Archive for the Category »Humour «

NEW CORPORATE VOCABULARY

NEW CORPORATE VOCABULARY

CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

COMPILED BY J S BROCA

26TH FEB 2014 / REVISED 4TH OCTOBER 2020

OLD IS GOLD… Shayari….

OLD IS GOLD…

Shayari….

My friend Dr Pooja wrote a lovey-dovey shayari a few days ago and requested me to help her in translating it for benefit of readers who did not understand Hindi.

Gladly, I volunteered to translate it.The result and the feedback from various readers is posted herebelow for you all to see and enjoy !

Poetry

By Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Sep 18, 2009

Bijapur, pooza_29@yahoo.com

Shayari

Teri masoomiyat pe main apna dil kurbaan kar baitha,

Teri ek haseen ke liye main saaree hadhein paar kar baitha

Meri ek hi tamanna hai ki tu hamesha khush rahey

Na jaane kab tere liye sajdey mein sarr jhuka baitha.

J S Broca’s transliteration:

I sacrificed my heart at the altar of that rare simplicity of yours

I crossed all borders just to glimpse that one sweet smile of yours

I have only one, just one ultimate desire, that you be happy for ever

I don’t know when I bowed down before the Supreme Being.

Comments from readers :

Praying and praying for your welfare, for ever, for ever!! Pooja and Brocaji, It’s pure and tender.

U Atreya Sarma, Greenfield, Wisconsin

Sep 19, 2009

A sincere prayer, good one.

Thara D’Souza, Thiruvananthapuram

Sep 19, 2009

Wah wah! The essence of the shayri is still intact in the translated verse too.

Srinivas Jagirdar, Hyderabad

Sep 18, 2009

Jitoo Uncle, You always let me take the basket of flowers. Thanks for being so good. Deep regards. Dear Jasneet, Thanks for liking my shayari. Best wishes.

Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Bijapur

Sep 18, 2009

Dear Sanjay, You write very well. I am very happy with the last two lines penned in your verse. Nice thoughts duly framed, romantic at the same time. Have a nice time.

Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Bijapur

Sep 18, 2009

Dear Pooja, thanks ! Your original is better than my translation, I feel. Keep posting !!

J S Broca, New Delhi

Sep 18, 2009

Respected Dr. Pooja ji, Kudos to your wonderful shayri. An absolute praiseworthy transliteration by Broca sir. Warm Regards.

Jasneet Kaur, New Delhi

Sep 18, 2009

Seshu Uncle, Thank you so much. I thank Jitoo Uncle, who translated my shayari. Best wishes. Satya Uncle, I was expecting a Telugu transliteration by you and see, it’s here. Nice read. Best wishes.

Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Bijapur

Sep 18, 2009

Kehna Tum se Hai, Tum Apna Khayal Rakhna,

Pooch Lena Mujhse, Naa Mere Liye

Dil mein Koi Sawaal Rakhna Main Yeh Nahi Kehta Ke Sab Kuch Yaad Rakhna,

Jab Hum Mile The Bas Yaad Wo Din,

Wo Ghadi Aur Wo Saal Rakhna Naa Sochna Kabhi Ke Badal Jayenge Hum,

Hum Khawab Nahi Jo App Ki

Aankhon Se Nikal Jaayenge Hum Agar Yakeen Naa Ho To

Mujh Se Meri Zindagi Maang Lo,

Bichha Dena Pyar Ki Baahein,.

Hans Kar Mar Jaayenge Hum Bikhri hui zulfoon ko, girahgeer bana lo;

Rakhna hai mujhe qaid, to zanjeer bana lo;

Kaagaz pe lakeeren, to bahut kheech le tumne;

Ab sab ko mila kar, meri tasveer bana lo.

Sanjay Suman, New Delhi, Sep 18, 2009

Dear Pooja, A nice shayri and an excellent translation by Brocaji. Here I submit the Telugu translation for your perusal and by MI fraternity. Warmest regards.

