Archive for » December, 2009 «

New Year Resolutions….

Funny resolutions for the new year ! 

A.

The New Year is about to dawn. Here is a list of funny resolutions which you can decide to keep (from an old collection of mine)! 

1.From today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my night dress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

2.I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.     

3. I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leave. I will think of some more excuses.

 4. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.   

5. I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more  water.   

6. I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly….  

7. I will try to figure out why I ‘really’ need nine e-mail addresses.   

8. I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).  

9. I resolve to work with neglected children — my own.   

10. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not  a clock watcher. 

11. I will read the laptop’s manual… just as soon as I can find it.  

12. I will think of a password other than “password.”   

13. I will not tell the same story at every get together. 

 14.I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they obviously don’t consider mine – if that unwashed fellow  sits next to me again, I’ll tell him he stinks!  

15. I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
The list is only illustrative, not exhaustive. Add your own to the list. 

B.

For those of you who are scared of making resolutions, here are some resolutions which you may be actually tempted to keep!!  

a) Spend more time watching TV / movies.

b) Chat more over phone / Internet.

c) Gain weight. Put on at least 10 kgs.

d) Stop exercising. Waste of time.

e) Start being superstitious.

f)  Spend more less time at work.

g) Stop carrying lunch from home. Instead eat out more.  

This list is also indicative. Add your own ! 

H A P P Y   N E W   Y E A R 

Reliance icon….

December 28th  happened  to be Dhirubhai Ambani’s birthday anniversary and papers and TV were full of ads and rememberances.My only comment sent to some newspapers and displayed on Yahoo’s Gujarati page on 28th is as under :
 
There can never be any other better industrial icon than the great Dhirubhai Ambani who defined indian business acumen and showed to the entire world how an ordinary man can rise to pinnacles of glory through sheer hardwork,determination and vision.
 
Alas ! The present infighting between his two heirs over some issues leaves a bad taste in the mouth and speaks of petty designs to malign each other through the long drawn court battle.
 
They must sit together and sort out their differences,if need be, with the guidance of their mother, so that the Reliance name does not get tarnished any more and the brothers can carry forward the grand legacy left by their illustrious father.
 
Let us pray that they come to their senses and mend their ways and remain united !! 
 
J.S.BROCA
New Delhi
        

My comments on 2 issues of BT

Here are my comments on 2 issues of BT

Women on TOP 

 

This refers to your issue dated 29th Nov 09 on “The 30 most powerful women in Indian Business.” Congratulations on your excellent coverage!  This refers to BT issue dated 13.12.2009 on “India’s Best Banks”. Overall, it was a well packed collector’s special issue and was simply ‘un-put-downable’. I have tried to rate the TOP 4 articles of the issue here below:

  

It goes to show that Indian women are no more mere show-pieces to adorn the drawing rooms of their homes. Over the last decade or so, they have carved a distinct niche for themselves in this so called ‘male-dominated‘world. They are rightly harvesting the benefits of globalization and have made themselves very visible in the media in the domestic as well as in the international arena. They have proved their expertise, entrepreneurial skills and their multi-tasking  skills and are very rightly, basking in the glory of their being listed in your coveted list of powerful icons. 

 

It must have been a very tough choice to list your thirty power plus engines! Thank God, you did not rank them, since I believe that they all are Number One in their respective fields.

 

Some names seem to have missed your power list for example- Priya Paul, Ritu Kumar, Sulajja Firodia Motwani, Akhila Srinivasan, Ekta Kapoor,Shahnaz Hussain, Simone Tata, Tarjani Vakil, etc .

 

The brief Q&A sessions with some of them were also quite interesting, though you could have come out with some really interesting facts about these gorgeous ladies- for example, Naina Lal Kidwai, was reportedly the first Indian woman to graduate from Harvard Business School, or  that Kiran M Shaw has studied brewing and is a qualified brewer from an Australian university. Heady, isn’t it ?

 

Further,the add-ons like the young and the restless inheritors and Kokilaben the-mother-of-all-Ambanis-controversy with brief glimpses of her two bahus Tina and Nita, also added value to your issue.

