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Brinjal fest… Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Feb 08

I read a small news item recently :

Brinjal fest

Business Standard February 3, 2010

“The poor who are getting hit by rising vegetable prices may get a respite, thanks to the anti-Bt brinjal lobby. At some point, it’s not clear when exactly, Greenpeace activists plan to make the world’s biggest baingan ka bharta (a brinjal dish) and feed it to Delhi’s poor and hungry — the idea, Greenpeace says, is to give Environment Minister Jairam Ramesh something to think about as he decides whether “he’ll allow corporations with American interests to genetically engineer India’s king of vegetables – the brinjal”. The reason for the delay, apparently, has been the fantastic response to the movement. According to Greenpeace’s website, the original target was to use 10,000 brinjals but, given the response, the new target is to use 20,000 brinjals to prepare the dish. So, if you’re poor and hungry, and live in the Capital, don’t lose heart.”

This funnily reminds me of Shakespeare’s famous quote from Hamlet : ” To Be Or Not To Be ….”

I would simply put the topic under discussion as :

” To Bt or not to Bt…?”

The first part of this famous soliloquy goes like this:

( My interpretation in light of the topic under discussion is given in brackets below each line)

To be or not to be – that is the question:

(To introduce Bt Brinjal or not -that is the question !)

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer

( Should we continue to suffer from the high cost of veggies ? )

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

( Should we allow MNCs to make mega-bucks from this?)

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles

( Should we take up the matter regarding the likely adverse health effects of genetically modified foods on human beings ?)

And, by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep.

( I feel there are other many more serious problems that affect mankind’s life, which need to be taken up, instead of this fight over the humble brinjal )

Your take on this issue……?

Category: Comments to print media, Humour, Social Commentry | 3 Comments

I LOVE MY INDIA…. Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Feb 02

I loved the following piece :

60 reasons to love India.

By Kushalrani Gulab–

HT Brunch 24th Jan 2010

1. Our ability to adapt other cuisines to our tastes:

Hot and Sour Chinese soup has desi tadka. Sandwiches aren’t thinly sliced and lightly buttered slices of bread with slivers of cucumber. We add green chutney and sliced aloo and beetroot. We invented Chicken and Veg Manchurian, developed Udipi pizzas, concocted onion omelettes, created veg kheema, de-Japanesed Japanese food by cooking up gajjar-ka-sushi, and now are well on the way to Indianising the seafood diet of penguins in Antarctica just in case that becomes the hot new phoren cuisine of 2010.

2.Faith and spirituality:

Tell someone you don’t believe in God. Go on. You’ll find yourself arguing so vehemently to make your case that you could well be accused of having a severe case of faith – faith in no God in this case. Because that’s what we do – believe. Hard. With passion. In anything we want to believe. Which is why practically every faith known to God is right here in India, and we’re not above inventing several more if we think we haven’t enough.

3.The way we are so flexible:

Checked anyone’s filofax lately? Know anyone who has a filofax? We may set off in the morning expecting to follow a strict schedule of assignments and appointments, but we are always happy to chuck all our plans at a moment’s notice, particularly if the alternative involves partying.

4.Our many and varied stories:

Our history goes back 5,000 years – and so do our epics that contain every emotion, possibility and philosophy that humans have ever managed to come up with. Not to mention a frightening amount of maths, if we’re considering the ages that make up the four yugas. Add to that the epics of Islam and Christianity, local folk traditions and tales that simply emerge from our fertile brains, and we’re wondering why our TV channels need to import bad reality shows from phoren and inflict them on us.

5.Chai:

It’s raining. We need chai. It’s cold. We need chai. It’s hot and sweaty and miserable. We need chai. Yes chai, not tea. The over-boiled, over-milked and over-sweetened stuff that could rot our teeth and turn our insides into shoe leather, yet never fails to put life back into our tired frames. Then there’s also tea. Darjeeling, Assam, Nilgiri, Kangra… Mmmm, the fragrance.

6.Monsoon mania:

Who needs marijuana or Ecstasy? The monsoon is what we get high on. After a long summer spent gazing up at the sky through a magnifying glass looking for the merest hint of a cloud (and in imminent danger of setting our eyebrows on fire), we see the sky begin to darken, then the first drops of rain hit the earth, then we breathe deep and our nostrils fill with the delicious scent of wet earth… and then we complain bitterly about floods.

7.Weddings and family occasions:

Our weddings are attended by family, relatives, friends, past and present neighbours, people who invited you to their or their siblings’ weddings, past and present colleagues, random strangers because we had 300 wedding cards extra and didn’t want to waste them, plus gatecrashers – a guestlist so long it rivals the population of the whole of Africa. If however, our homes are filled with the population of only one small country, like Bangladesh, we’re just having a family dinner.

8.Bollywood jhatkas:

Hips swirl in one direction while the torso twists in another and the shoulders go somewhere else entirely even as the head moves so violently, it could spin off the neck entirely. We’d make excellent weather vanes, only no one would know where the wind was actually coming from.

9.Autos:

Germany had its cute little Volkswagen Beetle, we have our cute little autos – three-wheelers packed with hi-tech music systems and disco lights that would put nightclubs to shame, which trundle up and down roads as their drivers overcharge everyone in sight, including themselves by mistake.

10.Bargaining:

Worry about being cheated, who us? It’s the people we’re buying from who are tense. That’s because we don’t see bargaining only as a legitimate means of lowering prices. We see it as a sport. So we will not move an inch from the thelawalla even if the sun is blazing down at 53 degrees. We want that 30 paise off our kilo of apples and that is that.

