
Archive for March, 2010

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I’ll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?
MONKEY BUSINESS :
I read the following poem in Muse :
Poetry
By Sandra Martyres, Mar 27, 2010
Mumbai, INDIA, sandra.martyres@gmail.com
Peanuts – Anyone ???
Candidate No 1
“If you pay peanuts
Only monkeys will
Probably work for you”,
so said the candidate
To her prospective boss
He remained undeterred
“What if I raise the bar
And offer a cashewnut”
He yelled out – but she
Had already walked out
Candidate No 2
“Please come in” he said
“Make yourself comfortable
While I make myself some tea”
The candidate was surprised
But said nothing, just watched
“How do you like peanuts”
He shot the first question
“Don’t mind them Sir”
Her reply came as a surprise,
“No further questions
Young lady – you’re hired”
“But Sir ” she started to say
” Now what’s the problem
You said you liked peanuts
And that’s what I pay!!!”
My response :
Dear Sandra, the main quote : “If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys,” is attributed to one James Goldsmith. That reminds me of another funny quote :”Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a monkey looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey !” so said Malcom De Chazal.
Further :”There’s a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they’d eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare !”. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn’t true.
This poem bought out the monkey in me !
I started collecting jokes,poems,facts,pictures etc etc on monkeys !
Here is my collection:
Hope you will enjoy my monkey business !
1.A Parable…The Tale of the Hunter, The Monkey & The Peanuts….
Some of the other qualities we have to emulate to be an ideal manager are as follows:
The more the knowledge and skill and goodness you have the more humility you must have. The less the ego, the more effective you are as a manager.
Not indulging in sense pleasures but ever engaged in doing his duties.
No trace of anger.
Not resorting to restlessness and not undertaking unnecessary work, no extra movement of hands, legs, etc.
Fearless.
Never be afraid or hesitate to do what is dharma.
Fulfils his promises and forgoes his own gains or wants.
Well versed in theory and practice required and acknowledged as an adept.
Ever ready to forgive but not as weakness.
Ever alert and energetic but not a slave to sensuous pleasures.
Does not say unpleasant truth. Truthful, but because it is the truth he does not go on saying it, and speaks pleasantly and pleasing truth; does not lie merely to be pleasing and pleasant.
Simplicity (but of nature that does not mean he is a fool or that he dresses in tom or outdated clothes).
Is susheel (difficult to give an English equivalent but means full of good qualities.)
If we practice any one sadguna, gradually all good qualities shall come. There is nobody who has no sadguna. At least one good quality is there in everyone, every animal, every plant, etc. By that one good quality that person can develop himself. Similarly, we must avoid even a single bad quality.
Does not have jealousy.
Samatvam. Maintains his equilibrium.
No strong likes and dislikes.
He is full of joy and jokes but does not hurt anyone.
Is a good communicator and explains things through verses from Vedas, to illustrate the points.
Has forbearance. He forgives personal insults but not society or group insults.
Takes action whenever a wrong is committed to anyone, not merely when it is against him.
Does not insult anyone.
Does not quarrel over money, woman, etc.
Has firm devotion to God.
Does not criticise.
Good communicator and orator.
As a leader he is fully alert to see who is doing good/ bad work and is ever ready to reward and punish as needed.
Soft spoken.
Notices and observes strengths, faults of all but never tells faults of one to another. Does not speak unnecessarily of one to another.
Has excellent judgement on what responsibilitycan be given to whom and to what extent without letting extraneous considerations like friendship affecting his judgement.
Does not try to find faults in the shastras but has shraddha in its teachings. Has firm principles and lives without deviating from these.
Never wastes time and thus sets a good role model for others to follow.
Is always in full control of the situation.
Has high standards and understands the essence of the shastras, and has a firm grasp of its application.
Is always active, fully alert and is never careless or callous.
Is ever conscious of the right time, muhurta and follows it exactly, very punctual.
Is modest.
Is ever interested in the well-being of others.
Never reveals the secrets of one to another.
Is scholarly, without anger and without cheating or falsifying.
Always happy either in loss or gain.
Is unattached, with a firm mind and is expert and skilful in what he does
Is free from disease.
Understands the value of time and makes full and good use of it.
Knows the atmatatva the reality that he is the Atman and therefore a good human being.
His world-view of reality is firm and based on the foundation of the shastras and therefore the whole superstructure of his personality is sound and perfect.
Because his foundation and inner convictions are based on a perfect understanding of the truth therefore his whole life and personality are always directed towards the goal — the goal of self-realisation, which is the common goal of everyone.
Recruitment Humour
HRD
How many HR staff does it take to change a lightbulb?
