Broca’s Doodle pad

Archive for the Category "Humour"

People who live in glass houses… Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Sep 02

People who live in glass houses….

Old proverb ..new versions

There is a famous proverb which goes thus :” People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”

What is the literal meaning of this proverb ? This is actually a warning against hypocrisy. Before you go accusing someone of some wrong doing, make sure that you are not guilty as well because your accusation could come back and get you.

Now you will wonder why this question today ? Well yesterday I saw the old movie “Waqt” (1965) The famous actor Raj Kumar had a lovely role in it.The senior readers like me, must be aware that Raj Kumar had a unique style of dialogue delivery; very stylish in his own way and unmatchable which went on to become his trademark. Apart from his unique style of dialogue delivery, he was known for his show or scene stealing abilities. He has delivered some of very few memorable and famous dialogues in Bollywood. He is no more with us but will always be remembered for his roles and his deep voice.

Now, if you recall, one of Raj Kumar’s famous dialogue from the movie was :” Chinoy Seth..Jinke apne ghar sheeshe ke hon woh doosron par paththar nahi phenka karte..”

I tried to put the above dialogue in a proper form :“Chinoy Seth,sheeshey key gharon mein rehne waaley doosron par paththar nahin fenka kartey…”

This set me thinking as to whether our perceptions change over a period of time.(It is now 45 years since that “Waqt” dialogue first became a rage)

I asked some of my friends to come out with better and funnier versions. Here are some of their responses :

1. People who live in glass houses should not throw parties !

2. People who live in glass houses must dress in the basement !

3. Glass breaks very easily. So they should make houses from plexiglass. People who live in plexi glass houses, will probably get away with throwing stones to their heart’s content.

4. A glass house may be beautiful to live in, but there are other transparent materials that are stronger than glass.

5. A song from a Hindi movie goes thus :

“Sheesha ho ya dil ho, Aakhir toot jaata hai !

Lab tak aate aate haathon sey sagar chchoot jaata hai !

Sheesha ho ya dil ho, Aakhir toot jaata hai ! “

So it is clear that people should not live in glass houses.

6. The way it was explained to me by my late father, this means, don’t go throwing stones at other people’s houses ,because if they retaliate in kind, your house will be very easily destroyed too. The non-literal meaning, is that whatever you use against other people can easily be used against you, so be careful how you treat others in order to avoid consequences.

Dear readers, I would love to have your take on this proverb-and the funnier, the better !

By the way, Raj Kumar’s other famous dialogue from “Waqt” was :”Yeh bachchon ke khelney kee cheez nahin,haath katt jaayey tau khoon bhi nikal aata hai.”

I hope you remember what he was referring to when he said :”Yeh” ? A knife. But more of that- later!

E..n..j..o..y…

Category: Humour, Social Commentry | 2 Comments

My favourite funny poem… Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Aug 25

My favourite funny poem

I have already mentioned earlier on this forum about my love for funny poems and limericks etc.Sometime in 1991-1992,when I was posted in my bank’s Zonal Office in Chandigarh,I used to find some time to visit the famous T S Central Library located nearby in Sector-17.My search for limericks and funny poetry had continued un-abated since 1967 and onwards.Whenever I happened to come across such stuff,I used to note it down on a piece of paper and later copy it neatly in an exercise note book. I still have some note books preserved from that era.

Gradually,I fell in love with EDWARD LEAR ( Born 12th May 1812,Died 29th Jan 1888) a writer,who popularized limericks & nonsense poetry.Incidentally, his birthday is now celebrated as ” Limerick Day”.

Sometime in 1867 (133 years ago) his famous piece of nonsense titled “The Owl and The Pussy Cat” was published.It was reportedly written to regale the children of his patron.Among his other famous works were :” A Book of Nonsense ” (1846) and “The History of the Seven Families of Lake Pipple-Popple” (1865)

When I read the poem “The Owl and the Pussy Cat” for the first time,I was fascinated by Lear’s simple words,musical setting and the use of certain words-both real and imaginary to carry the readers into the realm of fantasy and pure unadulterated mirth.

Even after almost 20 years since I first read it, it remains etched in my memory.I have read it umpteen number of times and every time it makes me smile and forget the problems of my daily life.Truly,the humour of Lear’s poems has proved to be irrefutably timeless.

So, my dear Readers,even if you have heard of it or read it earlier,I cannot refrain from posting the poem in its entirety from my collection.Perhaps,today’s younger generation of budding poets and poetesses may get inspired to write such funny poems to tickle the readers who like their daily peg of humour undiluted.