11.Desi hospitality:

Atithi devo bhava… and we will be devo-ed till our stomachs burst. (Perhaps because our hosts bargained so hard with the thelawalla that the apples were practically free?) When we step into anyone’s house we are fed, watered and pampered so much, we’d never believe there was a single nasty person on this planet. The only difficulty is getting away – if they could, our hosts would adopt us on the spot.

12.Tel maalish:

Even as we read the stories by our lifestyle journalists on the joys of spa massages, we are getting our hair cut in full anticipation of the head massage that will follow. It’s hard to fathom why the phoren people get so excited about massages. Haven’t we been tel-maalished from the second we were born?

13.We’re child-friendly:

Aside from the fact that we love children so much that we’re soon going to produce enough to populate the entire world, everything in our lives is geared towards their happiness. So much so that our parents never want us to leave home.

14.So many newspapers and magazines:

Whatever the rest of the world may think about reading, we have so much respect for knowledge that many of us literally worship our books (i.e., take them to temples to be blessed, instead of actually opening them). This may explain why new newspapers and magazines are constantly being launched even as marketing people complain that nobody reads any more.

15.We survived the recession:

That’s because even though we are clambering up the conspicuous consumption ladder just like those phoren people who drove their economies to the brink of extinction, unlike them we have a culture of caution and saving that pulled us through when entire countries had to declare bankruptcy. That’s why. Our stash of black money certainly had nothing to do with it.

16.We’re a democracy, thank God!:

You say, I say, she says… we all can say. And many of us do say – very, very loudly. Ideas and arguments are alive and though some of us (call them Party A) feel a great desire to clonk some others (call them Party B) over the head for having foolish opinions, we’re lucky because still others (call them Party C) are just as thrilled by the idea of clonking some of us (Party A) over the head for their ideas, as meanwhile, Party D lurks about, thinking hard thoughts about Party C. So a balance is maintained at all times.

17.We’re miserly and extravagant at the same time:

We spend approximately the amount required for a new house on a new handbag, but we turn purple with rage and start throwing things about (though not our new handbag) when the auto driver suggests Rs 25 as a fair fare.

18.Raddiwalas:

When those phoren people start making noises about our carbon credits – ours, for heaven’s sake, when we are the most frugal people on this planet always trying to save 10 paise here and 20 paise there, never mind that there are actually no coins in those denominations any more – we can tell them that we are green without even trying because ours is a country where recycling has always been a business, thanks to the raddiwalla.

19.Jugaad:

Nothing in India need only be what it was originally meant to be. A motorcycle can be attached to a cart and become a bael-gaadi, a tangle of wires could become a satellite dish, and when prissy parents refuse to serve alcohol at weddings, the boot of a car is a bar.

20.The sheer number of holidays:

There’s a New Year’s Day practically every month, not to mention some festival or the other courtesy one community or the other. And if we don’t take the holiday, we are nasty exclusionists who do not believe in unity in diversity. So there is a minimum of three holidays every month not counting weekends and if we live in Kolkata, we also have bandhs.

21.Our values are still (mostly) intact:

Family – check (see the millions who turn up for our weddings). Friends – check (see movies like 3 Idiots). Frugality – check (ask the thelawalla if you need proof). Hospitality – check (look at the size of our stomachs and we haven’t been home for weeks). Modesty – uh oh. What’s that we keep telling ourselves about Asian tigers?

22.Our patriotic songs:

They can be truly heart-rending. Just the first few bars of Saare Jahaan Se Achcha can make us weep – and not only because our neighbour sings it so badly that we’re convinced she’s a Pakistani terrorist. And they are also so rousing that it takes just one hearing of Hum Hindustani to make us grab anything at home that might serve as a weapon and queue up at the Defence HQ, ready to sign up for the Army.

23.Amazing diversity of food taboos:

We have vegetarians who won’t touch anything that once had the potential to move (though we don’t understand this too well – don’t palak leaves flutter in the breeze?), we have vegetarians who will eat all vegetables but won’t touch garlic or onion, we have eggetarians who will only eat vegetables and eggs, we have chickenatarians who only eat vegetables and chicken but not eggs, we have fishitarians who will not touch dairy with a bargepole and non-vegetarians who think green veggies are a form of mould. We have so many people with so many dietary problems that it’s a wonder we get to eat anything at all.

24.Amazing diversity of food:

Food taboos, shood taboos! When we set off for school or the office clutching our tiffin boxes, we know very well we’re not going to eat anything that’s in them. Because the second it’s time for lunch, tiffins are exchanged for what our classmates or colleagues have brought. Which is why, in one day, we could find we have eaten anything from akoori (Parsi) to aloo poshto (Bengal), to sai bhaji (Sindh), to bisi bele bhaath (Karnataka), to aloo-bhaji (UP), to tandoori chicken (Punjabi), to biryani (Muslim) to de-Japanesed Japanese like gajjar-ka-sushi (wholly Indian, mera Bharat mahaan).

25.Amazing diversity of us!:

For a people who have so much in common, we come from a wide variety of races. Across the world, we are mistaken for Chinese (anyone from the North-East), Caucasian (Parsis and Sindhis), Italian and Spanish (Goan people, especially with curly hair)… You name it, we’ve got the gene.

26.Amazing belief that anything worthwhile could have originated only in india:

We don’t care what anyone says about Africa being the cradle of civilisation, we know for a fact that we invented everything in the world – including the world’s genes, so there! We’re responsible for shampoo (champi), bungalow (bangla), thug (thugee), chicken tikka masala… Err… Well, we’re responsible for the chicken tikka and the masala and since the combination is so ghastly, we’re fine if the Brits take the credit for that.

