Archive for » December, 2009 «
Here are my comments on 2 issues of BT
Women on TOP
This refers to your issue dated 29th Nov 09 on “The 30 most powerful women in Indian Business.” Congratulations on your excellent coverage! This refers to BT issue dated 13.12.2009 on “India’s Best Banks”. Overall, it was a well packed collector’s special issue and was simply ‘un-put-downable’. I have tried to rate the TOP 4 articles of the issue here below:
It goes to show that Indian women are no more mere show-pieces to adorn the drawing rooms of their homes. Over the last decade or so, they have carved a distinct niche for themselves in this so called ‘male-dominated‘world. They are rightly harvesting the benefits of globalization and have made themselves very visible in the media in the domestic as well as in the international arena. They have proved their expertise, entrepreneurial skills and their multi-tasking skills and are very rightly, basking in the glory of their being listed in your coveted list of powerful icons.
It must have been a very tough choice to list your thirty power plus engines! Thank God, you did not rank them, since I believe that they all are Number One in their respective fields.
Some names seem to have missed your power list for example- Priya Paul, Ritu Kumar, Sulajja Firodia Motwani, Akhila Srinivasan, Ekta Kapoor,Shahnaz Hussain, Simone Tata, Tarjani Vakil, etc .
The brief Q&A sessions with some of them were also quite interesting, though you could have come out with some really interesting facts about these gorgeous ladies- for example, Naina Lal Kidwai, was reportedly the first Indian woman to graduate from Harvard Business School, or that Kiran M Shaw has studied brewing and is a qualified brewer from an Australian university. Heady, isn’t it ?
Further,the add-ons like the young and the restless inheritors and Kokilaben the-mother-of-all-Ambanis-controversy with brief glimpses of her two bahus Tina and Nita, also added value to your issue.
As a visiting/guest faculty member in a premier MBA institute, I have strongly recommended reading of this issue to my students-most of whom are girls,so that they can learn some useful lessons from the lives of these gritty women.
A Five Star (*****) Rated Issue, I can say. Kudos!
J S BROCA
New Delhi.
No.1: India’s Best Banks –Study, for its incisive insight into three categories of Banks-Top Guns, Mid Size and Small Wonders, along with its cautionary note that though the Indian Banking System has weathered the global slowdown storm, it is not yet out of the woods. An excellent job!
No.2: BT Event ‘Power Rangers’-with its galaxy of powerful women with their voices and eminently quotable quotes. Arun Purie paid the best complement to the women brigade through his quip that “If Lehman Brothers had been Lehman Sisters, then the markets would have grown rather than crashed.“A good show!
No.3: Indira Nooyi’s inspiring speech of 13th November 2009.What I liked most was her statement that ‘only with the partnership with men, women can bring about the reforms’. “Behind every successful woman, stands a man”, is her new quote on role reversal perhaps ! An enlightening speech!
No.4: HBR’s interesting case study-“Why you didn’t get the promotion”, giving some valuable tips to those who missed the corporate ladder’s bus, as well as busting some myths. Well done!
In short, a big Thank You for a “paisa vasool” issue!
J S BROCA
New Delhi
I told the chicken to please wait until I finish the story. As it was quite tired of running around and crossing roads with me running after it to know why it was doing so,it felt happy to find some time for a well deserved rest !
Long long ago,in my childhood I had heard a story from my Dad.It was in Punjabi and was told in a hilarious coloquial Punjabi way,during a family get-to-gether probably in some marriage function when marriages were celebrated for full 4-5 days with the extended families present en masse and evenings were devoted to singing,dancing and story-telling etc.
I am translating it from memory but the fun will be lost to some extent,since the original Punjabi flavour ( we call it “tadka” ) will be missing ! I hope you will relish it !
The story goes like this :
In a small farmhouse somewhere in Punjab ( consider any town—Ludhiana,Phagwara,Jallandhar,Amritsar etc) there lived a farmer called Banta.He lived alone with his wife Banti, whom he loved very much.They had a chicken, whom they both also loved very much.By the way, Punjabis call a male chicken as “Kukkad” and a female one as “Kukkadi”!
“I love this chicken,” said Banta to Banti one day.
“Yes, I love her too,” said Banti.”She’s a nice chicken.”
“I’m going to write a poem on her”, said Banta.
“I’m not sure people would love poems on chickens,” Banti said, but his mind was already made up. Banta slogged on his poem for about two hours, since he had never tried writing a poem ever before.He didn’t know how bad his poem was. It went somewhat like this :
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You’re a great ”kukkadi” (chicken) ,
Cock-a-doodle-doo. ( ” Kukkkadoo-kkaaddd-oooon ” )
Banta thought it was damn good,and he wrote it out in his best handwriting on a piece of paper and brought it to the kukkadi early the next morning, and set it down in front of her so she could read it.