 

As a visiting/guest faculty member in a premier MBA institute, I have strongly recommended reading of this issue to my students-most of whom are girls,so that they can learn some useful lessons from the lives of these gritty women.

  

A  Five Star (*****) Rated Issue, I can say. Kudos!

 

J S BROCA

New Delhi.   

 

 

No.1: India’s Best Banks –Study, for its incisive insight into three categories of Banks-Top Guns, Mid Size and Small Wonders, along with its cautionary note that though the Indian Banking System has weathered the global slowdown storm, it is not yet out of the woods. An excellent job!

 

No.2: BT Event ‘Power Rangers’-with its galaxy of powerful women with their voices and eminently quotable quotes. Arun Purie paid the best complement to the women brigade through his quip that “If Lehman Brothers had been Lehman Sisters, then the markets would have grown rather than crashed.“A good show!

 

No.3: Indira Nooyi’s inspiring speech of 13th November 2009.What I liked most was her statement that ‘only with the partnership with men, women can bring about the reforms’. “Behind every successful woman, stands a man”, is her new quote on role reversal perhaps ! An enlightening speech!

 

No.4: HBR’s interesting case study-“Why you didn’t get the promotion”, giving some valuable tips to those who missed the corporate ladder’s bus, as well as busting some myths. Well done!

 

In short, a big Thank You for a “paisa vasool” issue!

 

J S BROCA

New Delhi

The Case The Curious Chicken-Part IV

The Case The Curious Chicken-Part IV

I have penned three parts of this curious story and I feel it is now time to introduce some poetry into this tale so that my friends out there,continue to feel as curious as my curious chicken and maintain their interest in the twist in the tail or tale !
 
I told the chicken to please wait until I finish the story. As it was quite tired of running around and crossing roads with me running after it to know why it was doing so,it felt happy to find some time for a well deserved rest !
 
Long long ago,in my childhood I had heard a story from my Dad.It was in Punjabi and was told in a hilarious coloquial Punjabi way,during a family get-to-gether probably in some marriage function when marriages were celebrated for full 4-5 days with the extended families present en masse and evenings were devoted to singing,dancing and story-telling etc.
 
I am translating it from memory but the fun will be lost to some extent,since the original Punjabi flavour ( we call it “tadka” ) will be missing ! I hope you will relish it !
 
The story goes like this :
 
In a small farmhouse somewhere in Punjab ( consider any town–Ludhiana,Phagwara,Jallandhar,Amritsar etc) there lived a farmer called Banta.He lived alone with his wife Banti, whom he loved very much.They had a chicken, whom they both also loved very much.By the way, Punjabis call a male chicken as “Kukkad” and a female one as “Kukkadi”!

“I love this chicken,” said Banta to Banti one day.
“Yes, I love her too,” said Banti.”She’s a nice chicken.”
“I’m going to write a poem on her”, said Banta.
“I’m not sure people would love poems on chickens,” Banti said, but his mind was already made up. Banta slogged on his poem for about two hours, since he had never tried writing a poem ever before.He didn’t know how bad his poem was. It went somewhat like this :

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You’re a great “kukkadi” (chicken) ,
Cock-a-doodle-doo. ( ” Kukkkadoo-kkaaddd-oooon ” )

Banta thought it was damn good,and he wrote it out in his best handwriting on a piece of paper and brought it to the kukkadi early the next morning, and set it down in front of her so she could read it.

The poor kukkadi looked at the poem with one eye, then the other. Then she hopped on the paper and scratched it with her talons, until it was nothing but shreds. Poor Banta frowned and walked away silently.He felt downhearted, but he was a person who never gave up easily.
 
Banta again said to his wife, “I love this kukkadi.”
“Yes, I love her too,” said Banti. “She’s a nice chicken.”
“By God, I’m going to write a poem for her” said Banta.
“But you did that already, and the blessed chicken scratched it all up” said Banti.
“That means my poem wasn’t good enough. I’ll write a better one this time” said Banta.
“I am still not sure people should write love poems for chickens,” she warned, but Banta’s mind was already made up.
 