27.We’re a nation of ideas:

Tired of the sheer boringness of branded shoes? Someone will paint your keds for you. Want a poem for a loved one but can’t rhyme anything but moon and loon? Call the poet-for-hire. Ordered 3,00,000 wedding cards and find you actually know only 2,50,000 potential invitees for the wedding (oh, the shame of it)? Call the rent-a-baraati company in Ambala. We are short of many things in our lives, but we’ll never run out of ideas.

28.Our wealth of healing plants:

If there’s one tree we cannot do without, it’s neem – and it’s here. It takes care of almost every ailment known to human and animal kind – and it gets rid of pests. Then there’s haldi, there’s cloves, we even have soap growing on trees, there are a host of plants that are ours – and if phoren people use their convoluted legal language to patent these and take them away from us, we’re going to sing Hum Hindustani, pick up our frying pans and clonk them over their heads.

29.Singing:

What do you get when two of us, even if we’re perfect strangers or deadly enemies, are hanging around with nothing to do? A sing-song, that’s what. Because we luuurrrve singing. We sing everywhere and anywhere, we have contests for bathroom singers and enormous national-level singing contests called antakshari – whether we can actually sing or not.

30.Indian English:

So here we are, writing in the phoren language our one-time colonisers bequeathed to us, and here you are, reading it. But let’s not get all chauvinistic about this. Because just as we have de-Japanesed Japanese food and come up with gajjar-ka-sushi, we have de-Englished the English language and now only speak Indian. Indian is only superficially English. That’s because we translate phrases directly from our local languages into Indian so it’s no wonder that at times we feel there’s someone eating our heads. And if we’re in too much of a hurry to translate anything, we just bung in words from all over the place, so there are five separate languages in a single sentence. And come to think of it, do we really need that poet-for-hire? Don’t we rhyme-shyme everything in sight-shight all the time-shime?

31.Yoga:

While the phoren people are doing horrible things to their abs with sit-ups and crunches, we are standing on one hand with one leg wrapped around our heads, experiencing an inner, spiritual glow, because – aha! Yoga isn’t just a workout for the body, it’s also a workout for the mind and soul.

32.We’re a hardworking bunch:

(Except at our government offices.) Out there in the West, everything shuts at 7 pm, so if you need bread or a life, you have to go to an Indian shop. Here, you lose your key at 2 am and the chabiwalla is by your side at 2.03 am.

33.Mahtama Gandhi:

One frail old man took on an entire imperial empire. And he did it in such an inspired manner – non-violent non-cooperation, brilliant! – that we’re still seen as the most moral country on the planet.

34.Thelawallas selling cut cucumber, peanuts, chuski, bhel etc:

Because as we all know, food provides fuel and without fuel we can’t function, so never mind the tiffin boxes from home, if we don’t have a small snack every 20 minutes or so, we will simply collapse in a heap.

35.Mangoes:

Mumbaikars will kill for Alphonso. Northerners swear by Dussheri and Langda. The ones down Vindhya way will die for Begum Palli. Goans will eat any mangoes that ripen in their backyards. There are also Rajapuri, Kesar and a hundred other varieties of this best of our summer fruits. If, after all that, you don’t like mangoes, we might consider you anti-national.

36.Indian stretchable time:

What time do we need to report for work? 9.30 am? Ah, that explains why we phone the trade union when we arrive at the office at 1.30 pm and learn we’ve been docked half a day’s pay. Indian Stretchable Time is in a zone of its own – and no one can understand it but Indians.

37.Our child-like enthusiasm:

The Nano finally hits the roads? You can be sure that everyone on the road – including the world-traveller in his BMW will be tailing the Nano, just to look at it. We win the T-20 World Cup? Everyone will abandon work to line the streets to look at the team – everyone including the bosses.

38.Drinking water:

Everywhere else in the world, we’ve got to pay roughly the sum of a two-bedroom flat in Mumbai for a bottle of water, but in Indian restaurants, waiters will swoop down on you and refill your glass even if you take so much as a sip.

39.Domestic help:

By which we mean servants. One to cook the food. One to wash the dishes. One to sweep and swab the floor. One to dust. One to wash the clothes. One to clean the toilet. One to make chappatis. One to watch each baby. One to man the gate and run the errands. One driver per car. One to wash the cars. One to cut vegetables. One to massage the baby. One to water the plants. Why do we have so many? Since we obviously can’t complain about household chores, we’ve got to complain about something, no?

40.Indian Railways:

From Kashmir to Kanyakumari, Jhansi to Jhumritalaya, there are only a few places in the country we can’t reach by train. And while the journey is not always what we might call comfortable, we can’t deny that it presents us with a magnificent tableau of everything that makes India India.

41.The way mobiles have taken over everything:

Need veggies? Phone the veggie man. Burning desire for panipuri? Phone the chaatwalla. Practically no one in the country doesn’t have a mobile phone any more – even the beggars on the streets (and we do want to know how their phones are so much fancier than ours).

42.Superb scenery:

We’ve got ice deserts in Ladakh and actual deserts in Rajasthan. We’ve got the Himalayas – the highest mountains in the world! We have the Ghats on either side of our peninsula, islands, stunning beaches, the seas, the lakes, the jungles, the wildlife, the rivers, the waterfalls… we’ve got the whole planet, right here. Who needs a passport, for heaven’s sake? (Though, because it says Republic of India, we’re very proud of ours.)

43.BPO power:

We are not concerned ourselves about minor things like getting to work on time, but if people around the world need traffic movements for their commutes, they have to phone us. We’ve become so good at fixing their things from a distance, doing their homework from a distance and even reminding them about their anniversaries from a distance, we’re wondering how the world turns without us.

