Archive for » March, 2009 «

ANNUAL CLOSING !!

ANNUAL CLOSING !

SCENE- I :

DOWN HERE :

Mr B the Branch Manager of Bank A,

Is busy with closing work today,

For today being March 31st, is the last day

To balance all the books

By hook or by crook !

His targets all achieved,

His heart at peace, a smile on his face.

Suddenly,on the table,falls his head,

The staff realise—-Mr B is DEAD !

The GM of the Bank,Mr C,

In his short condolence speech,

Praises Mr B for all his great deeds

And for what ever he achieved

As per the Bank’s prescribed target

He announces an incentive

From his own meagre budget,

To be paid to the heirs of Mr B !

“May his soul rest in peace” ends he.

SCENE—II :

UP THERE :

Up there goes soul of Mr B,

Dharamraj goes through three

Books of Accounts of Mr B

To decide whether he should be

Here, or shouldn’t he be !

He scans the ledger folio,

And is struck, as if by polio.

Her sadly clicks his tongue

“Ah ! Mr B died so young !”

He asks “Yamaraj”- the bum,

“My dear,what have you done ?

This fellow was still to live for years five.

You’ve brought him so soon,

That’s really not nice !

Please submit you explanation,

Or be ready with your resignation !”

Yamaraj :” Sir, what could I do ?

I had to reach my year end targets too !

You had announced a performance bonus,

So I had to fulfill my onus !”

SCENE III :

DEAR READERS:

Imagine the pandemonium up there,

Decide what was foul or fair,

And do write your own version,

Of the hilarious situation—

And if possible,suggest a solution.!!

—————-

( Note : In case some of the readers don’t know, for us Bankers, March 31st is our Annual Closing Day. Do or Die day !! )

      

Category: Humour  21 Comments

occupational hazards !!

occupational hazards

1.lift operator in a

multi-storeyed building,

goes up and down daily

sitting on a stool !

sedentary job !

does “push-ups” daily

to remain fit !!

2.wholesale sugar merchant,

in habit of checking

and ” tasting ‘” sugar

sample from every bag.

is diagnosed with

“diabates mellitus ” !!

3. telephone operator on job

at a local telephone exchange,

responds to his wife’s urgent

telephone call from

his residence :

” all lines busy.please dial

after some time.” !!

4.fire brigade officer

expert in putting out big fires

in high rise buildings,

-fails to put off a small fire

in his wife’s kitchen !!

5.income tax inspector,

habitually empties pockets

of defaulters.

his wife empties his pockets

every night !!

 

Category: Humour  6 Comments

more ironies…..!!

more ironies !


irony 1 :


orchestra conductor’s


angry wife,


strikes a chord—


runs after him


with his baton !!


irony 2:


a traffic policeman


comes home completely sozzled.


his wife directs him—


first to the toilet,


then to the bedroom !!


irony 3 :


master chef at a hotel


for 20 years,


craves for home made food.


rushes home after a busy weekend.


his wife serves him with


previous week’s leftovers !!


irony 4:


owner of a company,


with a cutting edge technology,


cuts edges by laying off


100 workers


due to slow down !!


irony 5:


my ageing boss,


registers for a


“memory enhancement training programme”


by paying rupees 1000/-.


but forgets to attend it !!


irony 6:


he lays down the


foundation stone for his


factory for manufacturing


scientific instruments,


as per the ‘muhurat’


advised by his ‘pandit’ !!


irony 7:


electrician’s wife,


“short-circuits” his plans


to have a dinner date


with his ‘current’ ‘high voltage’


girlfriend !!


irony 8:


doctor’s wife—


nurses a grudge


against him


for his affair


with a nurse !!


irony 9 :


painter’s wife


paints the town ‘red’


(while he paints)


with the paint shop’s


delivery man !!


(he comes to supply paints )


irony 10:


an absent minded coffin-maker,


asks his wife to


lie down in a coffin under construction,


to check if it would be


comfortable for a


5 feet 5 inches body !!


NOSTALGIA–ZEENAT AMAN

NOSTALGIA—ZEENAT AMAN


A few weeks ago,Small B (Big B’s son) had come on a TV Show ( Farhan Akhtar’s “,,,FRIDAY”) .He had openly confessed that he had had the hots for Zeenat Aman,when he was young and Zeenie Baby was his father’s co-star.


This reminded me about what I had written on 16th March 1980 (29 years ago !) to the Star & Style magazine in response to their then controversy topic number 4 titled as :
“KEEPING RECENT INCIDENTS IN MIND WOULD YOU STILL CALL ZEENAT AMAN “MISS PROFESSIONAL”OR,IS SHE JUST ANOTHER EMOTIONAL FOOL ?”


This is what I had written :


Here is a three act play like summary of Zeenat’s professionalism:


ACT-I :


People sat up and stared at Zeenat as the “dum-maro-dum” girl portraying the “hippie-cult”in ‘HARE RAMA HARE KRISHNA”.She had “it” and she was “in”.Soon learning the ropes,she became a cool and calculative professional ,’making hay while the sun shone’.Dev Anand—her first shining sun,mentor,guide and ‘everything’,was idolized for bringing out the best in her.She wasn’t tired of describing him as Dev Saab this and Dev Saab that,etc.


