WIFEOLOGY !
Background :
This is a nostalgic journey down the lane from 2008 to 1977. I had written a humourous piece on the subject matter and had sent it to Eve’s Weekly.They returned the article with the usual rejection slip.I was not disheartened.I posted the creation to The Sunday Standard -my then favourite Sunday newspaper (The Indian Express Group).Within a very reasonable time,I received an encouraging letter from the editor himself .He complimented me but made some valid suggestions like reducing its length and pruning some paragraphs and then send it back to them.Those days I was working in a private sector firm and had to take the help of a friendly typist in some other department to first get the matter typed and then again re-typed with suitable modifications.There were no computers then of course.I sent the matter back to The Sunday Standard (by usual post through a nearby post office (there was no e-mail technology then too) If I remember correctly it was the last week of February 1977.The article was published in the weekly paper dated March 20th 1977.I have kept a cutting of the same pasted on a thick sheet (there was no photocopying technique then) as a memory of those exciting times .It has yellowed with age but occupies a place of pride in one of my old registers.Yes,on 25th April 1977, I received a cheque of Rs.100/- from the newspaper alongwith a letter dated 19th April.I have preserved that letter as well.Rs.100/- of those days should be equivalent to Rs 2000/- at least to day.Now that internet is here,and MUSE INDIA has given us readers a good platform,I feel privileged to share this experience with my friends and readers. I reproduce the article herebelow:
WIFEOLOGY by Jitoo Broca
The other day,while rummaging trough some old papers,I came across a little red diary.(By the way,it is quite an antique piece,since it belongs to those old school days of mine) A page showing what a particular “logy” meant interested me and set me thinking about my wife who practically and artfully tries these sciences at home to her advantage (and to my chagrin). There and then I coined the word “Wifeology” (I’d like to propose that the word be included in the dictionary ). I wish to share my views with all husbands in general,(and with my friends’ wives,in particular) so that a joint committee ,on a national basis,can be formed for the social uplift of unliberated husbands (in these days of liberated women and wives !) and to oppose the use of these “logies” at the home-front.Here I go !
ANTHROPOLOGY-Study of mental and physical states of mankind . “Marriage is the panacea for all weaknesses,” said someone.So I got married,thinking that i’d soon get fatter.The outcome was that I grew lengthwise and my wife grew breadthwise.Mentally,I had a high IQ ,but marrying a girl with a higher IQ,suppressed my mental state.Mankind,kindly beware !
ARCHEOLOGY-Study of pre-historic remains. After twenty years of my married life what remains of me now would indeed be a tourist attraction and foreign exchange earner ! (Entrepreneurs wishing to jump into this business,please meet me,by prior appointment through my missus,and discuss the terms for a life-long contract.) My wife is still geographically intact ,but her torments have withered my glory ! I pray for my fellow-sufferers !
CHRONOLOGY-Study of dates and events. The date I got hitched to her was the unluckiest day of my life.Later,I conveniently forgot her birthdays to save expense,but she shrewdly kept me happy only on the days of my subsequent marriage anniversaries and got pearls,diamonds and gold from me.Lord help those whose memories are strong !
CONCHOLOGY-Study of shells.Very often she made me shell some bucks,saying that she would spend them on a fifty fifty basis.Later I would realise that she had spent fifty rupees on her dress and fifty paise on getting my suit ironed.(What an irony !) She spent the rest in buying shell novelties by the sea-shore at such fantastic rates that I could not even pronounce straight the otherwise facile tongue-twister ;”She sells sea-shells on the sea-shore .” The wealth thus shelled out by husbands of the entire world’s wives would dwarf “Kuber” -the god of wealth !
CYTOLOGY-Study of cells.I am talking of my grey cells,not prison cells.My wife’s red blood cells,in all their anger,always prevailed against my greycells.When she struck me in all her fury my greycells would become sober only after a night in the cell or cellar.Men,think of motgaging your greycells before you sell them away so that you may regain then when bad times have passed.You get me ?
ENTOMOLOGY-Study of insects. “Insect”is the dear adjective shee freely and frequentlyuses to address me when she is in one of those nasty moods of hers.Thank her stars,I am a biped.Had I been a centipede,I’d love to crawl on her sleeping bellyon a sultry summer afternoon and love to hear her stereophonic shrieks in the air-conditioned bedroom of her flat.Insects of the world unite !
GERONTOLOGY-Study of the science of oldage.Like the Golden Age of Ancient India,under the Guptas,my recent premature old age is the result of my being under the rule of my wife’s wand ! She is now in her un-roaring forties,but still looks and behaves like a sour twenty-seven ! I think ” Love is -not making your man concious of his old age”. My wife thinks the contrary.
ORNITHOLOGY-Study of Birds. I remember the occasion when my wife caught me ogling and whistling at a lovely bird next door.She got the windows permanently bolted.Prevention was better than cure,she thought for she knew my “oglomania” was incurable and that I was always on the lookout for fresh birds on the sly.