Here is the Telugu translation:

Arudaina nee niraadambarata anE balipeetampai naa hrudayaani arpinchaanu Nee teeyani chiru navvu choodaalani anni sarihaddulu daati vacchaanu Naaku okkatE, okE okka kOrika, neevu yeppudoo santoshamgaa vundaalani Naaku teleedu eppudu aa sarvonnatuni mundu mokarillanO Nee manchi kosam prardhistoo, prardistoo, eppatiki, mareppatikee

Ch J Satyananda Kumar, Visakhapatnam

Sep 18, 2009

Despite it is tough translating Urdu into English, Brocaji did a commendable job. Praiseworthy expressions, both.

Seshu Chamarty, Hyderabad

Sep 18, 2009

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 21ST SEPTEMBER 2020

PROMOTING MARRIAGE THROUGH FACEBOOK

PROMOTING MARRIAGE THROUGH FACEBOOK

Granny flies from US to marry Facebook friend in Haryana

Vishal Joshi, Hindustan Times

Popra (Karnal), January 30, 2014

Saying good-bye to all worldly comforts, a lovelorn US-born woman came all the way to Haryana’s Popra village to marry her Facebook friend and play the role of a doting Indian wife.

Adriana Peral, 41, is 16 years older to her husband Mukesh Ror. The couple got in touch with each other over social networking website Facebook in February, 2013 and reportedly got married in November.

Peral, who hails from California, was a grandmother back in the US, when she decided to marry Mukesh. Now, the couple wants to fly to the US to see Peral’s mother, daughter and two grandchildren.

Popra is located about 70km from Karnal, adjoining the border of Jind district. Peral told HT that her marriage with a stubborn US navy official did not last long.

“With tears in my eyes, I used to pray in the church to have a caring life partner. I am happily married and want to see Mukesh join some profession and have a nice house in a town,” said Peral, adding that she is still adjusting with the limited amenities at her new house. Meanwhile, the US embassy in New Delhi has refused to entertain Ror’s visa application.

“On January 3, I appeared at the embassy to get a tourist visa but it was turned down. The official at the embassy did not even open my file. Parel’s visa for India will expire on February 10 and she wants to take me along to introduce me to her family in the US,” said Mukesh, a postgraduate in mass communication from the Kurukshetra University.

But Peral sees nothing wrong in the rejection of visa application, saying it was the US policy to maintain an eye on the unscrupulous elements trying to enter the country using unfair means. “I hope that Mukesh will soon get a permit to visit or settle with me in the US. But I am not averse to stay back in India to lead a peaceful married life,” she said.

Mukesh had worked for various Hindi news channels and newspapers from Assandh sub-division of the district, but now, he said, he was busy with his new life and working on his visa clearance.

Mukesh’s mother Bimla Devi also stays in the house and family leads a comfortable life from whatever they earn from their eight acres of farmland. Peral, who studied till Class 8 back in the US, said that she was a receptionist at a clinic in California.

“We became friends on Facebook and our relationship ended in the marriage. After initial hesitations, I grew faith in Mukesh and decided to marry him. I came to India in August, 2013 and I do not regret my decision of marrying in a land which has a completely different culture,” said Peral.

Now pregnant, Peral is firm on delivering the baby in the US.

Clarifying that she was not a typical Haryanvi housewife doing all household chores, Peral finds the ongoing chilly weather as completely unbearable.

“I chop vegetables and unsuccessfully tried my hands at making ‘chapattis’. Though the living conditions are different than I used to have in the US, but I am enjoying my life here,” she said.

Quoting Bible that “a person without true love was a dead”, Peral said that here she missed the church and gymnasium the most.

“I used to spend up to five hours in a gymnasium. Here, I have no place to jog. I go to Assandh or Karnal for shopping and I enjoy becoming a centre of attraction in the market,” she said.

When told that marrying an elder woman and that too from a different religion was still considered a taboo in the Haryanvi society, Peral said that she didn’t care as long as Mukesh loved her.

“I have seen women in the village covering their heads, but no one objected my wearing the western dresses. I also enjoy wearing salwar-kurta stitched by my in-laws,” she said.