ACT-II:


Zeenie Baby sought new pastures after Dev’s other movies flopped and she explioted his charismatic association,for being in the news,to the maximum.When Ralhan’s “Hulchul” didn’t even cause a ripple,when “Manoranjan”bombed inspite of her nude scenes and when Danny got better reviewsin ‘Dhund”,she lost her cool but soon captured Raj Kapoor’s “Satyam Shivam Sundram.”Therafter,it was Rajji the great,the this, the that.Zeenat couldn’t act,so she cashed on her anatomical assets and gave a good view of her assets to the viewers.However, Rupa,the character of SSS,was invisible to the discerning cine-goers,for she looked and played the part like sexy Zeenat Aman.In short,a “volcano of talent (?)” proved to be a “cesspool of curves” !!


ACT-III:


Next sun was Sanjay and she engrossed herself in him and his “Abdullah”.Wild rumours floated and her supposedly romantic inclinations caused strained relations in the Khan’s home.Different angles of the “tri-angle”giving different versions,gave her more publicity,boosting sales of gossip magazines.The ‘coup de etat’ “was brought” recently with him supposedly slapping her.Zeenat was labelled as an emotional fool,Zarine was pitied and Mrs Heinz sided naturally with her “Babusha”.End of Sanjay this and that etc.


In between,there were brief ‘interludes’ with “Robin” and ‘Krishna Shah-limar” and other not-so-important characters from professional view-point.Recent “cricket fever” was also exploited by her by suggesting possible alliance with ‘Imran Khan’,which,alas,hasn’t paid any dividend so far.


All this proves that Zeenat is an out and out MISS PROFESSIONAL—a girl with anglicized look,faulty Hindi diction and no great talent, but who fully understands that Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” theory means “survival of the most professional” in the filmdom,and who uses her brains to manipulate persons and situations to her professional advantage.


J S BROCA
Baroda.
————————
1.readers who wish to know more about zeenie baby,can go to the following link:


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeenat_Aman


2.readers who would like to see zeenat sizzle with a sexy song can go to :


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97RzlQhCDlo (” AAP JAISA KOI….” )


3. The hit songs picturised on Zeenat Aman are:


1. Dum maro dum mit jaayein gum bolo subah shaam hare krishna hare raam – Hare Rama Hare Krishna


2. Chura liya hai tumne jo dil ko nazar nahi churana sanam badal ke meri tum zindgani kahin badal naa jaana sanam – Yaadon Ki Baarat


3. Aap jaisa koi meri zindagi mein aaye to baat ban jaaaye – Qurbani


4. Ek ajnabee haseena se yun mulakat ho gayee fir kya hua yeh na poocho kuch aisi baat ho gayi – Ajnabee


5. Ruk jaana o jaana humse do baatein kar ke chali jaana ke mausam hai deewana – Warrant


6. Do lafzon ki hai dil ki kahani ya hai mohabbat ya hai jawani – The Great Gambler


7. Hum bewafa hargiz na the par hum wafa kar naa sake humko mili uski saza hum jo khata kar naa sake – Shalimar


8. Main na bhoolunga main naa bhoolungi in kasmon ko in rasmon ko in rishte naaton ko – Roti Kapda Aur Makaan


9. Jiska mujhe tha intezaar jiske liye dil tha beqaraar woh ghadi aa gayi aa gayi aaj pyaar mein hadh se gujar jaana hai maar dena hai tujhko yaa mar jaana hai – Don


10. Samundar mein naha ke aur bhi namkeen ho gayi laga hai pyaar ka woh rang ke rangeen ho gayi ho – Pukar


 

My Daughter’s First Poem.


DREAMS 

 

 

“Dreams Die Hard”, said someone,

 

               I am sure,he said it in fun !

 

For, I believe—dreams live for ever.

 

                So,can they die?—Never !!

 

 

How would be the land of my dreams?

 

     —Full of chocolates,nuts and ice-creams !

 

There would be no sorrows, sighs or pain

 

    -But  Happiness ,Joy and Laughter would reign !

 

 

That fairy land—how would I reach ?

                      

                On cosy pillows,on wings of sleep !

 

How long would I love to be there ?

 

                For ever and ever ! Isn’t that fair ??

 

 

-HARMEEN KAUR BROCA

 

PS:My daughter had written this poem-her first one,sometime in

      April 2005. ( she was 22 years old then )        It was published in

      Bank of India’s house   magazine called  ” Taarangan “  in its

      December 2005 issue.She received  her honorarium

      cheque of Rs.200/- . She wrote the next piece on her

      experience of receiving the honorarium, which was also

      subsequently  published in issue of June 2006, for which she

      again received another cheque. I shall be posting that 

     delightful piece as well,shortly.

    

      – J.S.BROCA

 

Category: Humour, Ideas  3 Comments

Irony !

Irony !

Meaning of an irony :

“An expression of meaning,often humourous or sarcastic by the use of a language of a different or opposite tendency.”

“Ill timed or perverse arrival of an event or a circumstance that is in itself desirable.”

“A dramatic irony—a literary technique in which the audience can percieve hidden meanings unknown to the characters.”