The poor kukkadi looked at the poem with one eye, then the other. Then she hopped on the paper and scratched it with her talons, until it was nothing but shreds. Poor Banta frowned and walked away silently.He felt downhearted, but he was a person who never gave up easily.
Banta again said to his wife, “I love this kukkadi.”
“Yes, I love her too,” said Banti. “She’s a nice chicken.”
“By God, I’m going to write a poem for her” said Banta.
“But you did that already, and the blessed chicken scratched it all up” said Banti.
“That means my poem wasn’t good enough. I’ll write a better one this time” said Banta.
“I am still not sure people should write love poems for chickens,” she warned, but Banta’s mind was already made up.
He worked on his new poem for four hours. He had only written one poem before, so he didn’t know how stupid this one was. It went something like this :
Dearest kukkaddi,my lovely bird,
Love is not too strong a word
For the way I feel for you,
And hope you feel it for me too.
I love you more than I can say,
And even more each passing day.
Banta wrote it out neatly as before,brought it to the chicken the next morning and set it down before her,anxiously waiting for some signs of approval.
The chicken stared at the poem for a second. Then she pecked at it and pecked again and again, poking holes in the paper until every word was obliterated. Banta grimaced and walked away, choking back a sob.But Banta did not admit defeat so readily.
He said to his wife once again, “I love this chicken.”
“Yes, I love her too,” said Banti. “She’s a nice kukkaddi.
“I am going to write a love poem for her”,said Banta.
“But you did that twice already, and she tore ‘em both up” said Banti.
“That just means the two earlier poems weren’t good enough. I’ll write a better poem this time.”
“I’m pretty sure people shouldn’t write love poems for chickens,”Banti scolded, but Banta’s mind was already made up.
Mr.Banta worked hard on this third poem for three full days. He had only written two poems before, so he didn’t know how good this third one was.
It was, as a matter of fact, the greatest love poem ever written by anyone in the whole history of poetry in Punjab. It went something like this:
As grains in the cornfield, for thee have I shucked,
Words of love do I offer, you of praise and renown,
Winged yet earthbound, as seraphs cast down,
To thee have I whispered, to me hast thou clucked.
Pulchritudinous poultry, from beak to thy legs,
To gaze at thy galliform soul is to sing
Of the unbested arm and the untested wing;
I toast thy fowl beauty as I toast thy fresh eggs.
Say not love is folly ‘twixt chickens and men;
For hath not my heart forged a bond with thy breast?
Yea, a thick bond, which thickens, like mud in a nest,
And quickens my pulse for thou pullet, thou hen.
O kukkaddi, surpassing the swallow or dove,
As thou swallow my corn, spurn not my love.
Banta finished writing it just as the sun came up on the fifth day. He brought it to the chicken, and bowed low as he placed the parchment before her.
The chicken looked at the poem for almost a minute. Then she clucked musically, and the Banta’s heart filled with joy.
Then she turned around, and pooped right onto the sonnet. She defecated again, and again, until every word was smothered in chicken droppings. Mr.Banta stumbled back to the house.He could barely see, for there were tears in his eyes.
That night,Banta said to his wife, “I love this chicken.”
“Mmm, so do I,”agreed Banti. “May I have the other legpiece please?”
We all had laughed heartily at this sudden end of the story !!
Ending the story, my Dad had said : Is there a moral ? Yes.there is a moral.Yesterday, I caught my son and daughter mistreating their books, throwing them against the wall and at each other.So I took away their books for a day as punishment. I usually read a storybook to them every night at bedtime, but last night I couldn’t, so I made up this kukkadi’s story to tell them instead.
The moral I intended to pass on to them was, when someone who loves you gives you something, you should treat it with respect, lest you hurt the feelings of your loved ones.
I am not sure whether the moral penetrated into their chicken heads or not ! Unfortunately,my children liked the story so much, they don’t want their books back yet.
“What am I to do now”,exclaimed my Dad !
Dear Readers,can you help me out,please …..!!
The curious chicken who had waited in the wings to listen to this strange poetical story of someone from her family tree,clucked with delight but it was hoping that its fate not would not be the same as the one which landed on the dining table of Mr Banta and Mrs.Banti.So,it started running again and tried crossing another road with me pursuing her like a man possessed. What happened next ? Wait for the next part please ! Cluck ! Cluck! Cluck !

If the smile of a child can still warm your heart,
If you can see the good in other people,
If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep,
If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder,
If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips,
If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism,
If you give people the benefit of a doubt,
If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life,
If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise,
If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration,
If you refuse to let a friendship die,
If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection,
If you still buy the ornaments,
If you can look to the past and smile,
If, when faced with the bad,
Hope is such a marvelous thing.