44.The riot of activity in every household every morning:

It’s chaos till 11 am – even if there are only two people in the house. People being dragged out of bed, people queuing for the loo, people rushing about looking for shoes, people eating breakfast on the run, the domestic help switching off fans and sweeping us literally off our feet – you’d imagine no one had ever woken up in the morning before.

45.Nothing is beyond repair:

When your computer man tells you that your machine has died, call the raddiwalla – if he can’t tell you how to fix it, he’ll certainly show you how to convert it to another purpose altogether. This is India. Nothing is ever so broken that it’ll never work again.

46.The way we have a name for every single person we may be even remotely related to:

Ma, baap, dada, dadi, nana, nani, taya, tayi, chacha, chachi, bua, phupha, mama, mami, beta, beti, potaa, naati, poti, naatin, behan, jija, bhanja, bhanji, bhai, bhabhi, bhatija, bhatiji, pati, patni, saas, sasur, damaad, bahu, jeth, jethani, nanad, nandoii, devar, devarani, saali, salaa, samdhan… And that’s only in Hindi. Need we say more?

47.Indian movies:

Bollywood, Tollywood, Mollywood, any wood – but the films that we make are definitely not Hollywood. Our films are our films – wherever in the country they’re made, in whatever language, there will be laughter, tears, songs, dances, action, family values, principles (and even principals) – all in three hours. Talk about paisa vasool.

48.The way we force MNCs to Indianise:

McDonald’s had to invent the McAloo Tikki, the Paneer Wrap and the chicken burger. Pepsi came up with Masala Lays. Coke never used celebrities in their ads abroad till they came here. Whatever the MNCs are famous for in phoren, when they’re here, they’ve got be us.

49.Our need for heroes:

We love people who achieve things – even if what they achieve is notoriety. Hey, as all PR people know, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

50.Galli sports:

Sports arenas, sphrorts arenas, who needs them when we have gallis, bits of crate and an aged tennis ball? While we hate it that our kids have little opportunity for organised sport, our kids calmly play on the streets – and then walk straight into international arenas.

51.Every occasion is a celebration:

Complete with cards, clothing, eating out opportunities, gifting options, holiday options – nothing is safe from this relentless need to party – including this. Happy Republic Day!

52.Mukhwaas:

You wouldn’t notice it in public, given how we have to skip lightly from garbage heap to garbage heap, but we like everything about us to be fresh. Which is why we’re such big fans of supari. We can’t avoid body odour, but we can eliminate bad breath.

53.Pet names:

In Bangkok, Tuk-Tuk is an autorickshaw. In Bengal, it is the name of a person. Or in Punjab, we could be called Sweety, Cutey, Happy, Jolly, Pinky or Frooti (just add Sneezy or Dopey and we’ve got the seven dwarves). Our parents take great pains to name us in such a way that we are ensured safe and happy lives – and the second our names are registered, they call us Goldie or Pappu.

54.We can stay with our parents for life:

Indian parents never, ever want their kids to leave home. So it doesn’t matter how old we are, we are at liberty to sail through the door at all hours every night, expect to be served, have our chores taken care of, pay almost no bills, and enjoy all the comforts of home. Because Indian parents never, ever want their kids to grow up.

55.Saris:

What’s sexy, modest, graceful, classic, cool, hot, well-ventilated and gorgeous all at the same time? One word: the sari.

56.The Republic Day parade:

It is the biggest national PR exercise ever, but we either long to be there or tune in on TV to see everything that makes our Bharat mahaan – our Armed forces, the different cultures of all our states, even cultural events that normally have us running screaming into the nearest cinema for a pop-culture fix. And at the end, we sing the national anthem and burst into tears.

57.The tiger and the peacock:

And the lion and the crocodile and the Ganges dolphin and the elephant and the rhino and the hornbill and every single creature of the natural world that makes our country so special.

58.Paanwallas:

Because it doesn’t matter what household need we run out of and when – need a toothbrush at 3 am? Go to the paanwalla.

59.Our wacky record holders:

We aim to have the longest hair, be the person who wrote the most letters to the editor, the man who can take the most kicks in the crotch (really). We are determined to be the first at anything wacko – and if we can’t achieve that, we are the nation that tried its hardest to be No. 1 in the Guinness Book of Records.

60.Just because:

We don’t need 60 reasons to love India. We just need one. It’s home. It’s saare jahaan se achcha.

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This is what I wrote in my letter in response to Brunch :

Dear Sir,

Kushalrani Gulab’s “60 Reasons to Love India ” ( Brunch January 24th 2010) was a delightful piece to tickle our funny bones and warm our cockles on a foggy Sunday morning !

I would like to add some of my reasons to her list :

1.The skillful “Chabi-walla” (usually a Sardarji) at cross- roads who makes you a dulpicate key for a small fee !

2. The “Queue-Breakers” at bus stops,railway stations etc indicating :” No queues please,we are Indians” !

3. The “Sifarish” (Recommendation) approach to jobs through our connections !

4. The vast array of Indian “Mithai” (sweet meat) we all love to feast on : laddu,peda, barfi, jalebi, ras malai, gajar halwa, mung daal halwa –indicating our sweet tooth and the reason for the common Indian dialogue:” Mere Ko Sugar hai ” (diabetes)

5. The “Hijdas” with their “Signature Clapping” who come on happy occasions in our family to demand their share of booty !