Recently, I had been invited for delivering a lecture as a Guest Faculty to around 150 MBA students of a college.While preparing  my talk on “Slow down in the Economy and its effect on Banks and how to keep focussed during  such times ” I  had given some examples in my humourous way.

I now post those examples in the form of situations and have given them the title of “IRONY” :

Here are they to think upon and comment upon:

 

IRONY

 

IRONY-1 :

 

Rich people

Discussing “Slow Down Blues”

In a Seminar

At a 5 star Hotel !

 

IRONY-2 :

 

Personal Driver

Of Merrill Lynch

Seeking new job;

As his Boss

Doesn’t go out anywhere now !

 

IRONY-3 :

 

Waiter in a Hotel,

Keeps a couple waiting

For 45 minutes before serving-

Reason :”Global Slow Down “!! 

 

IRONY-4:

 

MBA Colleges now

Invite YOGA faculties

To teach students

To keep “cool”

During stressful times !!

 

IRONY-5 :

 

Lijjat completes 50 years.

Barbie Doll is also 50.

Papad maker woman

Can’t afford a Barbie for her Daughter !

Rich people whose girls

Play with Barbies,

Don’t understand

The Labour of Love

Involved in Papad Making !!

 

IRONY-6:

 

Wife admonishes Husband:

“Don’t drive so fast—

At least give Economy

A chance to

Catch up with you “!!

 

IRONY-7:

 

No rains.Crops wither.

Farmer commits suicide.

We gobble pizzas,

And drown them

With ‘Coke’ / Mineral Water !!

 

IRONY-8 :

 

Rich Man’s Son’s

Gala Wedding Reception.

Wasted food

In garbage cans.

Urchins from slums

Empty them—

To survive for at least a week !

 

IRONY-9:

 

A Farmer’s Son

Studies hard,

Becomes a Doctor.

Reason : more money in it !

A Doctor’s Son

Studies Agriculture

To grow Organic Foods.

Reason :more profits in it !!

“Meri Bhains Ko….!”



“MERI BHAINS KO…...!”
 
Dear Readers,here is an interesting news item that caught my attention.By the way,it is from Bijapur.( Dr Pooja’s native place / home town ).

 

The news goes like this: A Headline:

LOST AND FOUND;MOBILE PHONE FOUND IN BUFFALO’S GUT.”

Another Headline :” BUFFALO SWALLOWS PHONE,GETS 7 MISSED CALLS.”

BIJAPUR: This buffalo must have been taken aback when it heard a mobile ringing in its tummy.But not as much as the callers. There were seven missed calls ! This may not ring true. But this incident was reported from Hosarolli village of Bilagi taluka in Bagalkot district on Wednesday (25.02.09).


 

Farmer Ishwar Totager lost his mobile near his cowshed on Monday. He suspects it must have fallen off his shirt pocket while he was cleaning the shed. The mobile was packed in a plastic pouch and the buffalo must have swallowed the pouch. Totager forgot all about his phone. However, on Wednesday morning, he was surprised to find the pouch in the buffalo dung heap. The phone was not damaged as it had landed on the soft heap. What was more surprising was that the phone had recorded seven missed calls! No one knows what the callers heard. But the buffalo must have heard a ring every time a call was received. It must have wondered where the moo-sic was coming from.Going by the fact that Totager had set an old Kannada film number as his ring tone, the buffalo must have enjoyed the music!——————My comments,views and take on this piece of news :

1.A LIMERICK :Here is the situation summed up in my limerick :

There was a buffalo in Hossaroli,
Who swallowed a mobile like a meethi goli,
After 7 missed calls were there,
It was found,u know, from where !,
That thankful farmer, from Hossaroli !!

(Perhaps,our Limerick Expert Gautamji, can improve upon this or write another one, but more funnier than mine )

2.AN OLD COMEDY SONG FROM HINDI FILM :

One of the finest comedy songs (according to me) from Hindi Films is :”Meri Bhains Ko Danda Kyon Mara ” from Shakti Samanta’s 1970 hit movie titled “Pagla Kahin Ka” starring the inimitable Shammi Kapoor with Asha Parekh,alongwih Prem Chopra and Helen etc.The song was picturised in a mad house ( a pagal khana ) if I recall it correctly.It was sung by the versatile Manna Dey along with a chorus.The original song is not presently available on You Tube ( I tried hard ).However, readers can listen to it by going to the following link or copy pasting it:


 


The lyrics were by Hasrat Jaipuri and music by Shankar Jaikishan.It is a fun song guaranteed to lift up your mood.

If you search Google by typing “MERI BHAINS KO DANDA”you will get at least 7 videos of different types : animation,stage-show,a child dancing to the song,etc etc.See for yourself. E..n..j..o…y !!

I had translated the song into English,sometime in 1972 when I was studying in Fourth Year of Engineering  in M S University,Baroda, and had sung it on several occasions much to every one’s delight.I’ll post the lyrics and translation in near future,provided there is demand for it.The opening lines were: ” Why did you beat my buffalo ? It was grazing in the field,Of your father,What did it eat ? Why did you beat my buffalo ? “ 

3.MAKE OF THE MOBILE PHONE:

The news item does not specify the make of the swallowed mobile-Was it a NOKIA,or SIEMEN, or MOTOROLA….? Had it been clarified,the makers might have used the incident for highlighting the tough survival qualities (?) of their mobile.It had passed the “Gut Test” after all.Perhaps Aamir Khan could have been used interestingly as a brand ambassador of the model / make to attract eyeballs and brand recall along with an animated buffalo or even a real Buffalo, in light of his recent 6 pack abs a la “Ghajini” !!. Marketeers,where are you ?