The Owl and the Pussycat

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
‘O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are !’

Pussy said to the Owl, ‘You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?’
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

‘Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?’ Said the Piggy, ‘I will.’
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

E…N…J…O…Y….!!

Category: Humour, Nostalgia, Social Commentry | 5 Comments

Santo’s cookery diary… Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Aug 17

Santo’s Cookery Diary

I hope most of the readers are aware of some famous and lovable cartoon characters like Santa,Banta,Santo ( Santa’s better half) and Banto ( Banta’s equally better half ) etc.

I believe that there are two categories of women.One category of women is who don’t know how to cook but will cook.The other of course is the category: who know how to cook but won’t ever cook !

Read this piece and decide for yourself as to which category our Santo belongs !

Long ago I had read an article about a dumb blonde (incidentally, all blondes are said to be dumb !) ( Dumb-for the un-iniated,means five feet barometer with vacuum at the top,and not those who can’t speak !) The blonde always tried to cook but she was always a natural disaster.

The same analogy has been punjabi-cised here ( if I can use that word !)

Here is what Santo scribbled in her diary (which was stealthily discovered from her kitchen cabinet by my friendly neighbourhood detective who has a fine nose for punjabi kitchen flavours as well as good detecting abilities !)

Monday:
It’s fun to cook for Santa. Today I made an angel cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbours-Channo,Shanno,Jeeto and Preeto-all were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday:
Santa wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a surprise you know, when Santa brought Banta,a friend of his,home for supper !!

Wednesday:
A good day for a rice dish. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed a bit silly but,I took a leisurely bath. I can’t say it improved the rice to any extent.

Thursday:
Today Santa asked for vegetable salad.I tried a new recipe today. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.I followed the recipe but when Santa came home a bit early he caught me in the act of tossing.That is what led Santa asking me why I was rolling around in the garden !.

Friday:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday:
Santa did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday.For some reason Santa keeps counting to ten.

Sunday:
Santa’s folks were coming to dinner. I wanted to serve a roast. All I could find was a burger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the burger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out a burger, much to my disappointment.

Good Night Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Santa. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a Chocolate Moose.See you next week same place same time.Happy cooking till then !

Category: Humour, People, Social Commentry | 3 Comments

Meeting of like minds… Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Aug 08

Meeting of like minds…..

Last week,I happened to meet some of my old friends after a long time, at a social function.After finishing our delicious dinner,thanks to our host, we shared some of our funny couplets with each other.

Here are three samples to tickle you :

1.Ghalib’s date is late….

Ghalib nein girlfriend ko date par bulaya

Woh late ho gayi.

Uss nein poochcha : Am I late ?

Ghalib replied :

Falak pey chaand sitaaron

Ko bhi neend aa rahi hai

Doosri girlfriend kaa time ho gaya hai,

Aur tu abb aa rahi hai ?

2. Ameer Gareeb ….

Aye dost, tum bhi ajeeb ho,

Mere dill key kitney kareeb ho.

Naan miltey ho,naan SMS kartey ho ,

Kya tum mujh sey bhi zyaada gareeb ho ?

3. What a Biryaani,Sir Ji !

Hausley saarey aazmaa baithey,

Hum zamaaney key gamm uththa baithey,

Jiss ki chahat mein ummar bharr tadpey,

Uss ki shaadi ki biryaani khaa baithey !

Here are my efforts at passable translations of above couplets

for the benefit of those who have difficulty in understanding Hindi :

1. Ghalib the famous poet ,

Had called his girlfriend on a date.

It so happened by chance

That she came very late.

When she asked Ghalib,

If she was really late-

The poet gave her a smile

And thus informed his date-

The moon and the stars too are

Feeling sleepy in the sky-

Its almost time for arrival

Of my next girlfriend-

And you come now,

Without explaining why ?

2. Oh my friend,so dear,

You really are very queer.

You and me are supposed

To be-dear and very near.

But, I wonder why you

Neither ever come

And meet me, my friend

Nor ever send me

An SMS dear.

I think I am a poor guy,

But you seem to be

Even poorer than me

I fear,my dear !

3. Patiently I had made valiant efforts

But had suffered from all the

Worries of this world.

I had felt the pangs of separation

Since a long long time

From my beloved.

But my pangs of hunger

All my emotions,overtook-

When I enjoyed a plateful of

My favourite biryaani

In a wedding treat.

But had later came to know

Sadly, that it was my

Beloved’s marriage feast !

Keep smiling…..