Hope puts a smile on our face
Hope puts our feet on the path
Hope moves us to act
Hope is a wonderful thing,
PLATO:
ARISTOTLE:
KARL MARX:
A LEADING WORLD FAMOUS CONSULTANT:
LATE SADDAM HUSSEIN:
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
MOSES :
RICHARD M. NIXON:
MACHIAVELLI:
JERRY SEINFELD:
FREUD:
BILL GATES:
OLIVER STONE:
DARWIN:
EINSTEIN:
BUDDHA: Asking the question denies your own chicken nature.( Frankly speaking, I could not understand what the great sage is implying.Care to guide me,please,someone ?)
RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. ( Quite an authoritarian view, I believe !)

Lessons that Hindi Movies teach….
Dear Readers,
First it was Amir Khan’s “Taarey Zameen Par” which dealt with the disease called “Dyslexia” and soon people became aware of this disease and its implications etc.
Now,it is AB’s and Abby Baby’s ” Paa” that focuses on a disease named ” Progeria” and everyone seems to be learning about the specifics of this peculiar disease now.
Yes, certainly our Hindi films are educating our masses.
I feel some one should now come out with a movie titled say “Three Swine” (Like “3 Idiots” ) or “H1N1-enza” to drive home the point about dealing with swine flu.
Another film maker should register a title called say ” Chick-Mug-Lure ” to advocate the danger of Chicken Flu or Bird Flu.
That day is not far off when Hindi film makers may come out with a film titled say ” 21st Century Girl ” discussing another familiar disease called :” Gonorrhea ” !
Don’t ask me what it means. Look for the meaning in the Thesaurus!
And we say our Hindi films are not educative!
They certainly teach us about diseases like those discussed above!
J S BROCA- New Delhi

Hidden meanings ! (Fiction)
(In a lighter vein.No malice intended)
It is believed that women are a complex species.
Understanding women, is also an equally complex art as well as a complex science.
I have been compiling a list of some words frequently used by women,but whose real or intended meaning has been eluding me,since quite some time.
Here is a glossary of some words which women very often use and whose hidden meanings,we men, are at a loss to understand.
Please note : The list is only illustrative and not conclusive or exhaustive ! Also, the listing is at random and the numbers don’t indicate rank etc.
In case you would like to add some more words from your own experience,you are welcome !
See and add to the list at your own risk !
1.)”Paanch minnat ” (Five Minutes) : If she says these words, while she is getting dressed, it means at least half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have been given five more minutes to watch a game on TV before you wear the apron and start helping around the house in her chores like washing the dishes etc.
2.) “Achcha“ (Fine ): This is a word women use mostly to end an argument when they know they are right and you need to shut up. Got the hint ?
3.)”Kuchch Nahin” (Nothing) : Be warned.This is only the calm before the storm.It means something, and you should be on your toes and watch the signals. Arguments that mostly begin with “Nothing” usually end with “Fine”.
4.)”Chalo Aagey Badho“ (Go Ahead) : This means she is daring you, not granting you permission. Don’t ever do It!
5.) “ Haaye” (A loud sigh) : When uttered it is actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement which is mostly misunderstood by us men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about “Nothing”. (Refer back to point 3 for the meaning of ‘nothing’.)
6.) “Theek Hai” (That’s Okay) : It is one of the most explosive and dangerous statements a woman makes to a man. ‘That’s okay’ means she wants to think long and hard before she decides and comes to a conclusion as to how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) ”Shukriyaa“(Thanks) : When a woman is thanking you, do not question her thanks or faint at her utterance. Just say “ you’re welcome”(whether you welcome her really or not).
8.) “Jo Bhi Hai” (Whatever) : As per her encyclopedia it is her way of saying ’ to hell with it’ !
9.) ” Chintaa Mat Karo.Maine Karr Liya.” (Don’t worry about it, I got it ) : This is another equally dangerous statement, meaning that this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This later definitely results in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to point 3.Then just r..u..n !
Happy reading and figuring the complexities….!!
New Year Resolutions….
Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Dec 31Funny resolutions for the new year !
A.
The New Year is about to dawn. Here is a list of funny resolutions which you can decide to keep (from an old collection of mine)!
1.From today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my night dress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
2.I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.
3. I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leave. I will think of some more excuses.
4. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
5. I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.
6. I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly….
7. I will try to figure out why I ‘really’ need nine e-mail addresses.
8. I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).
9. I resolve to work with neglected children—my own.
10. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.
11. I will read the laptop’s manual… just as soon as I can find it.
12. I will think of a password other than “password.”
13. I will not tell the same story at every get together.
14.I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they obviously don’t consider mine – if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I’ll tell him he stinks!
15. I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
The list is only illustrative, not exhaustive. Add your own to the list.
B.
For those of you who are scared of making resolutions, here are some resolutions which you may be actually tempted to keep!!
a) Spend more time watching TV / movies.
b) Chat more over phone / Internet.
c) Gain weight. Put on at least 10 kgs.
d) Stop exercising. Waste of time.
e) Start being superstitious.
f) Spend more less time at work.
g) Stop carrying lunch from home. Instead eat out more.
This list is also indicative. Add your own !
H A P P Y N E W Y E A R