COMPILED BY J S BROCA, 31ST JAN 2014 / MONTOO 18TH APRIL 2020

20TH SEPTEMBER 2020

HAIR YESTERDAY, GONE TODAY

HAIR YESTERDAY, GONE TODAY

This morning, some of the following quotes came to my mind:

Famous Hair Quotes

“The hair is the richest ornament of women.” Martin Luther

“Between the cradle and the grave lie a haircut and a shave.” Samuel Hoffenstein

“When red headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.” Mark Twain

“Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.” Anonymous

“Long on hair, short on brains.” French Proverb

“A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.” Steve Martin

“Gorgeous hair is the best revenge.” Ivana Trump

“Gray hair is God’s graffiti.” Bill Cosby

“I do not consider myself bald; I am just taller than my hair.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

“Lycurgus brought long hair into fashion saying that it rendered those that were handsome more beautiful.” Plutarch

Now Ask Me Why? (these quotes came to my mind)

Herein lies the answer (saw the following piece of news in HT):

Captain Dhoni lets his hair down, youth in Ranchi pick it up

B Vijay Murty/ Saurav Roy, Hindustan Times
Ranchi, September 24, 2013

 Barely a day after he sported a new hairdo, youngsters in Ranchi, the Indian cricket captain’s hometown, have started becoming Mahendra Singh Dhoni lookalikes. Salons and men’s beauty parlour on Monday received enquiries, and clients even demanded the new Dhoni hairstyle. HT spoke

to a couple of beauty salons and found that till afternoon on Monday at least 20 youngsters and cricket-crazy enthusiasts visited them to sacrifice their hair on either side of their head to emulate the Dhoni hairstyle, which is popularly known as the Mohawk cut, made popular by English footballer David Beckham.

This is not the first time that Dhoni has popularised a new hairstyle. His long locks in the initial days of his cricketing career were quite a hit among his young fans.

Former Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf once liked Dhoni’s long locks and advised him to keep the hairdo as it suited his personality.
“Dhoni’s new haircut is not new. It is there in our catalogue since the Fifa World Cup of 2012 though there were hardly any takers,” said Samshad Ali, owner of

Unique Beauty Parlour for men, located in a busy business area of Ranchi.

Shrishti Jha, manager of the city’s premier Kaya Beauty Salon, said hairstylists on Monday served no fewer than 10 young boys and men opting for the new Dhoni hairdo.

COMPILED BY J S BROCA

September 24, 2013

REVIEWED 20TH SEPTEMBER 2020

GEETA SAAR DURING RECESSION

GEETA SAAR DURING RECESSION

Hey Parth (Employee),

Incentive nahi mila, bura Hua
Salary cut rahi hai, bura Hua
Extra shift hogi, woh bhi buri hogi.

Tum pichhla incentive na milne ka paschatap na karo,
Tum agley incentive ki chinta na karo,
Bus apni salary main santusht raho….

Tumhari pocket se kya gaya, jo rote ho?
Jo aaya tha sab yaheen se aaya.
Tum jab nahi the, tab bhi company chal rahi thee
Tum Tum jab nahi hoge, tab bhi chalegee.

koi experience leker nahi aaye the..
Jo experience mila yahin mila…
Jo support diya company ke liye…
Degree leker aaye thhe, experience lekar chalo.

Jo system aaj tumhara hai…
Woh kal kisi aur ka tha….
Kal kisi aur ka or parson kisi aur ka hoga..
Tum isey apna samajh kar kyon magan ho rahe ho..
Yahi khushi tumhari tension kaa kaaran hai.

“Kyo vyarth chinta karte ho, kisse vyarth darte ho,
Kaun tumhein nikaal sakta hai……”
Policy change company ka rule hai.
Jise tum policy change kahte ho, wahi tau trick hai.
“Ek pal main tum Best Performer or Hero no.1 ya Super
Star ban jaate ho,
Dusre pal main tum worst performer or target nahin
achieve kar paatey ho.”

Appraisal, incentive etc. etc.

mann se hata do, vichaar se mita do,

Phir company tumhari hai or tum company ke.
Na yeh increment wageyrah tumhare liye hai
Na tum iske kabhi ho,

Parantu job secure hai
Phir tum tension kyon lete ho……..?

Tum apne aap ko company ko arpit kar do,
Yahi sabse bada golden rule hai,
Jo is golden rule ko jaanta hai,
Woh review, incentive, recession, retirement aadi se Sada ke liye muqt ho jaata hai….

