Archive for » August, 2010 «

a poor punch line….

a poor punch line…
I heard a delightful sher from a friend yesterday.The original in Hindi was enjoyable because the last line-the punch line -was very apt.I tried to translate it into English but even after many attempts,I did not get an equally or more funny punch line as in the original.
Need I explain what a punch line is ? Well,here it is : 
A punch line is the final part of a joke or a comedy act which is intended to be funny and to provoke laughter from the listeners. For instance, in the following well-known joke:

A man walks into a bar with a duck under his arm.
The bartender asks: “Say, where did you find the pig?”
“It’s not a pig, it’s a duck,” the man answers.
To which the barman replies: “I was talking to the duck.”

Can my dear readers help me…please ?
Please do not take pot shots at me !
original : 
hum guzrey un ki gali sey-
ajab ittefaq tha.
hum guzrey un ki gali sey-
ajab ittefaq tha.
unhon ney fenka hum pey phool-
lekin gamla bhi saath tha.
translation :
i passed down her lane-
it was just a coincidence.
i passed down her lane-
it was just a coincidence.
she threw a flower at me-
but with the pot along with it
(it wasn’t a coincidence ?)
(wasn’t it so indecent ?) 
I hope that the next time I pass through that lane purposely,I will be well prepared to cross it safely.Wish me a safe landing…!!

It’s a matter of time…

It’s a matter of time…. 

I was discussing the concept of time management with some of the MBA students in one of my classes recently.Time is money.Time and tide waits for no man etc. We also discussed how technology changes with time and how things change with time too.In a lighter vein, I narrated the following three humorous situations: 

Waqt waqt ki baat….. 

1. Kavi ka waqt… 

Ek kavi shaadi key baad biwi sey bola :

“Aaj sey tum hee meri kavita* ho,kalpna* ho, bhavna* ho..”

Patni bolee :” Merey liyey bhi aaj sey aap hee merey

Dinesh ho,Rohit ho,Raakesh ho..”!! 

(* in Hindi, these are popular names of girls too ) 

Translation : 

A Poet’s time…. 

A poet , just after his marriage, said to his wife :

“From today,you alone are my poetry,my imagination,my feelings …”

Replied the wife :”For me too,from today,you are

My Dinesh, my Rohit, my Raakesh …” !!  

2.Hanumaan ji ka waqt…  

“Bhagwaan,abb main dharti par nahin reh saktaa.”

“Kyoon nahin reh saktey?”

“Pehley log lait karr maathaa tektey ththey,

Firr thoda samay jaaney ke baad,

Keval jhuk karr tekney laggey

Main firr bhi kush thaa !

Lekin abb tau ghor kallyug aa gaya hai !

Aaj mandir mein ek 22 saal ki ladki aayi

Aur haath hilla karr boli–‘ Hai Hanu !’ “ 

Translation : 

Lord Hanuman’s time…. 

Said Lord Hanuman to God,

“I can’t stay on this earth any more”

“Why” asked God very calmly.

“God,earlier,devotees used to prostrate

Before me and offer their respects.

A few years later, they just bowed their head

And offered their respects,

But I was still happy…

However,now, times are so bad.

You know God,what happened this morning?

A girl of 22 walked up to my idol in the temple,

Just waved her hand at me and said :

‘ Hi Hanu ‘ “!!  

3.Bhikhaari ka waqt… 

Bhikhaari bola mujh sey,

“Saheb 10 rupaey dey do,

Mobile re-charge karr key

Girl friend ko phone karna hai.”

Main bola:”Wah,Bhikhaari

Nein bhi girl friend banai hai..”

Bhikhaari bola:”Nahin Saheb

Girl friend nein hee 

Bhikhaari banaya hai ! “ 

Translation : 

A Beggar’s Time… 

Said a beggar to me one day:

“Sir, give me ten rupees, I pray.

I have to get my mobile re-charged

And talk to my girl friend.”

Astonished,this is what, I uttered :

“A Beggar too has a girl friend these days.”

In turn,the beggar thus muttered :

“No Sir,my girl friend has

Turned me into a beggar…!” 