He worked on his new poem for four hours. He had only written one poem before, so he didn’t know how stupid this one was. It went something like this :

Dearest kukkaddi,my lovely bird,
Love is not too strong a word
For the way I feel for you,
And hope you feel it for me too.
I love you more than I can say,
And even more each passing day.

Banta wrote it out neatly as before,brought it to the chicken the next morning and set it down before her,anxiously waiting for some signs of approval.

The chicken stared at the poem for a second. Then she pecked at it and pecked again and again, poking holes in the paper until every word was obliterated. Banta grimaced and walked away, choking back a sob.But Banta did not admit defeat so readily.
 
He said to his wife once again, “I love this chicken.”
“Yes, I love her too,” said Banti. “She’s a nice kukkaddi.
“I am going to write a love poem for her”,said Banta.
“But you did that twice already, and she tore ’em both up” said Banti.
“That just means the two earlier poems  weren’t good enough. I’ll write a better poem this time.”
“I’m pretty sure people shouldn’t write love poems for chickens,”Banti scolded, but Banta’s mind was already made up.

Mr.Banta worked hard on this third poem for three full days. He had only written two poems before, so he didn’t know how good this third one was.
 
It was, as a matter of fact, the greatest love poem ever written by anyone in the whole history of poetry in Punjab. It went something like this:

As grains in the cornfield, for thee have I shucked,
Words of love do I offer, you of praise and renown,
Winged yet earthbound, as seraphs cast down,
To thee have I whispered, to me hast thou clucked.
Pulchritudinous poultry, from beak to thy legs,
To gaze at thy galliform soul is to sing
Of the unbested arm and the untested wing;
I toast thy fowl beauty as I toast thy fresh eggs.
Say not love is folly ‘twixt chickens and men;
For hath not my heart forged a bond with thy breast?
Yea, a thick bond, which thickens, like mud in a nest,
And quickens my pulse for thou pullet, thou hen.
O kukkaddi, surpassing the swallow or dove,
As thou swallow my corn, spurn not my love.

Banta finished writing it just as the sun came up on the fifth day. He brought it to the chicken, and bowed low as he placed the parchment before her.

The chicken looked at the poem for almost a minute. Then she clucked musically, and the Banta’s heart filled with joy.

Then she turned around, and pooped right onto the sonnet. She defecated again, and again, until every word was smothered in chicken droppings. Mr.Banta stumbled back to the house.He could barely see, for there were tears in his eyes.

That night,Banta said to his wife, “I love this chicken.”
“Mmm, so do I,”agreed Banti. “May I have the other legpiece please?”
 
We all had laughed heartily at this sudden end of the story !! 
 
Ending the story, my Dad had said : Is there a moral ? Yes.there is a moral.Yesterday, I caught my son and daughter mistreating their books, throwing them against the wall and at each other.So I took away their books for a day as punishment. I usually read a storybook to them every night at bedtime, but last night I couldn’t, so I made up this kukkadi’s story to tell them instead.
 
The moral I intended to pass on to them was, when someone who loves you gives you something, you should treat it with respect, lest you hurt the feelings of your loved ones.
 
I am not sure whether the moral penetrated into their chicken heads or not ! Unfortunately,my children liked the story so much, they don’t want their books back yet.
 
“What am I to do now”,exclaimed my Dad !
 
Dear Readers,can you help me out,please …..!!
 
The curious chicken who had waited in the wings to listen to this strange poetical story of someone from her family tree,clucked with delight but it was hoping that its fate not would not be the same as the one which landed on the dining table of Mr Banta and Mrs.Banti.So,it started running again and tried crossing another road with me pursuing her like a man possessed. What happened next ? Wait for the next part please ! Cluck ! Cluck! Cluck !
 

                  

you still have hope….

My Dear Friends,
  
 
As we celebrate the Holiday Season and New Year to come, I want to share something special with you, a message of hope,which I received from someone very close !
  
It’s been said that hope is one of the greatest gifts you can give to another person, especially when they need a little more. 
  
May this message of hope warm your heart and bring a smile on your face, the whole season through.
  
Conspire to inspire with hope!
  