HURRY (H)OM(e).

COMPILED BY J S BROCA / 17TH MARCH 2014

REVIEWED 9TH JAN 2018 / 19TH SEPTEMBER 2020

Window Dressing

Window Dressing

Window dressing is a technique used by companies and financial managers to manipulate financial statements and reports to show more favorable results for a period. Although window dressing is illegal or fraudulent, it is slightly dishonest and is usually done to mislead investors.

Companies typically window dress their financial statements by selling off assets and either purchasing new assets or using this money to funds other operations. This way the cash balance on the balance sheet appears to be at a normal amount. Unfortunately, this strategy can only fool novice investors. Experienced investors can analyze the statement of cash flows and long-term assets to see that the company is funding current operations by selling off assets.

Window dressing is probably most commonly found in investment brokers and mutual fund houses. Mutual fund managers often sell off poor performing stock and other investments near the end of a period and use the money to buy high performing stock. This way new investors see the portfolio of high performing stock and want to invest. Obviously, this is only a short-term strategy for novice investors. Any experienced investor will analyze portfolio trends over the past few periods to see if the funds managers are investing wisely.

In short, window dressing is a short-term strategy to make financial statements and financial portfolios appear more consistent and desirable than they really are. Although window dressing does not amount to fraud in most circumstances, it is usually done to mislead investors from the true company or fund performance.

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 20TH NOV 2017

REVIEWED 18TH SEPTEMBER 2020

Why a sense of humor is an essential life skill

Why a sense of humor is an essential life skill

Matt Davis–16 Apr 2019

Studies have shown that a sense of humor can improve your mental and physical health, boost your attractiveness, and improve your leadership skills.

There are a variety of theories and styles of humor, each of which can improve your understanding of the subject.

Humor may be a critical life skill, but can it be taught?

Mark Twain said that “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” He’s certainly not wrong. Humor may very well be the great thing. It touches upon nearly every facet of life—90% of men and 81% of women report that a sense of humor is the most important quality in a partner, it’s a crucial quality for leaders, and it’s even been shown to improve cancer treatments. There’s no doubt that humor is a life skill that everybody needs. But how do we define humor, and can it be taught?

What is humor?

The best way to kill a joke is to explain it, but psychologists have tried to do so anyhow. There are three main theories on what humor is and where it comes from. Relief theory argues that laughter and humor are ways of blowing off psychological steam, a way to release psychic energy. That’s why jokes told at funerals are often met not with the silence that a somber occasion like that would merit but with uproarious laughter instead.

Superiority theory was originally formulated by Plato and Aristotle to explain a specific kind of humor: why we laugh at other’s misfortunes. In this theory, humor is a means of declaring one’s superiority over others. If you’re looking to cultivate a sense of humor to improve your leadership skills, this is not the kind you want to acquire.

Incongruity theory argues that humor arises when two contrasting, distinct ideas are mingled. Humor often subverts expectations, and punchlines are often the result of an unexpected reversal. Consider Oscar Wilde’s “Work is the curse of the drinking classes” — it’s funny because it both reverses a common phrase and because it subverts a more conventional way of looking at the world. (Admittedly, this dry explanation probably doesn’t make it seem funny in the slightest right now.)

What are the benefits of a sense of humor?

Being funny is possibly one of the best things you can do for your health. You can almost think of a sense of humor as your mind’s immune system. People at risk for depression tend to fall into depressive episodes when exposed to some kind of negative stimuli, and afterwards, it becomes easier and easier for them to relapse into depression. However, reframing a negative event in a humorous light acts as a kind of emotional filter, preventing the negativity from triggering a depressive episode.

Humor doesn’t just guard against depression. It also improves people’s overall quality of life. Researchers have found that people who score highly in certain types of humor have better self-esteem, more positive affect, greater self-competency, more control over anxiety, and better performance in social interactions. Not all kinds of humor are made equal, however. In the same study, the researchers identified four types of humor: affiliative humor, or humor designed to strengthen social bonds; self-enhancing humor, which is akin to having a humorous view of life in general; aggressive humor, such as mocking others; and self-defeating humor, in which an individual encourages jokes that have themselves as the target or self-deprecate.