Human interest story…

I read the following story in a news paper this morning. I sent it to one of my friends –a great poetess and she instantly came out with a beautiful poem on this issue. I am posting the story and the poem for you dear readers. I hope you will love them. Happy Reading…

Doctors declared Jamie Ogg dead but his mother Kate just did not give up on him.
This is her story. 
AN AUSTRALIAN mother has told how her touch brought her ‘ dead’ baby back to life at a hospital in Sydney.
Doctors gave tiny Jamie Ogg no chance of survival when he was born prematurely at 27 weeks weighing just 2lb, or just under 1kg.His twin sister Emily had survived but after battling for 20 minutes to get him to breathe Jamie was declared dead.
He was then handed to his mother Kate so she and her husband David could grieve and say their goodbyes.But after two hours of being spoken to, touched, cuddled and held by his mother, he miraculously began showing signs of life. Then, after being given breast milk on his mother’s finger, he began breathing regularly.
Kate, who gave birth after a three- hour labour in March, has spoken of how vital ‘ skin- on- skin’ care can be for a sick baby, or ‘ kangaroo touch’ as it is known in Australia. ‘ Skin- on- skin’ care is when the child is laid on the mother.
Normally, premature babies are sent to intensive care and she was only given her son to hold because he was thought to have died.
Telling how the drama unfolded at a hospital in Sydney, she said,
“ The doctor asked me after the birth had we chosen a name for our son. I said, ‘ Jamie’, and he turned around with my son already wrapped up and said, ‘ We’ve lost Jamie, he didn’t make it, sorry’.” “ It was the worse feeling I’ve ever felt. I unwrapped Jamie from his blanket. He was very limp. His little arms and legs were just falling down away from his body.
“ I took my gown off and arranged him on my chest with his head over my arm and just held him. He wasn’t moving at all and we just started talking to him. We told him what his name was and that he had a sister.
We told him the things we wanted to do with him throughout his life,” said Kate.
Jamie occasionally gasped for air, which doctors said was a reflex action. She added: “ After just five minutes I felt him move as if he were startled, then he started gasping more and more regularly.
“ I thought, ‘ Oh my God, what’s going on?’ A short time later he opened his eyes. It was a miracle. I told my mum, who was there, that he was still alive.Then he held out his hand and grabbed my finger,” said Kate about the magical moment.Then Jamie opened his eyes and moved his head from side to side.
Kate said a message was passed on to their doctor insisting the baby was showing signs of life, but he sent back a midwife with the reply that they were just natural reflexes and that there was no possible way he could still be alive.
Kate then said to her husband, “ What if he lives?” She added: “ I was like, ‘We could be the luckiest parents in the world’.” She gave Jamie some breast milk on her finger. He took it and started regular breathing. “ At that point the doctor came back. He got a stethoscope, listened to Jamie’s chest and just kept shaking his head. He said, ‘ I don’t believe it, I don’t believe it’.” David,
speaking to the Australian TV show Today Tonight , said, “ Luckily, I’ve got a very strong, very smart wife. She instinctively did what she did. If she hadn’t have done that, then Jamie probably wouldn’t be here.” The doctor who delivered Jamie refused to be interviewed for the TV show. 
(From Mail Today 27th Aug 2010)
Now here is the poem :
Shernaz Wadia, Aug 27, 2010
Drama In A Sydney Hospital
(Based on  a news report from  Mail Today, Aug 27, 2010, sent by J. S. Broca) 

“Have you decided on a name for your son?” 

‘Jamie’, said Kate joy brimming from her eyes 

She held out her arms to hold her premie baby 

Swathed and bundled in the doctor’s hands. 

‘We’ve lost Jamie, he didn’t make it, sorry. 

You may say your goodbyes to him now’. 

The sparkle replaced by disbelief 

Kate slowly undid the swaddling cloth 

Stared achingly – dangling limbs, lifeless head – 

Was her precious baby really dead? 

She held him against her bare chest, 

Skin to skin, the tiny head on her arm 

“Sweetheart, I am your mother. 

Dad and I have named you Jamie. 

You know you have a twin sister too 

And we have great dreams for you.  