 

4. NAME OF THE BREED OF THE BUFFALO :

 

The story is also silent about the breed of the farmer’s buffalo.We in the Bank, have had some exposure to financing of buffaloes.The main breeds, if I recall on the basis of my discussions with our bank’s Agricultural Officers,are Murrah,Surti and Pandharpuri.The Murrah is extensively reared and found in hamara Punjab.It is said to yield the highest quantity of milk among all the breeds.Had the name of the breed been specified,there would have been a war of an agricultural or  veterinary kind,touting the superiority of one breed over the other.Murrah would perhaps pushed the mobile out in a day,while the Surti may have have expelled it in two,as against three days it took in the story.The farmer could have got his mobile back earlier.Think on this aspect.Meanwhile,readers with a serious bent of mind can see this slide show by Veterinary College Bangalore,giving a lot of useful information about buffalo breeds.Say  ” M,,,O,,,O,,,O ” to that and go to the following link which has around 42 slides:

 


   


5.MR YAMRAJ (God of Death ):

My knowledge of this guy is limited to the fact that his “vahan” (vehicle) is a he-buffalo ( Bhainsaa ! ) Many jokes , (though this guy needs to be taken seriously)      websites,funny poems are there about this gentleman (?)The best (his)story I recall from my childhood (told to me by my  late mom through one of her Gujarati friends in our neighborhood in Bulsar,Gujarat) pertains to this Mr. Yama.
It goes somewhat like this: History of Bhaiyya Dooj :The legends have that Lord Yamraj, the God of Death, visited his sister Yamuna on the ‘Shukla Paksha Dwitiya’ day in the Hindi month of ‘Kartik’. When Yamraj reached Yamuna’s home she welcomed Him by performing His aarti, applying ‘Tilak’ on His forehead and by putting a garland around His neck. Yamuna also cooked varieties of dishes and prepared lots of sweets for her brother and offered all those to Him. Lord Yamraj ate all those delicious dishes and when He was finished He showered blessings on Yamuna and gave her a boon as a gift that if a brother visits his sister on this day he would be blessed with health and wealth. This is why this day of Bhaiyya Dooj is also known by the name of ‘Yam-Dwitiya’.Thus it has become a tradition that on the day of Bhaiyya Dooj brothers visit their sisters’ home and offer them gifts. Sisters also make various dishes for their brothers and also give gifts to them.
I wonder if this is really true or just make belief ! Readers may please elighten me. No offence meant to any religion please ! ( Incidentally,we Sikhs don’t celebrate Bhaiyya Dooj )

6.YAMRAJ IN HINDI FILMS:

One such movie I recall is “JHUK GAYA AASMAN “starring Rajendra Kumar and Saira Banu.Those who wish to know the story and see some beautiful pictures,please use the folowing link:



 

The story in brief : Sanjay (Rajendra Kumar) is a tourist guide.His best friend Hanuman Singh (Rajendranath) lives with him.Some girl tourists hire Sanjay to take them around Darjeeling. Their leader is Priya (Saira Banu), a wealthy girl from Calcutta.Sanjay falls in love with her at first sight.Their new-found bliss is short-lived, however. Priya has to return to Calcutta.Sanjay drops Priya to the airport for her flight home. On the way back, he sings the lovely “Kaun Hai Jo Sapnon Mein Aaya”song as he speeds along in his jeep.While rounding a corner he swerves to avoid an oncoming truck and is thrown from the jeep as it bounces down the steep mountain side.He dies.Special effects are worth seeing.He leaves his body and goes up there where he protests at his early death.Records are seen and it transpires that the Yama had indeed made a mistake.He ought not to have died.A solution to unite the lovers is found.There is a lot of suspense and comedy as his soul is transferred into another look alike body.To reveal the the end would be saying  moooo much. Will Priya ever be able to love Sanjay again? Watch Jhuk Gaya Aasman to find out. It’s a solidly heartwarming / funny entertainer! Go rent a CD from the neighbourhood supplier and see another roop of Yama.

 

On second thoughts,this poor Yama guy is on 24 X 7 X 365 duty and he doesn’t get rest or leave as people are always dying.

 

I also pity his poor vahan the Bhainsa ,who has to work overtime to transport his lord and master Yama,from Afghanistan to Zanzibar via Timbuktoo.!! 