The positive contributions mentioned above only occurred when individuals scored highly in affiliative and self-enhancing humor, while aggressive and self-defeating humor was associated with poorer overall well-being and higher anxiety and depression. So, when cultivating your sense of humor, it’s important to strive for the right kind — besides, it’s a crummy thing to make fun of others anyhow.

In addition to working as a mental immune system, research has shown that humor can actually improve your physical immune system. Laughter can also improve cardiovascular health and lowers heart rates, blood pressure, and muscular tension.

Aside from improving your health, laughter can be a productivity tool as well. A study from Northeastern University found that volunteers who watched a comedy were measurably better at solving a word association puzzle that relied on creative thinking as compared to control groups that watched horror films or quantum physics lectures. This is because laughter lights up the anterior cingulate cortex, an area of the brain associated with attention and decision-making. Another study measured people’s performance on a brainstorming task and found that participants who were asked to come up with a New Yorker-style caption generated 20% more ideas than those who did not.

Can humor be taught?

The benefits of a good sense of humor are so profound that colleges like Stanford are offering business courses on humor in the workplace with the goal of teaching “the power (and importance) of humor to make and scale positive change in the world, and also – surprise! – to achieve business objectives, build more effective and innovative organizations, cultivate stronger bonds, and capture more lasting memories.”

Every human has an innate sense of humor, of course, but it’s pretty evident that not everybody has a good sense of humor. Learning about theories of humor, while interesting and insightful, don’t guarantee that one’s ability to deliver a punchline will improve in any measurable degree. It would be distressing to learn about humor’s many benefits only to discover that it’s an entirely a product of genetics. There certainly seems to be some genetic component, at least; researchers have linked a sense of humor to certain variants of the 5-HTTLPR gene. Fortunately, psychologists are divided about whether humor is an innate or learnable trait. There’s no such thing as a completely humorless individual — comedy is a fundamental part of human nature. In the past, we believed that only some cultures developed humor, but this belief has changed, as no culture has ever been found that was devoid of laughter and comedy. So, if you want to improve your sense of humor, trying to look on the funny side of life won’t hurt. The worst case scenario is that you’ll laugh a little more.

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 15TH SEPTEMBER 2020

LINK:

https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2019/04/why-humor-is-an-essential-life-skill/

SOME MORE LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES..

SOME MORE LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES..

From my old collection of 2006 ie 14 years ago…ENJOY..

1. GOOSEY, GOOSEY GANDER

GOOSEY GOOSEY MY FAMILY’S PET GANDER,

UPSTAIRS AND DOWNSTAIRS IT WOULD WANDER.

HE MET A BOY ON THE STAIRS

HE WOULD NOT SAY HIS PRAYERS,

HE’S NOW CHANGED HIS NAME, HE’S CASSANDRA!!

2. MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

MARY’S PET WAS A LAMB THAT WAS WHITE.

IT WAS WITH HER ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.

IT WENT WITH HER TO SCHOOL

WHERE IT WAS GOOD AS A RULE,

THE CHILDREN LIKED THIS UNUSUAL SIGHT.

3. SING A SONG OF SIXPENCE

THE KING LOOKED AT THE PIE IN THE DISH,

WAS IT MEAT? WAS IT FRUIT? WAS IT FISH?

WHEN HE PUT IN THE KNIFE

HE HAD THE SHOCK OF HIS LIFE,

BLACKBIRDS FLEW OUT OF THE QUICHE!

HE WENT TO HIS DEN TO COUNT MONEY,

THE QUEEN STAYED TO EAT SOME BREAD AND HONEY.

THE MAID HANGING OUT CLOTHES

WAS PECKED ON HER NOSE

AND SAID “I DON’T THINK THAT WAS FUNNY”

4. HUMPTY DUMPTY

HUMPTY DUMPTY FELL OFF A HIGH WALL,

BUILT EGG-SHAPED HE SURVIVED NOT THE FALL.

THE KING SENT HIM MANY MEN

TO MAKE HIM ONE PIECE AGAIN,

BUT HE WAS TOO MANY PIECES TOO SMALL!!

5. HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE

THE BROWN COW JUMPED OVER THE MOON,

THE CAT ON HIS FIDDLE PROVIDED THE TUNE.