Wake up, little one, to fulfill those dreams” 

Jamie occasionally gasped for air, 

But the doctor brushed it off –  

“A natural reflex. He just can’t be alive” 

The mother’s heart believed otherwise. 

For two hours she held him close,  

Cuddled him and persistently talked to him.  

Gasping again, to his parents’ delight 

The miracle baby stretched his tiny hand, 

Grasped his mother’s finger, opened his eyes 

And moved his head from side to side! 

The doctor thought he knew better,  

Said these signs didn’t matter!  

“He just can’t be alive.” 

From her breast on to her finger 

Kate took a drop of life-saving elixir 

Hopefully fed it to her miracle boy 

He took it! And began to breathe steadily! 

The doctor listened with his stethoscope 

Shook his head in stunned surprise 

and said repeatedly 

‘I don’t believe it, I don’t believe it’. 

How could he not?  

This was the marvelous power 

of a mother’s healing touch!

Amul does it again…

Amul in news again
(The Economic Times – 08.07.10)
AMUL has done it again – It has been voted as the Number 1 Indian brand in Asia – Pacific. Branding of Amul is completely different than any other traditional brand that you encounter. Their branding budgets are far less than many other companies, still there is hardly any Indian who is not aware of Amul ! 

Amul has bagged this honor for second year in a row –Last year also, Amul was ranked as the number one brand in India. It is also the top dairy brand in whole of Asia-Pacific ahead of much bigger conglomerates like Kraft, Dutch Lady, Dumex, Walls, Anchor, Magnolia and Everyday. 

The rankings released by Hong Kong based “Media Magazine”, ranked Amul 73rd in Top popular 1000 brands in Asia-Pacific ahead of other Indian brands like Kingfisher (# 140), ICICI Bank (# 182), State Bank of India (#226) and Tata (# 256). Amul also managed to improve its rating by 10 points compared to last year when its ranking was 83rd. 

Its interesting to note that Amul is seen very less on tradition media outlets like Television and Newspapers. However, their hoarding Ads are a real treat to watch. They pick-up the most buzzing current topic and integrate it with their Brand Amul and come out with some really funny and catchy hoardings. Some of them are real classics ! 

Here is a look at some of their recent Hoarding Ads:

Wedding of the Indian cricket captain – July’10


Current turmoil in Kashmir – July’10


Argentina coach Maradona motivates Messi and team to perform well – June’10


Oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico- June’10


Goalkeeping howler in the present World Cup- June’10

10X20 Taaja Maal 

Imagine that AMUL has kept the traditions of this hoardings for past 35 years !  

I think they have been registered in GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS for longest running ad campaign as well ! 

They are a real treat to watch, ain’t they ?

My favourite funny poem…

My favourite funny poem

I have already mentioned earlier on this forum about my love for funny poems and limericks etc. Sometime in 1991-1992,when I was posted in my bank’s Zonal Office in Chandigarh, I used to find some time to visit the famous T S Central Library located nearby in Sector-17.My search for limericks and funny poetry had continued un-abated since 1967 and onwards. Whenever I happened to come across such stuff, I used to note it down on a piece of paper and  later copy it neatly in an exercise note book. I still have some note books preserved from that era.  

Gradually, I fell in love with EDWARD LEAR ( Born 12th May 1812,Died 29th Jan 1888) a writer, who popularized limericks & nonsense  poetry. Incidentally, his birthday is now celebrated as ” LimerickDay”.   

Sometime in 1867 (133 years ago) his famous piece of nonsense titled “The Owl and The Pussy Cat” was published. It was reportedly written to regale the children of his patron. Among his other famous works were:” A Book of Nonsense” (1846) and “The History of the Seven Families of Lake Pipple-Popple” (1865) 

When I read the poem “The Owl and the Pussy Cat” for the first time, I was fascinated by Lear’s simple words, musical setting and the use of certain words-both real and imaginary to carry the readers into the realm of fantasy and pure unadulterated mirth. 

Even after almost 20 years since I first read it, it remains etched in my memory. I have read it umpteen number of times and every time it makes me smile and forget the problems of my daily life. Truly, the humour of Lear’s poems has proved to be irrefutably timeless. 