7. THE SAVITRI AND SATYAVAN STORY :


 

Most of readers must be knowing  this sweet story.The oldest known version of the story of Savitri and Satyavan is found in “The Book of the Forest” of the Mahabharata.The story occurs as a multiple embedded narrative in the Mahabharata told by Markandeya. When Yudhisthira asks Markandeya whether there has ever been a woman whose devotion matched Draupadi’s, Markandeya replies by relating this story.Here too, if you read the story, Yama himself, riding on his Bhainsaa,comes to claim the soul of dead Satyavan. Savitri follows Yama as he carries the soul away. When he tries to convince her to turn back, she offers successive formulas of wisdom.Ultimately there is a happy ending to this story.Go to the following link if you are interested :

 



Dear Readers, I could go on and on,but before I say good bye, I’ll make a reference to some proverbs in Hindi / other languages related to the subject :

The Buffalo ! ( BHAINS)

 

1.” Bhains key aagey been bajaavey,bhains khadi paguraavey “.

( “Been” is a musical instrument used by snake charmers )

Meaning :The buffalo busily chews the cud,ignoring the been being played to it. 

 

2. “Akkal Baddi ki Bhains ?” ( Need I explain it ? You all are very intelligent .) 

 

3. “Bhains aagad Bhagwat !” (Gujarati) Meaning :Reading a holy book before a buffalo is a waste.

 

4. ‘Jiss ki laathi,uss ki Bhains ! ” ( Might is Right )


 

I am sure there are similar / equivalent proverbs in other Indian languages as well.

 

Ruminate over them while I chew this cud and think about the next instalment of this piece :THE PATNA CONNECTION, ” TAKKI WAALA AAYA”, CHILHOOD PRANKS,FATSOs , etc. etc.  





Cemetery Re-visited

CEMETERY RE-VISITED

I refer to my earlier posting dated  09.03.09  when I had taken you to a l-o-n-g visit to a cemetery and had listed a collection of poetry from tombstones.

Today I am again taking you to a short journey and listing out some more  poetry from my humble collection over these years.

1.HERE LIES MY HUSBAND-STIFF AT LAST !

                                             -From his loving wife.

2.HERE LIES MY WIFE-COLD AS USUAL !!

                                             -From her loving husband.

3.HERE LIES J EROME—-Her Dad Came Home !

4.MY SCOOTER AND I ,

           UNDER THIS STONE ARE STOWED,

   FOR WE WATCHED THE GIRLS

           AND NOT THE ROAD  !!

5.WE SQUANDER HEALTH

   IN SEARCH OF WEALTH,

   WE SCHEME AND TOIL AND SAVE,

   THEN SQUANDER WEALTH,

   AND ALL WE GET IS A GRAVE.

   WE LIVE AND BOAST

   OF WHAT WE OWN

   WE DIE AND ONLY GET A STONE !!

 

6.EPITAPH ON A DOCTOR’S GRAVE:THE FINAL TREATMENT.

7.EPITAPH ON AN AUTHOR’S GRAVE
   RETURNED WITH COMPLIMENTS

8.EPITAPH ON A BISHOP’S GRAVE:
   PRAYERS ANSWERED.

9.EPITAPH ON A MERCHANT’S GRAVE:
   THE SINGLE ENTRY.

10.EPITAPH ON A JUDGE’S GRAVE:
    THE FINAL JUDGEMENT
.

11.EPITAPH ON A GRAMMARIAN’S GRAVE:
     CORRECTLY SPELLED OUT .

12.ONE IN HINDI :
     “AYE SHAMSHAAN, TU HAMESHAA VIRAAN NAZAR
       AATA HAI,
       HUM TAU MARR MARR KAR TUJHEY
       ABAAD KIYA KARTEY HAIN !!”

13.SUGGESTED EPITAPH  ON KHUSHWANT SINGH’S
     GRAVE:
     (By a Reader of his Illustrated Weekly: 29.10.1972):
     A WEEKLY HABIT,BEERFULLY SOILED.

14.EPITAPH ON A HORTICULTURIST’S GRAVE:
      PRUNNED
!

15.EPITAPH ON A PSYCHOLOGIST’S GRAVE:
     ERRORS CORRECTED
.

16. HERE LIES MARGARET,
      SHE COULDN’T SWIM
      AND STILL JUMPED IN
      THAT WAS SOMETHING 
      THAT SHE WOULD REGRET !!

17. “I am ready to meet my Maker. 
       Whether my Maker is prepared
       for the great ordeal of meeting me
       is another matter.” -Winston Churchill.

18. On the grave of Anna Lovett – England:
      Beneath this stone
      And not above it
      Lie the remains of
      Anna Lovett
Be pleased good reader
Not to shove it
Least she should come
Again above it.
For ‘twixt you and I,
No one does covet
To see again this
Anna Lovett.

19.On the grave of Tim Mcgrew – Topeka, Kansas
Here lies Sheriff Tim
McGrew who said
He would arrest Bill
Hessessy or die – He was right.

20.Anonymous – London, England
Beneath this silent
Stone is laid
A noisy antiquated
Maid
Who from the cradle
Talked to death,
And ne’er before was
Out of breath.

21.On the grave of Edgar Oscar Earl – England
Beneath this grassy
Mound now rests
One Edgar Oscar Earl,
Who to another
Hunter looked
Exactly like a squirrel

22.Anonymous – Cleveland, Ohio
I thought it was a
Mushroom when
I found it in the woods
Forsaken
But since I sleep
Beneath this mound,
I must have been
Mistaken.

