globalization ideals. It is a well documented fact that unemployment as well as under-employment, are the key causes of  unrest in any country. These need to be tackled by going in for setting up massive bases for manufacturing goods and providing other services, which will create more employment for millions. To achieve this, FDI is needed in abundant measure. The Professor has very aptly summarized the importance of FDI and has, at the end, exhorted that we need to be really paranoid about sustaining our growth and only then we will realize the full promise and potential of Dr Manmohan Singh’s earlier reforms. Let us all get back to the vital task of rebuilding the economy. - J S BROCA, NEW DELHI


In today’s FE (1st May 2012) an edited version of my letter has been published as under :


Letters to the editor ,Tuesday, May 01, 2012 
Run fast, to stay in place  - Apropos of Prof Raghuram Rajan’s column “FDI is not an enemy, it is a necessity” (FE, April 17), the author has rightly advocated the need for FDI, which, in a way, can be the life-line for the country’s future progress, if brought in well in time. The task begun by Manmohan Singh in 1991 by launching first-generation reforms needs to be logically followed up with the next generation of reforms, keeping aside petty political bickering and differences. In the words of Philip Kotler, “Today you have to run faster to stay in place”. The main ingredients for revival are technology, expert manpower and, of course, money. FDI not only brings in money but also brings in expertise. Let us all get back to the vital task of rebuilding our economy. – JS Broca, New Delhi


Here is the link to the letter for those who wish to read it on line :