Let us forget the recent recessionary trends in the industry in apna desh
While teaching some MBA students, I met a few who are specializing in HRD !
I asked them a simple question : How many HR staff does it take to change a lightbulb?
I received some interesting answers :
- One to change the light bulb.
- The second to assess the risk of the light bulb changing process.
- A third to ensure the light bulb changing process adheres to the internal compliance regime for health and safety during light bulb changes.
- A fourth to ensure that the internal purchase order procedures have been adhered with for light bulb change orders.
- A fifth to audit the supply of the light bulb following the internal purchase order procedure.
- A sixth to report back to the compliance and risk functions that the supply and audit divisions had complied with the light bulb change risk and compliance procedures.
- A seventh to monitor that the light bulb was changed by a member of staff who was cleared by the concerned department to be authorised with light bulb changing management.
- And an eighth being the most important………they are responsible for costing the light bulb changing process and being creative enough to incorporate the pricing of the eight people into their customers’ monthly billing statement without their customer noticing.

RECRUITMENT OF PILOTS
The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base be opened, and that all eligible young men and women be invited.
As he and his staff were standing near a brand new Jet Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff stuck out his hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first young man and asked, “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?”
The young man looks at him and says, “I’m a pilot!”
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!”
The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?”
The young man says, “I chop wood!”
“Son,” the general replies, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?”
“I chop wood!”
“Young man,” huffs the general, “you are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers; this is the 21st century!”
“Well,” the young man says, “you hired my brother!”
“Of course we did,” says the general, “he’s a pilot!”
The young man rolls his eyes and says, “So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!”
I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed posting these funnies ! Keep Smiling !
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Two Equations.
There has been a lot of controversy about gay rights activism in India.There have been exchanges of views between the two lobbies- for and against. It has been opined that a same sex marriage performed in accordance with the rites prescribed by the Hindu Marriage Act could “arguably be considered legally valid,” as neither the act nor the Hindu religion explicitly defines marriage in terms of gender.Even so, Indian views on this issue remain widely very conservative, and the subject is generally considered to be a taboo. Sometime ago,during a visit to India by the Canadian Prime Minster,the Indian Prime Minister was reportedly asked by a journalist what he thought of the new law allowing gay marriages in Canada. His reply was that “there would not be much appreciation for a law like that in India,” and he went on to talk about how they were culturally very different societies.The supreme Sikh religious body, the Akal Takht, has issued an edict condemning gay marriages and has told Sikhs living in Canada not to support or allow gay marriages in gurudwaras.If I recall correctly,sometime in 2005, two unnamed women in Hyderabad had asked the Darul Qaza, an Islamic court, for a fatwa allowing them to marry, but permission was denied with a rebuke from the chief Qazi.Further,as per my knowledge,none of the Christian associations in India have supported same-sex marriages.
Having seen the serious side of the matter,I now present a slightly lighter side through a poem written by a poet named Hiabu Hassebu. I happened to read it on some other forum sometime ago and I liked it so I am sharing it with you.
Two Equations
by Hiabu Hassebu
with a louder noise raised their voice,
to get wedded as couples.
to get married legally, that’s what they care.
The poet was forced to give his opinion,
in a mathematical equation.
As one + one = two,
gay + gay = two gays,
two identity without fertility.
As one + zero is always one,
a natural equation.
Made, between man and a woman,
of a union to be born one.

2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me.He just used bigger parts.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones.Then they mostly use string, I think.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?
Does he get drunk on beer?
drugs and YES to chores?
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it
was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Mother’s Prayer |
Dear Lord, it’s such a hectic day,
Building dreams with building blocks. Cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes, And other stuff that children lose. Wiping tears and giving hugs. A stack of last week’s mail to read, So where’s the quiet time I need? Just at the sink or ironing board, To ask the blessings of your grace, I see then in my small one’s face, As I stop to kiss that precious smile. |
A Mother’s Love
This world has jewels, money, land
position, power, and mansions grand
But a mother’s love more precious far,
than all these other treasures are.
A mother nurtures, guides, protects
Her teachings each child’s life affects,
and when in later years they go,
away from home, and friends they know
Those teachings will provide the stay,
to keep them on the good straight way.
Though some may stray to taste the fruits,
of worldly pleasures — still the roots
of Mother’s teachings, love, and care
will some day draw them back to where,
the Savior’s love can them enfold,
and fill them with a spirit bold.
So children, each and every day,
honor your mother in some way –
To show that you appreciate,
she taught you how to love, not hate.
To comfort you, to guide, to lead,
to be there in your time of need.
But best of all, — to show the way,
that leads to home with God some day.