So, my dear Readers, even if you have heard of it or read it earlier, I cannot refrain from posting the poem in its entirety from my collection. Perhaps, today’s younger generation of budding poets and poetesses may get inspired to write such funny poems to tickle the readers who like their daily peg of humour undiluted.

The Owl and the Pussycat

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea

    In a beautiful pea green boat,

They took some honey, and plenty of money,

    Wrapped up in a five pound note.

The Owl looked up to the stars above,

    And sang to a small guitar,

‘O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,

      What a beautiful Pussy you are,

          You are,

          You are!

What a beautiful Pussy you are !’

Pussy said to the Owl, ‘You elegant fowl!

    How charmingly sweet you sing!

O let us be married! too long we have tarried:

    But what shall we do for a ring?’

They sailed away, for a year and a day,

    To the land where the Bong-tree grows

And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood

    With a ring at the end of his nose,

          His nose,

          His nose,

With a ring at the end of his nose.

‘Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling

    Your ring?’ Said the Piggy, ‘I will.’

So they took it away, and were married next day

    By the Turkey who lives on the hill.

They dined on mince, and slices of quince,

    Which they ate with a runcible spoon;

And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,

    They danced by the light of the moon,

          The moon,

          The moon,

They danced by the light of the moon. 



A Funny Poem

A Funny Poem
My late father was a master story teller. During family gatherings like marriages etc., he was literally besieged by children and relatives to keep them entertained. I  now vaguely remember him once narrating a story about  two boys. It was full of some hilarious situations which one just could not imagine. It was originally in Punjabi and I only remember parts of it. However, based on my recollection, I am posting the story here below as a poem,using my poetic license here and there:
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew out their swords and shot each other
The deaf heard the noise and ran to save the two dead boys
If you don’t believe this lie is true,
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too !!
Hope you had a hearty laugh !
I am sure there must be similar versions in other languages too. 


A rainy day musing…

A rainy day musing….
I wanted to go to the nearby post office this morning to post my income tax acknowledgement to I T Dept., Bangalore.
It was raining heavily. My wife told me to carry the umbrella along. I searched for my umbrella but I could not find it. I suddenly remembered  a cute little “sher” that I had heard long ago,on this ocassion. Here is  the original in Hindi first :   
Jab Jab Garja Baadal , Teri Yaad Ayee
Jhoom Ke Barsa Saawan , Teri Yaad Ayee
Bheega Main Lekin , Phir Bhi Teri Yaad Ayee
Kyoon Na Aaey Teri Yaad ?
Tuney Chhatri  Jo Abb Tak Nahin Lautayee !!
Here is my effort at a passable translation into English :
As and when the black clouds thundered
I remembered you.
When it rained whole day long in torrents
I remembered you.
I got throughly drenched in the heavy rain
And yet, I  remembered you .
Now, ask me why I remembered you dear
The reason is very simple and crystal clear.
You have not  bothered to return my umbrella
You had borrowed from me last year !!

Nostalgia-Golden Oldies….

Nostalgia-Golden Oldies….
Today I heard an old song playing on a radio.
I was transported to the year 1968 ( I was studying in the First Year Of BE then,in M S University of Baroda ).
The song is a comedy song picturised on the then very famous comedy pair of Mehmood and Aruna Irani. In those days it was a trend to have a parallel story track of the comedian pair too along with the lead pair.
In this song Mehmood is dressed up like Charlie Chaplin and acts funnily like him too.He is an Englishman and he wants Aruna to convert herself from an Indian girl to a modern English girl.
The details of this song are as under :
Film :AULAAD  
Song : Jodi Hamari Jamega Kaisey Jani
Singers: Manna Dey ,Asha Bhosle
Year :1968 :
Director :  Kundan Kumar
Music Director :  Chitragupta
Leading Cast :  Jeetendra, Babita, Sujit Kumar, Mahmood, Nazir Hussain, Manmohan Krishan, Achla Sachdev, Aruna Irani, Helen, Manmohan
Label :  Saregama-HMV
Genre :  HAPPY