THE DOG THOUGHT IT SO FUNNY

HE TRIPPED OVER A BUNNY,

THEN THE CAT ELOPED WITH A LARGE SPOON!!

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 26THJUNE 2020

LINK:

https://arthurslimericks.com/nursery/a.htm

5 MORE LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES.

5 MORE LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES.

From my old collection of 2006 ie 14 years ago…ENJOY…

1. THREE BLIND MICE

HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE TALE OF 3 MICE,

IT’S A TALE I SHALL TELL, THOUGH NOT NICE.

A WIFE WITH A KNIFE

NEARLY COST THEM THEIR LIFE,

THEY WOULD NOT TAKE THEIR PARENTS’ ADVICE

2. HICKORY DICKORY DOCK

THE MOUSE RAN UP THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK,

HE DID NOT EVEN BOTHER TO KNOCK.

THE CLOCK STRUCK WITH A “B O N G”

HIS HEARING WENT WRONG,

HE SUFFERED A TERRIBLE SHOCK!!

3. LITTLE JACK HORNER

A FAT LITTLE BOY NAMED JACK HORNER,

SAT EATING A PIE IN THE CORNER.

WHEN HE PUT IN HIS THUMB

AND BROUGHT OUT A PLUM,

HE SAID “AFTER THIS, I’LL NEED A SAUNA”.

4. THE QUEEN OF HEARTS

THE QUEEN BAKED A TRAY OF JAM TARTS,

THEY WERE STOLEN BY THE KNAVE OF HEARTS.

ON HIS WAY TO HIS SCHOOL

HE SAW THEM GETTING COOL,

HE LEFT NOT THE SMALLEST OF PARTS!!

5. BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP

BAA BAA, A SHEEP WITH LOTS OF BLACK WOOL,

WAS ASKED IF HE HAD MANY BAGS FULL.

HE SAID “I HAVE THREE,

TWO FOR THE BOSS, ONE FOR ME,

I GIVE THAT TO A POOR BOY AT SCHOOL”

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 25TH JUNE 2020

LINK: https://arthurslimericks.com/nursery/a.htm

Category: Humour, Nature  One Comment

ARTHUR’S LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES..

ARTHUR’S LIMERICKS ON NURSERY RHYMES..

From my old collection of 2006 ie 14 years ago…ENJOY…

1. JACK SPRATT

JACK SPRATT WAS ALLERGIC TO FAT,

THERE ARE MANY AROUND JUST LIKE THAT.

BECAUSE OF THIS STATE

AND YET HAVE A CLEAN PLATE,

FAT WAS EATEN BY HIS WIFE, MRS. SPRATT.

2. LITTLE MISS MUFFET

I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT YOUNG MISS MUFFET,

EATING CURDS AND WHEY WHILE ON A TUFFET.

A LARGE SPIDER CAME DOWN

WHICH CAUSED HER TO FROWN

AND TO THINK SHOULD SHE / SHOULDN’T SHE SNUFF IT!!

3. THE GRAND OLD DUKE OF YORK

THE DUKE OF YORK WAS A LEADER OF MEN,

HE MARCHED THEM UPHILL AND THEN DOWN AGAIN.

HALF WAY UP ON THE CLIMB

THEY WERECOVERED IN GRIME,

THEY KNEW NOT FOR WHY, WHEREFORE OR WHEN!

4. OLD MOTHER HUBBARD

MOTHER HUBBARD LIVED ALONE WITH HER DOG,

WELL FED, HE WAS AS FAT AS A HOG.

THERE WAS A DOG’S CUPBOARD

USED BY MA HUBBARD,

BUT IT’S EMPTY NOW, NOT EVEN SOME GROG!!

5. DING DONG BELL

BELLS ARE RINGING, THE CAT’S IN THE WELL,

TOM GREEN PUSHED HIM IN, SAYING HE FELL!

JONNY STOUT HEARD HIM MEW,

WHAT ELSE COULD HE DO,

BUT GO IN, GET HIM OUT. WHAT A SMELL!!

COMPILED BY J S BROCA 24TH JUNE 2020

LINK:https://arthurslimericks.com/nursery/a.htm