6. The “Nuisance-Value ” we add by spitting/urinating/belching/farting in public and public places !

7. The ” Mehndi” artists who adorn you with intricate mehndi designs on festivals and weddings !

8. The ” Mochi” (cobbler) at the street corner, who mends your shoe/chappal etc umpteen times till it is beyond repairs ! (Yes, these days a cobbler comes to your door step too !)

9. The work-shirker “Ghosts” who draw fat salaries from various Government Departments without doing an iota of work.

10. The ” Yellow Literature ” stalls on pavements that peddle stuff to whet the sex-appetite of select clientele !

Readers of Brunch will certainly add more to this list, I am sure, for :” we are like that only “! Lets say :” Mera Bharat Mahaan ” and “Jai Ho !” for these very reasons of our unique-ness !

- J S BROCA

- NEW DELHI

Alas ! This letter did not find place in the feedback page of next issue of Brunch,but I am happy that I had something to add and comment on !

Category: Comments to print media, People, Social Commentry | Leave a Comment

Tiger Woods and his mistresses… Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Feb 01

I read the following news item with a lot of interest for obvious reasons !

Tiger Woods’ ‘19th mistress’ revealed

TIMES OF INDIA 24 January 2010

LONDON: The number of women linked to Tiger Woods has hit 19 after a blonde British mum was claimed to be the latest among his secret mistresses.The married ace golfer reportedly paid 42-year-old Emma Rotherham, who has a daughter of 16 and another of 25, half a million dollars in exchange for her silence. “Emma was his most recent mistress. They had a very, very passionate relationship and she has dozens of text messages and emails from him. Some were even sent while Tiger was trying to patch things up with his wife Elin,” News of the World quoted a source close to Woods as saying. “If those came out they’d bury him. And as she lived near his Florida home in Isleworth she was always on call. They were at it all the time. Emma said Tiger was a great lover. But he never wore a condom, and she didn’t take any precautions. “The 500 grand has now bought Emma’s silence and she has signed a confidentiality agreement. She’s very happy and walking round with a big grin on her face – like the cat that got the cream,” the source added. The World No.1 was said to have checked into a rehabilitation centre for sexual addiction in Mississippi. Woods previously announced he was taking an indefinite break from professional golf after admitting infidelity following the scandal that linked him to as many as 18 mistresses.

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Wow ! 18……19…..or more.??…. still not revealed …..!!

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The news item made me compose the following lines on this funny and naughty (?) situation :

Tiger Tiger,the golfer bloke

Had a mistress for every hole !

You and me just can manage one,

This Woods guy,has all the fun !

Precise clockwork was his adulterous game

None of his mistresses knew another’s name !

He kept them separate,well oiled and heeled,

Till the rug was pulled from below his feet !

Now he is rightly under a cloud,

None of his kin,now feel so proud.

Oh ! Didn’t he play a very clever game ?

Yes,till he got caught–Oh ! What a shame !!

Category: Comments to print media, Humour, People | 6 Comments

Shah Rukh Khan on the moon… Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Jan 30

Following news item attracted my attention :

Star on Moon: Crater named after Shah Rukh Khan

TIMES OF INDIA

Srinivas Laxman, 25 January 2010

MUMBAI: Bollywood has finally made it to the moon. It is making its presence felt 4 lakh km away on the lunar surface in an area close to where the first men on the men, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, landed on July 20, 1969.

The International Lunar Geographic Society, a New York-based organization devoted to the study of the moon, has declared that a lunar crater in the moon’s Sea of Tranquillity has been christened after Shah Rukh Khan. This has been approved by the International Astronomical Union, which has a final say with regard to the naming of craters on the moon. The crater has been given the honorary designation as the Crater S R Khan on the occasion of Mr Khan’s 44th birthday” on November 2, 2009, the society said.

According to the society, the crater was named following a deluge of petitions from Shah Rukh’s admirers from India and around the world. Incidentally, one of his dedicated admirers has already presented him with a piece of the moon by buying him land there.

With a crater named after him, Shah Rukh now joins the ranks of eminent personalities like Nobel laureate C V Raman, father of the Indian space programme Vikram Sarabhai, father of the Indian nuclear programme Homi Bhabha and other luminaries like Meghnad Saha after whom craters have been named.

The decision has triggered a mixed response within the scientific community, with the father of the Indian moon mission Krishnaswamy Kasturirangan supporting it, but president of the National Space Society, Suresh Naik, describing it as “shocking”. In another vein, a young schoolgirl commented, “I think another crater on the moon should be named after Amitabh Bachchan, since he is also a great actor.”

Secretary of the Indian chapter of the Moon Society, Pradeep Mohandas, shared Kasturirangan’s view. “I think it is not a bad idea since it reflects the thinking of the new generation of young Indians,” he said.

Kasturirangan told TOI on Sunday from New Delhi that Shah Rukh is extremely popular and a symbol of national pride.

“I do see a rationale behind this decision. He is a kind of ambassador for India and this reflects the way India views him,” he said.

Shah Rukh’s link with the space programme goes back to May 2001, when the last man who stood on the surface of the moon, Eugene A Cernan, during a visit to Mumbai invited the actor to Nasa’s Johnson Space Centre in Houston, Texas. The actor sat in a model of the lunar vehicle which was brought over by Cernan. Shah Rukh acted in `Swades’, the bulk of which was shot in Nasa’s Kennedy Space Centre in Florida.

The S R Khan Crater is part of the Arago crater group, named for Francois Jean Dominique Arago, a Catalan-French mathematician, physicist, astronomer and politician who lived from 1786 to 1853. It is the largest of the main Arago crater’s four satellite craters and rests in the Sea of Tranquillity, directly south of the main crater.