Lyrics :

jodi hamari jamega kaisey jani-2
hum to hai angrezi tum ladki hindustani

tumko bhi mushkil mujhe bhi pareshani-2
baat mano saiyan ban jao hindustani
jodi hamari…..

angrezi mulak mein kitna romance hai
baahar ka chokari kitna advance hai-2

dekhe bhi na kabhi koi itey  pyaar se
mukhde pe laaj ka  aancharva daar ke
khilti hai sajnaa ghunghat mein jawaani
jodi hamari jamega kaisey jani-2
baat mano saiyan ban jao hindustani
jodi hamari…

baahon mein tham ke do ghanta roz mein
tumko sikhlayega ulfat ka poz mein-2

daiya re nain ka kajra na choot jaye
jhakjhoro na piya jhumka na toot jaye
ro degi dekho tumhare dil ki rani

tumko bhi mushkil mujhe bhi pareshani-2
hum to hai angrezi tum ladki hindustani
jodi hamari…..

lao mein kaat doon lambi lambi yeh lat hau
tumko to hir se banana hai juliet -2

yun na pagal bano dekho re balma
chilla ke  shor mein kar dungi jalima
zulfen katta key lagungi mein diwani

jodi hamari jamega kaisey jani-2
hum to hai angrezi tum ladki hindustani

tumko bhi mushkil mujhe bhi pareshani
baat mano saiyan ban jao hindustani

jodi hamari……

To enjoy this song on Youtube, go to the following link:

I hope you will love this song as much as I love it…..


Santo’s cookery diary…

Santo’s Cookery Diary 

I hope most of the readers are aware of some famous and lovable cartoon characters like Santa,Banta,Santo ( Santa’s better half) and Banto ( Banta’s equally better half ) etc. 

I believe that there are two categories of women.One category of women is who don’t know how to cook but will cook.The other of course is the category: who know how to cook but won’t ever cook !  

Read this piece and decide for yourself as to which category our Santo belongs ! 

Long ago I had read an article about a dumb blonde (incidentally, all blondes are said to be dumb !) ( Dumb-for the un-iniated,means five feet barometer with vacuum at the top,and not those who can’t speak !) The blonde always tried to cook but she was always a natural disaster. 

The same analogy has been punjabi-cised here ( if I can use that word !) 

Here is what Santo scribbled in her diary (which was stealthily discovered from her kitchen cabinet by my friendly neighbourhood detective who has a fine nose for punjabi kitchen flavours as well as good detecting abilities !) 

It’s fun to cook for Santa. Today I made an angel cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbours-Channo,Shanno,Jeeto and Preeto-all were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Santa wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a surprise you know, when Santa brought Banta,a friend of his,home for supper !!

A good day for a rice dish. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed a bit silly but,I took a leisurely bath. I can’t say it improved the rice to any extent.

Today Santa asked for vegetable salad.I tried a new recipe today. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.I followed the recipe but when Santa came home a bit early he caught me in the act of tossing.That is what led Santa asking me why I was rolling around in the garden !.

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Santa did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday.For some reason Santa keeps counting to ten.

Santa’s folks were coming to dinner. I wanted to serve a roast. All I could find was a burger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the burger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out a burger, much to my disappointment.

Good Night Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Santa. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a Chocolate Moose.See you next week same place same time.Happy cooking till then !  


35 years on,the “Sholay” fire still burns….

35 years on, the ‘Sholay’ fire still burns 

It drew its inspiration from multiple Hollywood movies but went on to become the quintessential Indian film, perfectly balancing drama and tragedy, romance and violence, comedy and action.  

Today on August 15 it is exactly 35 years since ‘Sholay’ was released (1975 ) – three decades and more of Gabbar, Jai, Veeru and Basanti still striking a chord. 

Sometimes described as an Indian curry western, ‘Sholay’ is still a reference point for Indian cinema and impossible to pin down to any one genre. It was about the undying friendship between Jai and Veeru, the unspoken love of a young widow, the exuberant romance between a garrulous ‘tonga walli’ and a flamboyant thief, the immensely tragic life of an idealistic police officer and, of course, Gabbar Singh, the dacoit who struck terror. 