Category: Humour, People, Social Commentry | 2 Comments

Smile 2 Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Aug 04

Smile 2

The year 2011 is going to be the year of sequels in Bollywood with as many as five blockbusters getting ready with the next instalment of their stories-Race 2,Dhoom 3,Wanted 2,Partner 2 and Don 2.

So,I too thought of trying my hand at posting a sequel to my opinion titled “Smile” posted on this forum on 2nd August 2010 !

I wondered as to what should be the content of this sequel.The eureka moment came soon. While having a leisurely bath this morning,I tried out different types of smiles in front of the mirror. How many types of smiles could I manage ? I will let you in to that magical number in a short while.

The trigger to this post also came from this morning’s article in a newspaper.It was about getting a smile makeover through cosmetic surgery.It was written by a doctor . ( a Doctor Kakar ) I thought –have we come to this now ? Man (and woman) wants to improve upon and enhance this natural God given feature ! God gave it to us free but these surgeons charge heavily and smile all the way to their banks ! Here is the article copy pasted from the paper’s website :

Quote :

Does your smile lack brilliance? Do you feel the need to create an unforgettable first impression — whether at job interviews, business meetings or social interactions — it’s time you considered a smile makeover. A smile makeover is a dental, facial or cosmetic treatment to improve the feature that mars your smile, be it the condition, shape, plane or colour of your teeth, the alignment of your jaw, your tooth structure or the condition of your gums and teeth as a unit.

All these can be treated using teeth whitening methods to brighten stained teeth; using braces to straighten crooked teeth; or fixing porcelain veneers to give your teeth their natural white shape and to repair damaged teeth. Cosmetic bonding or porcelain crowns can restore chipped and broken teeth, dental implants or bridges can replace missing ones, and laminate veneers can treat discoloured teeth or gaps or orthodontic alignment of crooked teeth.

Teeth apart, laser gum contouring can remove excess gum that make your teeth look small and give you a gummy smile. And derma fillers and botox can be used to reduce wrinkles around your lips from aging or injury.

What you need can only be decided after a dentist examines you. You must ask for procedures needed specifically to uplift and enhance your smile and give you a confident appearance.

The procedures are no more painful than a regular visit to a dentist. For some procedures, a local anaesthetic is needed to numb the tooth and gum. People anxious at the thought of getting a dental procedure done can always request for relaxation options.

The cost of a smile varies depending on what needs to be done for you specifically. A minimal case would be whitening and contouring. The most extensive case would require porcelain restorations on every tooth, which can cost a lot.

So the cost could vary between Rs 2,000 for a simple gum-contouring to Rs 8,000 to Rs 12,000 for laminate veneers per tooth.

Unquote.

So the obvious topic for this posting is “Types of Smiles”.I did a little research,talked to a few of my friends and students and here iswhat I could gather :

It appears that basically there are 4 types of smiles:

Sad,Happy,Sarcastic and Genuine.

Wikipedia has a few pages devoted to this topic.Those interested in doing a PhD in Gelotology-may read it !

A super model named Tyra Banks reportedly has 275 different types of smiles in her sexy armoury,I understand. Wow ! Sheer volume of smiles !

I think that with different permutations and combinations of poses involving various contortions.foldings, unfoldings etc of lips,eyes and facial muscles,one could perhaps manage a decent and respectable number of smiles.

However,275 seems too far fetcched.For Tyra,each different pose and smile would mint her thousands of dollars.She already has the word “Banks” as a part of her name so why should not she bank on this number ?

Coming back from Tyra’s lip locking records,I next came to know from a research article that someone had identified at least 17 different types of smiles.

A reasonably acceptable figure I think.

These types are :
1.Anxiety,
2.Embarassment,
3.Sweet,
4.Happy,
5.Thoughtful,
6.I-Know-it-all,
7. I-am-the-boss,
8.I-am-Lucky,
9.Amused,
10.Naughty,
11.Satisfied,
12.Contented,
13.Confident,
14.Proud,
15.Depressed,
16.Tired,
17.Surprised

Practitioners of this art,may like to add some more types: Sexy,Come-hither,Shy,Plastic,

Cosmetic,Tight-lipped,Compulsive,

Friendly,Likable,Artificial,Triumphant,Million-Dollar…..etc etc.

I will now leave you to think of various types of smiles and may be you will practice some of them next time,when you want to add some more to my list.Go to the nearest mirror and ask :”Mirror,morror on the wall,isn’t my smile,the best of all ?”

Say “Cheese” to that !!

PS:I could manage 13 types of smiles.Lucky,or unlucky ? You bet !

Category: Humour, Ideas, Social Commentry | One Comment

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