…
Brenda Ascott Fry
Her teachings each child’s life affects,
and when in later years they go,
away from home, and friends they know
Those teachings will provide the stay,
to keep them on the good straight way.
of worldly pleasures — still the roots
of Mother’s teachings, love, and care
will some day draw them back to where,
the Savior’s love can them enfold,
and fill them with a spirit bold.
honor your mother in some way –
To show that you appreciate,
she taught you how to love, not hate.
To comfort you, to guide, to lead,
to be there in your time of need.
that leads to home with God some day.
God made the world with its towering trees,
majestic mountains and restless seas,
then paused and said, “It needs one more thing.”
Someone to laugh and dance and sing,
to walk in the woods and gather flowers,
to commune with nature in quiet hours.
So God made little girls
with laughing eyes and bouncing curls,
with joyful hearts, and beautiful smiles,
enchanting ways and feminine wiles.
And when He’d completed the task He’d begun,
he was pleased and proud of the job He’d done.
For the world when seen through a little girl’s eyes
greatly resembles paradise.
…Author Unknown
Daddy’s Day !
Her hair up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow
Today was Daddy’s Day at school, and she couldn’t wait to go
But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone
But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say
What to tell her classmates, on this Daddy’s Day
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home
But the little girl went to school, eager to tell then all
About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats
One by one the teacher called, a student from the class
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare
Each of them were searching, for a man who wasn’t there
“Where’s her daddy at?” she heard a boy call out
“She probably doesn’t have one,” another student dared to shout
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say
“Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day.”
The words did not offend her, as she smiled at her friends
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to begin
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique
“My Daddy couldn’t be here, because he lives so far away
But I know he wishes he could be with me on this day
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know
All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so
He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite
We used to share fudge sundaes and ice cream in a cone
And though you cannot see him, I’m not standing all alone
‘Cause my daddy’s always with me, even though we are apart
I know because he told me, he’ll forever be here in my heart.”
With that her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years
For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud
“I love my daddy very much, he’s my shining star,
And if he could he’d be here, but heaven’s just too far,
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it’s like he never went away.”
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day
And to her mother’s amazement, she witnessed with surprise
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
“I know you’re with me Daddy,” to the silence she called out
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed
But there placed on her desktop, was a beautiful fragrant pink rose
And a child was blessed, if only a moment, by the love of her shining bright star
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.
…Cheryl Costello-Forshey
What do you say,my dear readers ?
Press Trust Of India,London, March 11, 2010 (HT)
If you are among those who desperately need a midmorning coffee break, then go for it at 11 a.m., as scientists claim a formula they have devised proves that ‘elevenses’ is the best time to drink your brew.
The experts developed the formula (M = 0.5 x F + (0.5 x E + 0.3 x P + 0.15 x C + 0.05 x T) by combining various factors such as great flavour (F) with the perfect environment (E), the container it comes in (P), who you drink coffee with (C) and the time of day you enjoy your coffee break (T) to create the most enjoyable coffee moment (M).
After applying this formula, the scientists found 11 am is the best time to have a coffee bream, in a well-lit room with friends and nice music in the background, the Daily Mail reported.
Prof Charles Spence, from the Department of Experimental Psychology at Oxford University, who led the research, said: “The formula describes how to create the perfect coffee moment at home or at work. We have known for some time that our taste buds are a vital part of the taste experience. “However, we can now pinpoint the exact sensory conditions required to enjoy coffee, or any other food and drink.”
Music Director – Madan Mohan
Lyricist – Rajendra Krishan
Singer – Geeta Dutt
Ae Dil Mujhe Bata De, Tu Kis Pe Aa Gaya Hai
Woh Kaun Hai Jo Aakar, Khwaabon Pe Chhaa Gaya Hai….(2)
Aankhon Mein Neend Aakar Kyon Door Jaa Rahi Hai….(2)
Woh Kaun Hai Jo Aakar, Khwaabon Pe Chhaa Gaya Hai
Shaayad Yeh Raat Beete Karwat Badal Badal Ke….(2)
Ae Dil Zara Sambhal Jaa, Shaayad Woh Aa Gaya Hai
Woh Kaun Hai Jo Aakar, Khwaabon Pe Chhaa Gaya Hai
Kya Chaand Kya Sitaare, Har Cheez Hai Sharaabi…(2)
Dheere Se Ek Naghma Koi Suna Gaya Hai
Woh Kaun Hai Jo Aakar, Khwaabon Pe Chhaa Gaya Hai
Woh Kaun Hai Jo Aakar, Khwaabon Pe Chhaa Gaya Hai
Ae Dil Mujhe Bata De…….





























Kind words