22.On the grave of Matthew Hollingshead – Northumberland, England:
Here lies Matthew
Hollingshead,
Who died from cold
Caught in his head
It brought on fever and
rheumatiz
Which ended me
For here I is.

23.On the grave of John Timothy Snow – Tombstone, Ariz.
Here lies John
Timothy Snow, who
Died fighting for a
Lady’s honor (She
wanted to keep it).

24.Here he lies, James T. Carson
He blew up his wife
and was hung for arson.

25.Here lies sammy burgess
and miss abbot too
they died while making
love in the loo.
Goodnight.

26.Well living men view my tomb,
just remember theres room for you.

27.Here lies the body of John O’Day,
Who died maintaining his right of way,
His way was right, his will was strong,
But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong

28.Here lies the body of old Uncle David,
     Who died in the hope of being saved.
     Where he’s gone or how he fares,
     Nobody knows and nobody cares.

29.My wife from me departed And robbed me like a knave; Which caused me broken hearted To sink into this grave. My children took an active part, To doom me did contrive; Which stuck a dagger in my heart That I could not survive.

30.My father and mother were both insane I inherited the terrible stain. My grandfather, grandmother, aunts and uncles Were lunatics all, and yet died of carbuncles

31.Lived a life of stress and worry
Rushing through it in a hurry
Didn’t stop to smell the roses
But now he feeds them as he decomposes—————OK ,I’ll be back soon !! Hopefully,says me.

MERA PAPAD MAHAAN….!!






MERA PAPAD MAHAAN….!!

Today I read an article titled “ In praise of papad ” by one Jyotsna Bhatnagar in The Financial Express dated 14.03.09.Here is what I read:Circa: 1959. Date: March 15. Blissfully oblivious of the ominous western symbolism associated with the Ides of March, seven illiterate, poor but enterprising Gujarati home-makers gathered on the terrace of an old dilapidated building in a lower-middle class suburb of south Mumbai determined to fight oppressive economic dependence and gender discrimination with the only weapon they knew how to use effectively—the humble rolling pin. Armed with just one common skill—the art of rolling dough into wafer-thin papads and fired with the strong determination to earn dignity as individuals, these seven sisters-in-arms laid the foundations of what is today, 50 years later, an over Rs 400 crore organisation that epitomises women’s emancipation, empowerment and the sheer power of partnership. By the women, of the women and for the women. The Shri Mahila Griha Udyog Lijjat Papad, now just known as Lijjat, began with a minuscule seed capital of Rs 80 lent to the thrifty women by a social worker with entrepreneurial skills who made them vow they’d never borrow again. On the first day, four packets of papads were rolled by the industrious women and sold to a local vendor. The profit earned was ploughed back to make more papads and the rest, as they say, was history. Today, Lijjat provides local self-employment opportunities to 40,000 women from shanty towns and impoverished localities and has 61 branches spread in different parts of the country. Though the Lijjat business model is seemingly simple and perhaps not part of the modern theories of running businesses, the original founding members displayed native intelligence and rare business acumen while evolving the institution. This model doesn’t adhere to the maxim of maximising profits. Nor does it turn its women workers into millionaires. But what it does is provide enough for each of them to eke out a dignified and self-reliant existence. Small wonder then that even though the number of women working at Lijjat has grown 6,000-fold from the original seven, the organisation has not collapsed under the weight of its ever-increasing number of workers. Instead, more workers signify more skilled hands which translates into more growth for the organisation as a whole. Five decades after it was started, Lijjat is a living and vibrant testimony of the efficacy and power of the cooperative movement, of similar values and shared destinies. It is also symbolic of the virtues of self-governance and a work environment which is not simply competition driven. In fact, at Lijjat it’s decentralisation that works. All members of the organisation are its owners. No one is superior to anyone else, which is why there’s enough to go around for everyone. But what’s worth emulating is the fact that at the core, Lijjat is a thorough-bred business venture. Jyoti Naik, the current president of the Shri Mahila Griha Udyog Lijjat Papad, puts it succinctly on the website. “Our thinking is straight. Ours is a business like any other even if the structure is different.” Like all efficient enterprises, Lijjat has, over the years, adhered to strict quality control and can teach corporates like Satyam a lesson or two about maintaining proper accounts as well. There’s no figure fudging here—every member gets her share of vanai or rolling charges straight away on the same day. Accounts are never kept pending even for a day nor is credit disbursed to any dealer, no matter how big or important a buyer he may be. Quite like a seasoned corporate, Lijjat also popularised its papads through deft media management and smart advertising. It’s not surprising that many of us still have a total and vivid recall of the cackling Lijjat bunny we grew up watching on national television selling his papads. Not surprising then, that though the Lijjat model has spawned many me-too organisations across the country, it still remains the original trailblazer cooperative providing livelihood, economic independence and dignity to thousands of impoverished women.
My comments, views and take on this piece of news is as under:


 1.Tongue Twister :I recall a game we used to play in school days. The skill was in reciting  ”Kacha Papad,Pakka Papad ” a number of times without mispronouncing any word. We all took turns to speedily say : KACHA PAPAD, PAKKA PAPAD, KACHA PAPAD, PAKKA PAPAD, KACHA PAPAD, PAKKA PAPAD, KACHA PAPAD, PAKKA PAPAD, KACHA PAPAD, PAKKA PAPAD, KACHA PAPAD, PAKKA PAPAD and more often we would end up stumbling with these simple words. 