 
YOU STILL HAVE HOPE
 
(Author Unknown)
 
If you can look at the sunset and smile,
then you still have hope.
  
If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower,
then you still have hope.
  
If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly,
then you still have hope.

If the smile of a child can still warm your heart,
then you still have hope.

If you can see the good in other people,
then you still have hope.

If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep,
then you still have hope.

If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder,
then you still have hope.

If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips,
then you still have hope.

If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism,
then you still have hope.

If you give people the benefit of a doubt,
then you still have hope.

If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life,
then you still have hope.

If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise,
then you still have hope.

If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration,
then you still have hope.

If you refuse to let a friendship die,
or accept that it must end,
then you still have hope.

If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection,
then you still have hope.

If you still buy the ornaments,
put up the Christmas tree or cook the supper,
then you still have hope.

If you can look to the past and smile,
then you still have hope.

If, when faced with the bad,
when told everything is futile,
you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase… “yeah…BUT.,”
then you still have hope.

Hope is such a marvelous thing.
It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides,
but rarely does it break.
It sustains us when nothing else can.
It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead,
when we tell ourselves we’d rather give in.

Hope puts a smile on our face
when the heart cannot manage.

Hope puts our feet on the path
when our eyes cannot see it.

Hope moves us to act
when our souls are confused of the direction.

Hope is a wonderful thing,
something to be cherished and nurtured,
and something that will refresh us in return.
And it can be found in each of us,
and it can bring light into the darkest of places.
 
NEVER LOSE HOPE!
 

Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday Season and the Best New Year 2010!
 
 
 

I am not alone……

I am not alone….
  
A few of my friends,readers and well wishers have politely hinted me to get off from my chicken-hobby-horse and do some more useful work than just serving old chicken dishes with some garnishing here and there.I feel sorry for them all.
  
I wish to bring to their knowledge,that this world is full of chicken aficionados like me and I am certainly not alone to be afflicted with this chicken syndrome !
 
I came across a delightfully funny poem by one like-minded (?) poet named Kenn Nesbitt.(Welcome pal ! Join my bandwagon ! )
 
Here it is :
 
Chicken on the internet !!
My chicken’s on the internet,
She surfs the web all day
I have tried to stop her browsing,
But so far there’s no way.
She jumps up on the mouse,
And then she flaps like mad,
To click on every hyper-link
And every pop up ad.
She plays all sorts of chicken games
She messages all her folks,
She watches chicken videos,
And forwards chicken jokes.
She writes a blog for chickens
And she uploads chicken pics,
She visits chicken chat rooms
Where she clucks about her chicks.
I wouldn’t mind so much,
Except my key board is now a wreck,
She hasn’t learnt to type yet,
She can only hunt and peck.
 
You may like it or not,I am going to continue with my postings on a variety of chicken subjects till I myself get converted into an extraa-large sized “chicken pompadour” ( I don’t know what it means,but it sounds nice juicy and delicious.I read it in one of the menus in one of the hotels here ! ) 
 
Keep pecking !! 
   

The Case Of The Curious Chicken-Part III

The Case Of The Curious Chicken-Part III
 
I continue to be still mesmerised by that silly chicken which crossed that road long ago,leaving me and all others perplexed about its real purpose and intention.The number of responses to my Chicken Saga-Part I and Part-II posted earlier,show that the fever seems to have gripped quite a few persons.
  
I had last left at what  Ernest Hemingway had said …… I will now take you along with me to another trip in search of the answer to that immortal (?) question :” Why did the chicken cross the road ?”
  
Here we go :
 
George Bush : We are not at all bothered as to why the chicken did as it did and we don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if it crossed on our side or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here. I hope that is clear ! ( Well said,Mr President !)
  
Al Gore(Albert Arnold “Al” Gore, Jr. served as the 45th Vice President of the United States from 1993 to 2001 under President Bill Clinton. He is currently an author, businessperson, and American environmental activist) : I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of our Government in a new, reinvented way, designed to bring greater services to the American people. ( Great invention on that side of the universe,I believe.)
 