PHILOLOGY-Study of languages. One tongue is sufficient for a woman, said some wise sage.Moving in a high society circle my wife has picked up an assortment of “foreign”words and throws them at me with relish.She has such a juggled vocabularythat I can’t make out if it’s Hebrew or Yiddish when she mutters in her dreamy sleep.I enjoy her choicest swaer-words as much as her garlic-soup (provided you develop a healthy taste for either or both !)
VIROLOGY-Study of viruses.Wife is a virus,an infection (Pardon me if I am wrong,folks !) When the bug of four letter words ( like gold,mink,furs and gems ) bites one of the female species,there is no cheap bug-killer for the guy who suffers its stings till he pays through his nose,like the virus of the common cold !.
Well,gentlemen,I leave you now to define the term “Wifeology” based on your own experience with your own wife (preferably) and to enlighten me with their artful practice of other “logies”. I ‘ll have to stop getting wiser now,you know,before some cute young wife comes out with some such rubbish titled :” Husbandology ” (Here’s some food for thought,you intelligent ladies. Scratch your brains and awaken your greycells !) .
-J S BROCA
WHAT IS LIFE
Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Nov 18I had recently posted an opinion in Muse India.(visit www.museindia.com)
Here it is :
“Opinion By J S Broca, Nov 16, 2008 New Delhi,
jsbroca@yahoo.com
WHAT IS LIFE ?
What is LIFE ? What is its purpose ? Let’s see what various writers say on the subject :
1. Zig Ziglar: Man was designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.
2. Thomas Edison: Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
3. Elbert Hubbard: Many people fail in life, not for lack of ability or brains or even courage but simply because they have never organized their energies around a goal.
4. Unknown Author: Many people realize their hearts’ desires late in life. Continue learning, never stop striving and keep your curiosity sharp, and you will never become too old to appreciate life.
5. Jonathan Swift: May you live all the days of your life.
6. Buddha: Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine.
7. Alfred Adler: Men of genius are admired, men of wealth are envied, men of power are feared; but only men of character are trusted.
8. Gabriel Heatter: Mere longevity is a good thing for those who watch Life from the side lines. For those who play the game, an hour may be a year; a single day’s work an achievement for eternity.
9. George Bernard Shaw: Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles.
10. Nikki Giovanni: Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to error that counts.
11. Janice Endique: On the way to what you planned to happen, something even better comes along.
12. Mahatma Gandhi: One man cannot do right in one department of life whilst he is occupied in doing wrong in any other department. Life is one indivisible whole.
13. Don Quixote: One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world was better for this.
14. Michael Cibenko: One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.
15. P. W. Litchfield: One realizes the full importance of time only when there is little left of it. Every man’s greatest capital asset is his unexpired years of productive life.
16. Lucius Annaeus Seneca: One should count each day a separate life.
17. Sophocles: One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life; That word is love.
18. Albert Einstein: Only a life lived for others is worth living.
19. Thomas Alva Edison: Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
20. Walter Winchell: Optimist: A man who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.
Having read the above quotes, it is clear that life means different things to different people.
However, to me it appears that the true meaning of life is summed up in this beautiful song from the old film Anadi (1959) with lyrics by Shailendra, sung by Mukesh and music by Shankar Jaikishan.
The wordings of the song go thus:
”Kisee kee muskuraahaton pe ho nisaar
kisee kaa dard mil sake to, le udhaar
kisee ke waasate ho tere dil mein pyaar,
..........................jeenaa isee kaa naam hai.
Maanaa apanee jeb se fakeer hai
fir bhee yaaro dil ke hum ameer hai
mite jo pyaar ke liye wo jindagee
jale bahaar ke liye wo jindagee
kisee ko ho naa ho humei to ayetabaar,
........................... jeenaa isee kaa naam hai.
Rishtaa dil se, dil ke ayetabaar kaa
jindaa hain hum hee se naam pyaar kaa
ke mar ke bhee kisee ko yaad aayenge
kisee ke aasuon mein muskurayenge
kahegaa ful har kalee se baar baar,
........................... jeenaa isee kaa naam hai”
Now lets make an effort to translate this song into English :
“Try to die for someone’s beautiful smile,
Try to borrow (take over) someone’s sorrow,
Let there be love in your heart for someone.
....That’s what is called LIFE.
If you see my empty pockets,then I am a pauper,
But if you see the love in my heart,then I am really rich,
The one who is ready to die for love,his life is really meaningful.
The one who is ready to sacrifice his life for bringing sunshine in someone else’s life,his life is really meaningful.
You may not believe all this,but I am confident and believe
......That’s what is called LIFE.
I believe that there has to be relationship of faith between two hearts,
And that is what keeps love alive for ever and ever.
I wish that someone special remembers me after my death
I would love to keep smiling through the tears of that someone special.
After I die,every flower shall repeatedly tell the newly opening buds
......That’s what is called LIFE”
This golden oldy picturised beautifully in black and white, on that great and versatile actor,the late Raj Kapoor,is a shear pleasure to watch on Youtube and listen to, in the stillness of late night,while you ruminate on the subject matter :WHAT IS LIFE ? E..N..J…O…Y !!
PS : Readers of Muse India are extended a warm invitation to visit my blog (titled “Broca’s Doodle Pad”) through the link given herebelow and post their views on topics of interest to them : http://seeingwithc.org/jsblog