————————————————–

There was another similar news item too :

My next film is ‘My Name is Chand’: SRK

25 Jan, 2010 TIMES OF INDIA

Actor Shah Rukh Khan isn’t only reigning the Earth. He seems to have made a place for himself on the moon as well, what with a Lunar crater being named after him. The International Lunar Geographic Society recently announced that a crater in the ‘Sea of Tranquility’ will be named after Bollywood star, Shah Rukh Khan.

“It’s absolutely thrilling and humbling at the same time,” said an elated Shah Rukh Khan about the honour.

The actor, who has reigned Bollywood since the last twenty years, says that this honour is more for India, and that he is glad that India makes its presence on the global map once again! “I am in a small way doing good service for my country. The fact that my name is chosen is because the world is looking at India and I happen to be a part of this wonderful land of opportunity,” he said.

It was decided and the society and the International Astronomical Union that the crater on the moon will be called Crater S R Khan, and the same was decided upon on SRK’s 44th birthday. While both SRK and his fans are thrilled by this decision, some experts and scientists haven’t taken too kindly to his honour being bestowed upon an actor. Some feel that the honour should in fact have been bestowed upon a scientist, or an expert in the field.

However, unperturbed by negative responses, SRK is on top of the world, literally speaking. “I came to Mumbai with stars in my eyes and Allah has granted me all and more. I am so happy that through the opportunity given to me by my fans, audience and the media platforms that I work with… So thanks to all those who suggested my name and to everyone who has made films with me. My kids are very excited and I know my parents would have been very proud. I’m already telling Karan to launch the next film called My Name Is Chand.”

Shah Rukh Khan now joins the league of Leonardo da Vinci, Christopher Columbus, Sir Isaac Newton, Julius Caesar and Jules Verne…. And is literally over the moon!

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Another hilarious news item attracted attention too :

Jealous husbands oppose naming of lunar crater after SRK

Mumbai. Various married men, apart from Aamir Khan fans, have been hurt by the news of a crater on moon being named as “Shah Rukh Khan”. These men, under the aegis of Jealous Husbands Association (JHA), have written a letter to The International Astronomical Union to overturn the decision. JHA members fear that their wives will stop thinking about them on Karwa Chauth if the moon had SRK on its surface.

“This SRK bloke is making things difficult for me with each passing day. Each day my wife would like me to do some silly stuff he does on the screen and make me feel like a second man in her life. Karwa Chauth was one day when I felt so great. But now, she’d actually be looking at SRK first (in the moon) even on that day. This sucks!” Rahul Raj, a disturbed husband said.

Many husbands fear that their wives might keep on looking at the moon if a crater was named Shahrukh Khan over there.

Rahul was asked by his wife Anushka to take dance classes last year after they went to watch Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, and his hatred for SRK had been growing ever since. He joined various online hate groups against SRK, but was disappointed to find them spammed with Aamir Khan’s supporters. Rahul finally discovered JHA and applied for its membership.

“I came to know that I was not alone. There were thousands of men, married and unmarried, who were simply pissed off with this guy’s ways. Our girlfriends and wives swooned on the antics that irritated us to the core.” said Rahul, who still can’t understand why his wife Anushka smiles even today while watching Kuchh Kuchh Hota Hai.

While JHA is appealing on emotional grounds, Aamir Khan fans have pointed out that the naming of an astronomical body after a human being was not a great deal, and media was reporting the development without checking the facts.

“I checked the website of International Astronomical Union. They clearly mention that people can buy names of stars and other bodies in the solar system. Clearly some SRK fan spent some money and bought the name, and now it’s being made as if it was a matter of pride and recognition for India. Bullshit! This has made us look like a nation of idiots instead.” Roshan, a die-hard Aamir Khan fan, revealed.

Roshan has appealed to the crazy wealthy fans of Aamir Khan to buy a star in his name and get even with SRK.

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This whole issue tickled me pink. Here is my view point in verse form :

Shah Rukh Khan on the moon

Shah Rukh Khan,Shah Rukh Khan

You now have a boon.

A crater in your own name,

On our pretty moon !

Shah Rukh Khan, Shah Rukh Khan

Now make your life,

Get another crater named

After your dear wife !

Shah Rukh Khan, Shah Rukh Khan

A suggestion here to consider-

After 25 years auction them

To the very highest bidder !

Make hay while the sun shines

It is very often said,

Make your bucks dear

Till your moon doesn’t set !

The world is full of people

Of every crazy kind

Shelling out mega bucks

They wouldn’t ever mind.

So till your figure and face

Are really fit and fine,

Make your fortune dear,

For the period of decline !

————————————————

I am reminded of pot-holes on roads in Bihar. It was jokingly said that there one couldn’t judge whether there were pot-holes on the road or there was a road on the pot-holes.Lallu Yadav,the then CM had grandly announced : ” We will soon make all our roads as smooth as Hema Malini’s cheeks !” Alas ! That never happened !

We should feel proud if our city fathers even name a few pot-holes on our city roads after me or you ! There were quite a few cartoons on this subject in the media.Here is one selected at random :

SRK on the MOON!

A crater on the Moon is named after Bollywood King Shah Rukh Khan, which turned out to be a big scam!

Satish Acharya.

Category: Comments to print media, Humour, Social Commentry | 10 Comments

Hymns of Sheikh Farid-Part II Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Jan 30

Hymns of Sheikh Farid-Part II

Further to my posting dated 26th Jan 2010, I now most humbly post a few more beautiful hymns of Sheikh Farid ji,which have been included in Shri Guru Granth Sahibji (SGGS), along with my efforts at translation. I have also hinted the central idea of each hymn alongside,in brackets :

Hymn 1 ( Judge your self before judging others )

Farida,jey toon akal lateef,kaaley likh naa lekh,

Apanadey girewaan meh,sirr neevan kar dekh !