 
Dr. Suess: (An American writer and cartoonist most widely known for his children’s books.) :Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road! But why it crossed,I have not been told! (Alas ! The mystery continues to fox this writer too ! Yes,we aren’t alone to be out-foxed by that chicken !) 
Martin Luther King Jr.:Listen ye all:I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.( Yes,its a free world. Here in India,we have several politician friends crossing the floors as and when they feel like.So, whats so significant in the chicken’s road-crossing ?)
  
My Grandpa: (while having his dinner) In my day, we did not ask why the chicken crossed the road. If someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, that was good enough for us. (Sonny, will you pass me that leg-piece ! It seems very delicious even to my false teeth !) (Can you chew that?)
  
Barbara Walters: ( An American journalist, writer, and media personality who has hosted morning television shows)  Isn’t that very interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time on this channel , the heart- warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting,(which as you probably know, is to shed periodically part or all of a coat or an outer covering, such as feathers, cuticle, or skin, which is then replaced by a new growth) and went to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road. Here it is : Live !!  ( cluck,cluck,…sorry clap,….clap….!) 
 
The Pope:That is only for God to know.Let us pray and thank the Lord that the chicken crossed the road safely and is alive !  
 
My younger sister’s son’s answer:Uncle,it was probably looking for its babies. It’s so simple.What would a mama chicken do without her little chicks? If a little chick got hit by a car, or got lost on the other side, I think that it would break our heart.So don’t break my heart !
 
My epic journey continues….
 
Wait for the next chapter.Cock-a-doodle-doo ! My dame has lost her shoe !

    
 
   
 
 
 

THE CASE OF THE CURIOUS CHICKEN -PART II

THE CASE OF THE CURIOUS CHICKEN -PART II
 
Continuing where I left in my earlier posting (Part-I) , I now try to list some more answers to the famous question :”Why did the chicken cross the road? .
 
This,as you by now know, is a very common question,but each one of us has,or will have a different answer ( See the responses to the earlier part).
  
Today I will try to list out some “fictitious” responses of some common people and some famous people (some from an old school diary of mine) . Sample these responses! ( comments in brackets are my current observations.):
 
A SCHOOL TEACHER:
To get to the other side, of course. ( a very obvious,logical and an acceptable answer)

PLATO:
For the greater good, of mankind.( I wonder what good would it serve ! Can someone enlighten me ?)

ARISTOTLE:
It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.So they will always cross when ever they see a road.Simple ! (Quite logical !)

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability. ( Does it mean that history keeps repeating it self and that chickens have been crossing the roads in all periods of history ? I wonder !)

A LEADING WORLD FAMOUS CONSULTANT:
Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. We, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking it’s physical distribution strategy and implementation process.Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), we helped the chicken use it’s skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of it’s overall strategy within a Program Management framework.We convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with our other  consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution paradigm.(They say that an expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.This long wound technical note can be a topic for a PhD ! )

LATE SADDAM HUSSEIN:

It was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on the chicken to prevent several other chickens following the leader ! ( Where was PETA then I wonder ?)

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. ( A good philosophy I believe !)

MOSES :

Moses walked to the crowd of bystanders and addressed them thus : “And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, …and there was much rejoicing.” ( This means that crossings were ordained by divine forces ? )

RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken DID NOT CROSS THE ROAD ! ( I shall speak only the truth nothing but the truth and nothing but the whole truth ! ??)

MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.(The end justifies the means or what ? A good theory ! )

JERRY SEINFELD:

Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was the chicken doing wandering around all over the place anyway?”( All species like to be enterprising,I feel !)

FREUD:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road,reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.(Ha! Ha! Quite a revelation,no ? )

BILL GATES:

I have just released the new Chicken Office 2010 (with integrated Internet Seed Explorer), which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.( Lets call it Chicken Coop Windows 10 !)

OLIVER STONE:

The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?” ( A very intelligent observation ! )

DARWIN:

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are genetically disposed to cross roads.(Darwin was an authority on origin of species,so I take his word !)

EINSTEIN:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.( Well said.Theory of relativity,you know !)