2.A Munnabhai Joke: My favourite one goes like this:CIRCUIT : Aye Mamu, tere ko papad aur jhapad mein farak pata hai kya?
MAMU : Nahin. CIRCUIT : To kha ke dekh ley, pata chal jayega.






3.A DIFFICULT JOB :

There are quite a few popular proverbs or sayings connected with a papad.If someone has achieved something with great difficulty, he said : “Aap ko patta nahin ki kitney papad belney padey is key liye.”

4. A THIN GUY :

A skinny guy in school (like me) was termed as “Papad Tod Pehalwan !”

5. MY FIRST MASALA PAPAD :

This is a popular North Indian item served in some hotels.I had a taste of this sometime in 1998 or so at Kanpur, when I was invited for lunch by a friend there. I loved the preparation and later cajoled the Head Waiter to part with the recipe.Our South Indian friends and readers can try it at their risk and let me have the feedback.

Here it is : Masala Papad Recipe :An Indian appetizer, Masala Papad is served during or after meals. Learn how to make/prepare Masala Papad by following this easy recipe. Ingredients:

• 1 Papad
• 1 tbsp Onion (finely chopped)
• 1 tbsp Tomato (finely chopped)
• ½ tbsp Coriander Leaves (finely chopped)
• ¼ tsp Lemon Juice or Amchur Powder
• 1/4 tsp Chili Powder
• Salt to taste

How to make Masala Papad:
• Roast the papad on high flame carefully and lay it on a plate.
• Now mix all the ingredients (except the papad ! ) in a bowl.
• Spread the mixture evenly on the papad.
• Serve before or with lunch.

I tastes great.I wish I could pass a whiff of its heavenly aroma to the readers through this posting.Only care to be taken is that the papad should not become soggy ! Try it .

6.MY MASALA POPPADOM :A South Indian colleague of mine in Lucknow ( in 2002) had invited us for a lunch at his residence.He had served us this item.I loved it.Later my wife got the recipe from his wife.Our North Indian friends and readers can try it and let me have their comments.Here is the recipe :

 Ingredients:
• 100 gm Plain (uncoooked) poppadoms
• 200 gm Rice flour
• 1 tbsp Black or white sesame seeds
• Vegetable oil for deep-frying
• 1 tsp Cumin seeds

How to make Masala Poppadoms:
• Take a big bowl and combine the rice flour, cumin seeds and sesame seeds.
• Gradually add 570ml water, keep stirring to make a thin batter.
• Take a big heavy saucepan and heat oil.
• Dip the poppadoms in the batter and coat them completely.
• Fry them one at a time for about 2 to 3 minutes or until golden.
• Remove them from the oil and drain on the kitchen paper before serving.

Really Yummy…...!

7. SINDHIS LOVE PAPADS :

We had a Sindhi family friend in Baroda.It is a custom in Sindhi families that if you go to their house they will never offer you a plain glass of water.Water will be invariably served along with a plateful of papads—either roasted or fried. I loved this gesture and we too soon adopted it in our family.This tradition has also resulted in jokes ( no offence meant please ).Sample one:

One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

8. SWOT ANALYSIS OF LIJJAT PAPAD:

You will be astonished to know that some B School MBA students were once given an exercise to do SWOT ANALYSIS( strengths,weaknesses,opportunities,threats)  of Lijjat Papad.This is what they came out with: Beginning with the strengths, they stated that the organization had motivated employees, was simple in its ideas and in process, minimal investments, quality control and had a strong set of core values. They believed its weaknesses included limited image building, limited risk and weak supply chain and that the women worked particularly hard. Outlining its opportunity, the group felt that the further product diversification and scalability of operations were a couple of things that they could work on. Finally, they felt the enterprise faced threats from the changing role of women in society and that some company in it just for profit motive could come and swallow up the market.Readers may like to add or subtract some points as per their perception.

9.STANDARDISATION OF PAPAD:

A newspaper report sometime ago ( I forget the date,but the year was 2007 I think ) said : ”The papad, a traditional accompaniment to the Indian meal, will henceforth be made as per international standards. The Codex Committee on Food Additives and Contaminants, controlled jointly by the Food and Agriculture Organisation (FAO) and the World Health Organisation (WHO), has decided to include papads (and lassi) in its list of food items.The committee has directed that papads shall be in the form of thin circular discs having a diameter ranging from 5 cm to 25 cm. The thickness shall be 0.3 mm to 1.2 mm. The committee has also specified that papads should be of pleasant taste and smell and free from rancid or bitter taste and should not crumble.Papads should also be free from frayed edges, holes, dirt and fungal growth. On being fried, they should be crispy, and should not be soggy or sticky. Papads, generally prepared from soaked rice flour or black gram mixed with salt and spices, have to be manufactured and dried under strict hygienic conditions from now on.” Readers are requested to check their stocks of papads at home and measure their thickness and diameter etc.!! I will try to find out the reference number of the relevant Indian Standard and inform my technically oriented friends shortly.Till then continue enjoying your papad without fear !