Faridji says,if you are really a very intelligent person,

then,do not talk or write about evil deeds of others.

Just look inside yourself (introspect) first, to judge

as to how good or bad your own deeds are !

Hymn 2 ( Living within one’s means )

Farida roti meri kaath ki,lahwan meri bhukh,

Jinna khaadi chopdi,ghanney sehngey dukh !

Faridji says,a simple unbuttered chapati earned

from my own hardwork,is sufficient to satisfy my hunger.

Those who eat a chapati buttered lavishly (accompanied with other dishes) are bound to suffer a lot !

Hymn 3 ( Doing good deeds )

Farida jinni kammi naahen gunn,tey kamm dey vissar,

Matt sharminda thheevai,sayeen dey darbaar !

Faridji says,do not do any work which has no good intentions.

Or else,after death,you will feel ashamed in the Lord’s Court !

( where your accounts of good and bad deeds will be checked )

Hymn 4 ( Importance of prayer )

Uthth Farida, ujj saaj,subah nimaaz gujaar,

Jo sirr saayeen naah nivey, so sirr kapp uttaar !

Faridji tells his disciples to get up early in the morning,

wash their hands and faces and offer the morning prayers (namaaz) to Allah. The head that doesn’t bow before the Supreme Being,

deseves to be cut off from the body !

Hymn 5 ( Every one has his quota of sufferings)

Farida main jaaniyan dukh mujh ko,dukh sabahey jagg,

Uchchey chadh ke dekhiya,gharr gharr eha agg !

Faridji says, I thought that only I am suffering in this world.

But when I climbed up on the roof of my house and saw what is happening all around, I realized that there was a similar fire in every home ! ( every body is unhappy/suffering )

—————————————————————–

May Sheikh Faridji bless us all !!

Category: Sikhism, Social Commentry | 5 Comments

mukesh ambani Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Jan 27

Business Today in its issue dated 24th Jan 2010, had published the following item :

Mukesh Ambani ranked 5th best CEO in the world

Mukesh Ambani, who heads India’s most valuable company Reliance Industries the world by the prestigious Harvard Business Review.Ambani, the only Indian to feature among top 50 CEOs, is in the same league as Steve Jobs of Apple, Yun Jong-Yong of SamsLimited (RIL), has been ranked among top five best-performing CEOs in ung Electronics, Russian energy firm Gazprom’s Alexey Miller and John Chambers of Cisco Systems.He is also ranked number two among the top 10 emerging market CEOs with Miller at the top.K.V. Kamath of ICICI Bank is the other Indian in the list of Top 10 Emerging Market CEOs. He is ranked at number 9.HBR said it ranked CEOs of large public traded companies in a study conducted over 2000 CEOs worldwide. The entire group represented 48 nationalities and companies based in 33 countries.It put Ambani in the list of “up-through-the-ranks leaders” along with the Samsung boss.”Among the up-through-the-ranks leaders on our list are Yun Jong-Yong, who joined Samsung straight out of college and worked there 30 years before becoming CEO, and Mukesh Ambani, who joined RIL in 1981, when it was still a textile company run by his father. “These CEOs may not all be household names, but here’s an objective look at who delivered the top results over the long term,” HBR said, ranking Steve Jobs as the top CEO in the world.Jobs, it said, delivered a whopping 3,188 per cent industry-adjusted return (34 per cent compounded annually) after he rejoined Apple as CEO in 1997, when the company was in dire strait.From that time until the end of September 2009, Apple’s market value increased by USD 150 billion.He was followed by Yun Jong-Yong, who ran South Korea’s Samsung Electronics from 1996 to 2008. “Yun is an example of a leader who has stayed out of the limelight. During his tenure he capably transformed Samsung from a maker of memory chips and me-too products into an innovator selling digital products such as leading-edge cell phones.”Miller was number 3 followed by Chambers.HBR said none of the top three CEOs had an MBA. Ambani and Chambers were the only two on the top five to hold degrees in business administration.”CEOs who were promoted from inside the company tended to have stronger performance than those brought in from the outside,” said HBR.Several CEOs that were “most respected” according to other reviews were nowhere in HBR’s top 50. These include Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan Chase, Satoru Iwata of Nintendo, Sam Palmisano of IBM and Rex Tillerson of Exxon Mobil.Many other celebrity CEOs also failed to make the cut.They include Carlos Ghosn of Renault-Nissan, Sergio Marchionne of Fiat, John March of Morgan Stanley, Jeffrey Immelt of General Electric, Daniel Vasella of Novartis and Robert Iger of Walt Disney.”Some of these well-known CEOs have not necessarily done poorly; they are just not among the top performers in the world according to the total shareholder return they have delivered so far,” HBR said.The likes of Jack Welch, Warren Buffett, Larry Ellison and Bill Gates do not find mention in the list as HBR considered CEOs who assumed the job no earlier than January 1995 and no later than December 2007.“On an average the top 50 CEOs increased the wealth of their shareholders by USD 48.2 billion,” it said. They delivered a total shareholder return of 997 per cent during their time in office. That translates into a spectacular annual return of 32 per cent.

On reading about Mukesh Ambani, I had sent my views through a letter to BT,as under :

CEO Number 2 !!

Dear Sir,

This refers to the list of “The Best Performing CEOs” of HBR ( Ref : FOCUS in BT dated 24th Jan 2010). It is indeed a proud moment for India as Mukesh Ambani emerges as Number 2 on this elite list.