BUDDHA: Asking the question denies your own chicken nature.( Frankly speaking, I could not understand what the great sage is implying.Care to guide me,please,someone ?)

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:

The chicken did not cross the road…it transcended it. ( Emerson’s quotes are quite meditative !)  

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. ( Quite an authoritarian view, I believe !)  

 
By the way,there are many books published by many writers on this common topic with many such funny and uncommon answers ! I am trying to find out one by an Indian writer. I wonder,if Khushwant Singh ever wrote one or tried to write one, since he is quite well known for his fascination with chicks of various shapes ans sizes ! Ha !!
 
More in my next chapter ! Till then taste this heady con-cock-tion ! Cheers ! Cock-a-doodle-doo !
 
 
 
 
 
 

Just One Point…

Lessons that Hindi Movies teach….

Dear Readers, 

First it was Amir Khan’s “Taarey Zameen Par” which dealt with the disease called “Dyslexia” and soon people became aware of this disease and its implications etc.  

Now,it is AB’s and Abby Baby’s ” Paa” that focuses on a disease named ” Progeria” and everyone seems to be learning about the specifics of this peculiar disease now.  

Yes, certainly our Hindi films are educating our masses. 

I feel some one should now come out with a movie titled say “Three Swine” (Like “3 Idiots” ) or “H1N1-enza” to drive home the point about dealing with swine flu. 

Another film maker should register a title called say ” Chick-Mug-Lure ” to advocate the danger of Chicken Flu or Bird Flu.  

That day is not far off when Hindi film makers may come out with a film titled say ” 21st Century Girl ” discussing another familiar disease called :” Gonorrhea ” !  

Don’t ask me what it means. Look for the meaning in the Thesaurus! 

And we say our Hindi films are not educative!  

They certainly teach us about diseases like those discussed above! 

J S BROCA- New Delhi

      
 
See full size image                             

Hidden meanings

Hidden meanings !  (Fiction)

(In a lighter vein.No malice intended)

It is believed that women are a complex species.
Understanding women, is also an equally complex art as well as a complex science.
I have been compiling a list of some words frequently used by women,but whose real or intended meaning has been eluding me,since quite some time.

Here is a glossary of some words which women very often use and whose hidden meanings,we men, are at a loss to understand.
Please note : The list is only illustrative and not conclusive or exhaustive ! Also, the listing is at random and the numbers don’t indicate rank etc.
In case you would like to add some more words from your own experience,you are welcome !
See and add to the list at your own risk !

1.)”Paanch minnat ” (Five Minutes) : If she says these words, while she is getting dressed, it  means at least half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have been given five more minutes to watch a game on TV before you wear the apron and start helping around the house in her chores like washing the dishes etc.

2.) “Achcha“ (Fine ): This is a word women use mostly to end an argument when they know they are right and you need to shut up. Got the hint ?

3.)”Kuchch Nahin” (Nothing) : Be warned.This is only the calm before the storm.It means something, and you should be on your toes and watch the signals. Arguments that mostly begin with “Nothing” usually end with “Fine”.

4.)”Chalo Aagey Badho“ (Go Ahead) : This means she is daring you, not granting you permission. Don’t ever do It!

5.) “ Haaye” (A loud sigh) : When uttered it is actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement which is mostly misunderstood by us men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about “Nothing”. (Refer back to point 3 for the meaning of ‘nothing’.)

6.) “Theek Hai” (That’s Okay) : It is one of the most explosive and dangerous statements a woman makes to a man. ‘That’s okay’ means she wants to think long and hard before she decides and comes to a conclusion as to how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) ”Shukriyaa“(Thanks) : When a woman is thanking you, do not question her thanks or faint at her utterance. Just say “ you’re welcome”(whether you welcome her really or not).

8.) “Jo Bhi Hai” (Whatever) : As per her encyclopedia it is her way of saying ’ to hell with it’ !

9.) ” Chintaa Mat Karo.Maine Karr Liya.” (Don’t worry about it, I got it ) : This is another equally dangerous statement, meaning that this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This later definitely results in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to point 3.Then just r..u..n !

Happy reading and figuring the complexities….!!