It worked at many levels, and still does for generations of film-goers who watch the 1975 multi-starrer for the ultimate movie-going experience. For some, it’s nostalgia and, for the young cinema buff, ‘Sholay’ is a matter of curiosity. 

Director Ramesh Sippy was called a magician for the spell he cast. The film is the ultimate high point for many stars – from the lead stars Amitabh Bachchan, Dharmendra and Hema Malini to the unknown Amjad Khan who as Gabbar became one of Hindi cinema’s best known villains. The cameos by character artists Asrani and Jagdeep were equally important to the success of the film and still remembered. 

Even Macmohan, who had barely a dialogue in the film, was ‘Samba’ till the day he died in May this year. 

‘We had no idea that this will become such a huge film. We conceived an idea and when we started working on the screenplay, gradually it dawned on us that the film has more than two important characters,’ Javed Akhtar, who co-scripted the cult film with Saleem Khan, told IANS. 

‘After 35 years, even the minor characters are used in ads, promos, films and sit coms,’ he said. 

Ironically, there were few takers when ‘Sholay’, which translates to fire, was released on August 15, 1975. At three hours and 20 minutes, it was deemed too long. But, in an era where there was no television and no effective visual marketing tools, word of mouth worked. It ran for five years straight at Mumbai’s Minerva theatre, for instance. 

‘No multistarrer worked as ‘Sholay’ did. It’s got everything. It was a complete package. Initially, in the first two weeks, it didn’t do well but it picked up from the third week onwards and became an overnight sensation,’ said trade analyst Taran Adarsh. 

‘It remains the box office gold standard, a reference point for both the Indian film-going audience and the film industry. For ‘Sholay’ is not merely a film, it is the ultimate classic,’ film critic Anupama Chopra wrote in her book ‘Sholay: The Making of a Classic’. 

‘Even the starring animal, Dhanno the mare, has been immortalised.’ 

Technologically, too, the movie was one of its kind – ‘Sholay’ was India’s first 70mm film and also the first stereophonic sound movie. 

‘ ‘Sholay’ remains the Indian film industry’s monument to 70 mm filmmaking,’ noted film historian Gautam Kaul told IANS. 

Produced by G.P. Sippy at a budget of about Rs.3 crore at that time, it was completed by Ramesh Sippy over a period of two-and-a-half years. It was released with as many as 250 prints. 

Scriptwriter duo Salim-Javed wrote themselves into posterity, their dialogues being mouthed across the country. They were at their creative best-from scripting action scenes, to flavouring it with romance and comedy-they served the tastiest ever curry for Indian audiences. 

Even all these years later, it is still that rare film whose dialogue soundtrack was released along with the music. Who can forget ‘Kitne aadmi ththey ?’, ‘Jo darr gaya, samjho marr gaya’ or ‘Tumhara naam kya hai, Basanti?’

‘This film was also the watermark for film scriptwriters, who until ‘Sholay’ were not paid so well… film scriptwriting became a better, respected and lucrative profession after ‘Sholay’,’ said Kaul. 

Item numbers may be a rage now, but legendary R.D. Burman served up one of India’s best with ‘Mehbooba, mehbooba’. 

Inspired by Hollywood films like ‘Once Upon A Time In The West’ (1968) and ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid’ (1969), ‘Sholay’ still has to its credit a standing record of 60 golden jubilees across India. It was the first film in the history of Indian cinema to celebrate a silver jubilee at over 100 theatres across the country. 

The plaudits have never stopped. 

In 1999, BBC India declared it as the ‘film of the millennium’. Its run at the Bollywood box office even caught the attention of the Guinness Book of World Records, where it was inducted for its five-year run. 

Corporate executive Harshad Jain sums up the ‘Sholay’ magic. ‘I’ve seen it 300 times, I won’t mind seeing it 100 times more. It was the best part of growing up.’ 

May the magic of Sholay continue to mesmerise its viewers for more years. 

I wonder why no body thinks of a sequel- Maha Sholay !! 


To view one of the most famous dialogue sequences from Gabbar’s den,go to the following link on Youtube: 

Happy viewing….!!