I believe that one of the reasons why best CEOs out perform others, is their willingness to keep an open mind and learn from situations and experiences from real life. Mukesh Ambani, I recall, has said somewhere :” I am a Mumbai boy.On its streets,I learnt to stand up for my self.On its road side stalls,I learnt to bargain. In its commercial centres,I learnt business.In its cinemas,I learnt to dream….”

Isn’t that a primer for our next-gen CEOs in the making ?

J S Broca

New Delhi

In its recent issue dated 7th Feb 2010 ( released on 25th Jan),BT has published an edited version of my above letter on page 6 under “Readers’ Forum”as under :

Top CEO Mukesh Ambani

It is a proud moment for India Inc.that one of its own has been ranked among top five best performing CEOs in the world by Harvard Business Review.One of the reasons why the best CEOs outperform others is their willingness to keep an open mind and learn from real life experience.I recall what Mukesh Ambani said about the lessons he picked while spending his formative years in Mumbai.”I am a Mumbai boy.On its streets,I learnt to stand up for myself.On its road-side stalls I learnt to bargain.In its commercial centres,I learnt business.In its cinemas,I learnt to dream,” he said.

J.S.Broca,

Delhi.

Category: Comments to print media, People | One Comment

Hymns of Sheikh Farid… Author: Jatinder Pal Singh Broca Jan 25

Hymns of Sheikh Farid…

Sometime ago, I had posted a few hymns of Kabirji from our holy book Shri Guru Granth Sahib ji (SGGS).The response of the readers had been very encouraging. Hence, I now most humbly, endevour to post some hymns of Sheikh Farid from SGGS alongwith the translations. Before I go further,I feel some background information of this Saint would be useful :

Baba Sheikh Farid — ( 1173 -1266) was a Muslim Saint from Punjab and 134 hymns composed by him, have been included in SGGS.His shlokas are included on pages 1377 to 1384 of SGGS.

Baba Farid’s great grand father was son of Farrukh Shah, the emperor of Kabul.Baba Farid’s great grand father was killed when Halaku, the grandson of Chengez Khan had invaded Kabul & had killed several princes and learned men, including several of Baba Farid’s ancestors.

Baba Farid’s grandfather Shaikh Shaib abandoned their country and took refuge in the Punjab in A.D. 1125.At the last stage of his life, Baba Farid had settled in a city then called Mokhalpur but now it is in Punjab (India) and is called Faridkot .He was a unique saint and scholor of spiritualism. His torch of Sufi thoughts was carried by his successors and several others such as Sant Kabir and Guru Nanak .Sheikh Farid can be truly called the founder of Punjabi literature, making Punjabi culture older than Hindi, Urdu and other languages of current times. It was much after Baba Farid that Kabir, Tulsidas, Mira Bai, etc started using common language of the people of India in their compositions. Baba Sheikh Farid can truly be considered a pioneer of the modern Punjabi culture and concept of Punjabi Language. Sant Farid is worshipped because of his spirituality,simplicity and piety.Not only has Farid influenced Hindus but he has been one of the major inspirations behind Sikhism as well Muslims.

Hymn 1 :

Farida galliye chikkad,door ghar, naal pyarey neho,

Challan taan bhijjey kambli,rahan taan tuttey neho.

Bhijo sijjou kambli,allah varsey meho,

Jaaye milla tinna saajna, tuttey nahi neho. (1379)

Translation:

Farid says, the lanes are full of mud, and my destination is

far away,but my love for my Supreme Lord remains

unshaken. If I go to meet Him,my cloak will get wet.

If I don’t go,then my bond of love with Him will be broken.

Let my cloak get wet and drenched;Let Allah cause a heavy

down pour of rain.I will definitely go to meet my Lord and

keep up my promise and ensure that my bond of love

remains unbroken.

Hymn 2:

Kaga karang dhadoliya,sagla khaya maas,

Eh doyey naina matt chchuo, pirr dekhan ki aas ! (1382)

Translation :

The crows have pecked at my skeletal body

and have eaten all my flesh.

Dear crows,please do not touch my eyes,

for I still have hope to see (have darshan of) my dear Lord.

Hymn 3 :

Farida khaak naa nindiyey, khaaku jedd naa koyey,

Jeevdiya pairaa talley,muyiya oopar hoyey ! (1378)

Translation:

Farid says,do not ever speak ill of (slander) dust.

For,when we are alive,it is under our feet,

And when we are dead,it is above us ! (cremation)

Hymn 4 :

Farida, mandap maal naa laayey, marag sataani chitt dhar,

Farida itt siraaney, bhuy sawann,keeda ladiyo maas.(1380-81)

Translation :

Farid says, do not focus on mansions and wealth;

But centre your consciousness on death,your most powerful

enemy.

When you die, a stone will be your pillow,the earth will be

your bed and the worms will eat into your flesh !

Hymn 5 :

Jey jaana marr jaayiey,ghumm naa aayiey,

Jhoothi duniyaan lagg,aap vanjhaiyey ! (488)

Translation :

Had I known that I was to die one day and never return,

I would not have ruined myself,by clinging to this world

of falsehood !

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Dear Readers,I hope you will respond to these hymns as

usual.I pray that the Supreme Being above,takes care of

us all !

I shall post some more hymns of Sheikh Farid ji as soon as He

gives me the inspiration ! Have a nice day !

Category: Sikhism, Social Commentry | 8 Comments

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Jealous husbands oppose naming of lunar crater after SRK

SRK on the MOON!