10.FAMOUS LIJJAT PAPAD MASCOTA BUNNY RABBIT :

Many of us will still recall the famous ad on TV in  Door Darshan days of the past.Those interested in it,may see the ad on Youtube. Link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhKMjnMUJCU

This is the famous Lijjat Papad Commercial which features Ramdas Padhye’s Rabbit Puppet.This commercial was shot in 1980’s and is still running on many Indian channels.The laughter of the puppet is one of the main aspect due to which this ad is still remembered. I too loved the ad a lot.I am sure a lot many papad lovers will identify with this beautiful ad.



11.A CUSTOM  AMONG MARWARIS :

I understand that even today, there are several Marwari families that practice a peculiar custom.It goes somewhat like this:Once the traditional matchmaker of the community (barber) – had introduced the families of the prospective bride and groom, the women from the boy’s side would pay a visit to the girl’s house. The sole purpose was to put the bride-to-be through a fool-proof test: get her to roast a papad.The secret to her temperament lay in the way she carries out this task. If she was not careful, then parts of the papad are roasted black. For the future in-laws, that suggested the girl was hotheaded, and likely to spread discord in the family. If there were parts that remained unroasted (kacha), the girl was deemed too mild-mannered or even spineless. She will not be able to hold her own in a joint family where the women-in-laws came in all hues.Interpretations were also dependent on which part of the papad remained over or under-roasted. If the edges of the papad had been turned into carbon, then the bride-to-be will be hassled by small, relatively insignificant issues, but she can still be moulded as per the wishes of the matriarchal in-laws. God-forbid though, if the burnt parts were around the centre. The young woman was done for. She will wage war on each and every issue  big or small, important or not.It didn’t mean that hotheaded women didn’t get married.Wise mothers-in-law, wanting to create the right balance, opted for such a woman if the son was too mild or gullible or if there was another daughter-in-law who needed countering. Likewise, for the women who under-roasted papads during the test.The mother and other female relatives of the bride-to-be couldn’t dream of faking the test. The bride inspectors would bring in their own exam material, and each household would prepare the basic papad a bit differently, forcing the bride to be alert. She needed the ability to discern when a particular side of the papad was done, so she could turn it. A hesitation of even a fraction of a second could make the difference between a yes and a no for marriage.There could not be any proxy roasting either. A bevy of women from the boy’s side would all be present while the bride sweated it out.ENCHANTING AGNI PARIKSHA ISN’T IT ?


Enough of my papad katha.I’ll end here.By the way, my wife does not permit me to eat fried papads from my health point of view.Whenever I wish to have a papad I have to go for a roasted papad. When she is not watching (say in a huge wedding pandal where we have gone to attend some wedding or reception) I just close my eyes and gobble one or two crisply fried papads quickly and wipe my beard and moustaches clean of any tell-tale signs of my indulgence ! Yes,with the newly acquired imported micro-wave oven in our home,most of the time,it is me who is instructed to roast some papads for the whole family in it.I willingly oblige as the delicious aroma from papads being roasted in it give me an olfactory kick ! Its lunch time folks,so off I go to roast my quota for today.


I suggest that 15th March should be rightfully declared as ” Indian / World Papad Day.” Let’s all say :”MERA PAPAD MAHAAN..!!” Jai Ho Papad Walley Ki !

Readers may respond at the earliest.I request Gautamji to compose a senryu or a haikoo on papads, Shernazji to try writing a tanka on the subject,Atreyaji compose a  Mycoo or Highcoo,Mallickji-a delightful poem on advantages and disadvantages of eating a papad and our doctor friend Poojaji, to write a poem on the dear old utterly butterly delicious Indian Papad.Let’s see what these Muse-icians specifically come out with  and what others among our huge list of poets of this forum  have to say.Your PAPAD TIME starts now.


HOLI HAI !!




1.UN-HOLI ALLIANCE :



Disambar mein hui ladki-dikhaee,

Janvari mein ho gayi uss sey sagai.

Farvari mein kaha : March mein tum sang

Khoob kheloonga Holi.

Woh kuchch sharmaee,par kuchch naa boli,

Meri pichkaari aur gubbaarrey,

Reh gaye ek kinaarey,

Kyon ki Holi se pehley,

Woh kissi aur ki ho lee !!




2.HOLI IN THE KITCHEN :



Green chillies,

Red tomatoes,

Orange carrots

Purple turnips,

White raddish,

Yellow papaya,

-Holi ka salaad  !!




3.BOY MEETS GIRL  ON HOLI :



Boy tells girl I love your pink cheeks,

How I wish I too had such lovely cheeks.

Girl thought for a minute or two.

OK, here’s a remedy for you,

She gave the boy two hard slaps

Why Oh Why, asked the poor chap,

“Wishing  You a Happy Holi too,

Now you too have pink cheeks two ” !!


4.MOHEY RANG DE



Husband wished to play Holi

With his neighbour’s wife !

He sang :”Mohe Rang De…

Rang De,Rang De,Mohe Rang De..”

His wife turned green with envy

Red with anger and said :

Buri Nazar Waaley,Aa Rang Doon,

Rang Doon,Rang Doon…...

Tera Moonh Kala !!”



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